When I saw evidence that he had betrayed me, I told him to leave one month after he returned from his visit with her. He immediately packed up everything and went to live with her. He’s been there for more than 2 months. I turned to my church and have been attending a marital restore group for support. I initially threatened to serve him but soon realized that I needed to follow God’s word on marriage. He said he wanted to do the right thing according to scripture after the first 3 weeks, but would not/did not take any action to support his agreement that what he was doing was not biblical.

I decided at that point to give him time and not communicate with him – was this the right thing to do? He has not tried to communicate with me for a month, now, but has told our company attorney that she can accept divorce papers on his behalf – the last email I received from him was asking me to file papers. I do not know the address where his is staying, but know he had a long term relationhip with the other woman before he and I met.

I feel very hopeless and cannot focus on anything but this. I still love him and am committed to my marriage. My friends and family keep trying to encourage me to give up on him because he was not committed before he gave his vows. I’ve decided that I will not pursue a disollution of our marriage -but I’m not sure what to do at this point in time – I can’t abandon him.

He says he’s a believer – but he refuses to recognize that he is responsible for his actions and is making no effort to change his current living arrangement – he refers to this other woman as a “good friend”. I continue to pray for forgiveness; mine and God’s, and just recently was able to bring myself to pray for him. I’m thankful that this situation has brought me and continues to bring me much closer to God. I’m kind of stuck right now and am not sure how to organize my thoughts so I can work. I’m always on the verge of crying, which makes it very difficult for me to interact with clients

Please pray for me and my husband and if anyone has any thoughts – please respond.

My heart is broken, my spirit is broken, but my love has been renewed. I pray daily that the Lord brings him back to me, guides me in my quest to become a better mother and wife, heals our marriage, and brings us closer together. I have started showering him with attention when he is around. I am working to show him my appreciation and respect. These are things he has said were missing in his life.

It is so hard not to lose hope. I feel depressed often and the kids have started commenting on my crying. Is there any way a husband can fall in love with his wife again? So many places I read that once that feeling is gone it is hard to retrieve. I need to have positive thoughts and hope to keep going. The rejection of my kisses hurts. When I tell him I love him he says “I know you do.” He is worried about me and asks how I am doing. He still cares about me, but shows no desire to make this work.

I do not know if I should give up so the pain will stop or if I should try harder and stay steafast. This article has given me more to think about. I have also started “The Love Dare” to try and rekindle his feelings for me. Please pray for us. I do not know what to do with my life without him.

I have done a lot of wrongs in our marriage, but started therapy when he left to better myself. Everything and everyone around me tells me to “let go” I just can’t, I love him! Please pray for us… that he sees things can change and make things right again.

I am in total shock to say the least. I had been gone less than a week to bury my father and now this. I think he has had a mental breakdown. Any advise as to how to cling to this marriage of 18 and 1/2 years?
Please continue the prayers. I will not give up

As far as your husband, all I can think of is that he doesn’t know how to handle feelings very well. Some people will run from a crisis situation when they are faced with having to deal with more than they think they can handle. They erase from their minds what harm that will do to complicate the situation even more, and like a child who doesn’t want to acknowledge something bad, they will close their eyes thinking that when they open them the “bad thing” will have gone away. Of course, we know it won’t, but the kid in some of us imagines it might. It’s kind of like the “head in the sand” situation with ostriches.

I’m not sure if this is what is happening with your husband or not. It might be one more thing that piles upon the other things he has in his mind as far as too much to deal with and he’s running from it and sending you “love” from afar, because that is all he feels he is capable of doing. I’m not sure.

But whatever it is, you obviously have a lot to sort out. I really don’t think his leaving is as much about you as it is about him. I might be wrong, but that’s my perception. I don’t know all of the circumstances surrounding what is going on in your life, other than your dad passing, but your husband has something different happening inside of him to do this. This isn’t the way Christ would handle matters.

I just posted an additional link into the article “I Love You But I’m Not IN LOVE With You Anymore” — which I recommend you read. You can find the article in the “Save My Marriage” section. The link I’d especially like you to explore (contained in that article) is titled “Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear.”

The reason I think this article might help you is because this woman’s husband kind of went off the deep end emotionally and she was able to recognize that it wasn’t a time to panic, but to put her eyes on what was immediately in front of her instead and let him sort his problems out. I don’t know if that is what you are to do or not, but I’d like you to prayerfully consider what she learned through this.

You TRULY need your marriage partner at this time, but for some reason, he is putting himself out of reach. I believe God would tell you to let him sort out his own problems… don’t compound all that you are trying to sort out by trying to run after him and figure his problems out as well, as to why he would abandon you at this time. Look to the Lord and the healing He can and will bring to your heart as you cry out to Him and look to Him for comfort, and peace of mind. He will never abandon you. Allow Him to be the “lifter of your head” and to take on your tears and burdens and minister to your heart.

I encourage you to open the book of Psalms and use it as a guideline to pour out your heart and grief to the Lord. You have a right to feel hurt right now on many levels. But allow the Lord to be your savior and to help you through this time. Prayerfully, He will work in your husband’s heart and mind and eventually your husband will wake up and realize that this is not a time to draw apart from each other but to find ways to come closer together. If he IS a Christian, then pray the Lord will help him as He is helping you on the level your husband needs it.

“Even in darkness light dawns for the upright” (Psalm 112:4a). I pray that for you Pat, that God will enlighten you and help you to reach for His light and that He will minister to your heart and your situation. May God bless you and keep you.

I want to give up and whenever I have thought of that it gives me peace but I love my husband so much and I don’t want to leave our marriage. I feel totally devastated and I started to waver with my faith… my situation seems hopeless. I think my husband is trying to avoid me, that’s why he started to shut all his phones. Even my mother in law is not communicating with me anymore. I don’t know if God still want me to stay in this marriage. I feel God is punishing me and I think should give up now for my marriage, it is too painful. Please pray for me.

I miss him with every core of my being. I believe that when you take those vows it is till death. He, on the other hand, says he doesn’t know if we will get back together or not and it is breaking my heart into pieces. He said he had to leave because he didn’t want to get to the point of suicide again. This I understand, but why can’t I help?

I cry everyday because I miss him so much. I worry also that when he calls I am always saying the wrong thing and pushing him further away. I have been asking him if we could see each other and he says it’s to soon, which I guess is true but I long to see him. Some people tell you to act this way and others say that way. I am just so confused. It’s like when someone gets kidnapped, you don’t know whether they are alive or dead. I am in that situation. I don’t know if he will come back or not.

I want to be there to support him and give him comfort. I am praying everyday that there is a miracle, and that God heals his mind and that he can come back to us. I also pray for strength and patience. Please pray for me and him.

Now he has turned the tables and said that I am the one that turned my back on him. I want to trust him and give him another chance but I am afraid that he will do this again. I am so lonely, and when he is not doing these things he is actually a good guy. Please pray for me and any advice would be greatly appreciated. Is this what the vows mean when they say ” For better or for worse”? I don’t want to start over but fear he has found someone else and I may have to. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!!! I really need help!

You’re right in thinking that we would encourage you to walk away from a man who has already cheated on you, and lied to you, and shown additional lack of character in not honoring someone else’s marriage promise. It might not be easy, but neither is putting up with adultery year after year, and empty promises, and coldness and insensitivity, and lies, and loneliness when your “partner” is joining up with someone else. And that is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the hurt you will experience.

The Bible tells us to guard our hearts. If we decide to do things otherwise, please don’t expect Him to answer your prayer to “help” you “walk away” if you “have to.” With disobedience comes a huge price. I hope you will consider my words and will run… not walk away from this relationship. It’s the most loving thing I can tell you to do. Fafa, you are in my prayers.

I’ve since gotten on medication (Risperdal) and have come a long way but I think this marriage was a rebound relationship and I’m finding it virtually impossible to live with him. Please look up Passive Aggressive Personality. Also, women who are widowed become insecure because of their husband’s death, but to get involved with a PAP has been so stressful, I’m reaching out for prayer, guidance and help. Thanks.

My mom passed away recently and I am grieving terribly for her. I got a new job after looking for about a year. I am under a lot of stress. The last thing I want to do is deal with this. He works abroad and is due to leave this Tuesday. He has not called or contacted me. He is at a hotel somewhere. I am so hurt by all of this. I don’t know when next I will see him. I love my husband and I have acted terribly because of his lack of communication. I don’t want to lose my marriage. Please help me.

This is breaking me apart. I am having a hard time dealing with this. It is 6 months now that he has been away. We have 2 lovely children and it is very upsetting for them. How can I go on? When I question her she tells me that she is still with her boyfriend and she hasn’t seen my husband since last year. But many people saw them together. When I confront them they lie.

I don’t know where you could locate Anne Kristin Carroll or if she even takes on counseling patients. But I would recommend that you read through what we have posted in the Marriage Counseling section so you are better prepared to look for the type of counselor that could best help you. Not all counselors are wise in guiding someone through with this type of situation. Some will cause more damage than good. As you read what we have posted, you will better understand what I am trying to explain.

We also have “Links and Recommended Resources” in that section of the web site that could possibly guide you to a good counselor, if you don’t know one you would want to use at this point.

The Extra Marital Affair section as well as the “Surviving Infidelity” section could be helpful as you try to figure out what you should do concerning your marriage. I/we wish you well and pray the Lord helps and guides you in this.

I want to speak to a coach or counselor, such as Anne Kristin Carroll. I’m not even sure if she still offers counseling. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

We are no longer living together and he does not want to see me or talk to me. I don’t want a divorce I believe that God will take care of our marriage if I trust him to do so. Please pray for me and my marriage. I truly don’t believe they love each other; I think it is more the drugs talking than anything else. He is supposed to be going to a Christian based rehab as soon as they get an opening for him. Please pray that this will wake him up to see that he his making a big mistake and the Lord brings him back home where he belongs.

We will also be praying for God to send someone into your wife’s life who can help her to realize what “love” really means. It’s not about feelings or happiness; it’s standing firm on the promises (vows) you made even when your spouse is “half a world away” for 22 months.

Our hearts are breaking for you and your wife. Please encourage her to come to our web site to read and then to “vent” her feelings and emotions. She has to have been experiencing a lot of pain, loneliness, anger and fear because of this extended separation.

We have a great network of BLOGGERS whom she can confide in and feel safe to share her true feelings. We have witnessed great and miraculous things happen in marriages and we KNOW that God wants to perform one in your marriage. And YOU be safe, as well.

I am thankful for this website and the support and strength I draw from it. I am sad and lonely, but far from finished working for my marriage through God. Please, include me in your prayers if you have a moment. Be safe all.

And we were finally starting to see financial relief… to hear him say I never said I loved him, hurt. How in the world would this man think that I didn’t love him? I know I said I loved him… then I thought did I? I cooked, cleaned, scratched his back, loved waiting on him hand and foot when he got in from work… but he said I never said it. Tell your husband you love him. How could it do anymore damage? He said that he was lonely… tell him you will always be there for him. That that still stands… doesn’t it? Maybe he needs to hear that from you.

I showed my husband I loved him… and without even thinking… I didn’t say it… for a year? I still can’t think that is true but when someone is hurt from someone they love, those times I did say I love you, were not enough for the days/times I didn’t say it because that is what stuck out in his mind the most. Tell him you love him…

I was driving yesterday, crying and asking God, Why this is happening to me? and desperately asked directly for an answer or a sign. I JUST FOUND THIS WEBSITE! Of course I’m very hurt with my wife, but I’m going to fight for my marriage because it is in God’s plan. Please keep me in your prayers.

I am not giving up on us. I love this man with all my heart. We have been married for 9 years and together for 13, not counting the year we’ve been separated. I pray all the time that we can put our differences aside and work things out. I know he still loves me even though he will never admit it but I can tell.

I will fight the divorce tooth and nail. We have only gone to court once to modify the temporary order in Jan but that hasn’t even been filed. He has agreed to go with me 10 hours from home so that I can see a specialist in pancreatic disorders. We will have 4 days alone and I pray that it will rekindle some romance that has been missing b/c I was so depressed after my son died and then I got sick.

I don’t even know why he left other than he said he felt lonely. Please pray for us. We are best friends. It is so hard to see a man that I am deeply in love with every other day when he picks our kids up for the evening, or to not be able to tell him I love him after talking to him on the phone. We did not have a bad marriage and told each other we loved each other right until the day he moved out. I guess I should still tell him I love him but I am afraid I will freak him out and make matters worse.

I will take any advice anyone has to give and I am not going to give up on us. I do think his sisters are "egging" him on but hopefully he can stop listening to them and listen to his heart. Please pray for us. Stacey