I will not give up, give in,
give out, nor give over
’til the healing takes place.
I made a vow; I said the words; I gave the pledge.
I gave a ring; I took a ring; I gave myself.
I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words:
in sickness and in health,
in sorrow and in joy,
for better or for worse,
for richer or for poorer,
in good times and in bad…
so NOW I am STANDING.
I will NOT sit down, let down, slow down,
calm down, fall down, look down nor be down
’til the BREAKDOWN is TORN DOWN!
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances,
or listen to prophets of doom.
I will not buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular,
convenient, easy, quick,
thrifty, or advantageous.
Nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God’s real thing.
I will not seek to lower God’s standard,
twist God’s will, rewrite God’s word,
violate God’s covenant,
or accept what God hates—which is namely… divorce!
In a world of filth, I will stay pure.
Even though surrounded by lies I will speak the truth.
Where hopelessness abounds,
I will hope in GOD.
Where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse;
and where the odds are stacked against me,
I will trust in God’s faithfulness.
I am a STANDER,
and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit…
I have made the choice.
I have set my face, entered the race, believed the Word,
and TRUSTED GOD for the outcome.
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse,
nor the urging of my friends,
the advice of my loved ones,
economic hardship,
nor the prompting of the devil
to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up
UNTIL MY MARRIAGE IS HEALED.
The above poem is featured on the Home page of www.rejoiceministries.org which is the web site for Rejoice Ministries. This web site, and their entire ministry, is designed to encourage and give hope to those who are standing in the gap believing God for a miracle in their marriages. They supply its reader’s more than 18 pages of testimonies of restored marriages and over 72 pages where you’re able to read individual letters of praise to God for answers to prayer and testimonies of God’s faithfulness through the various difficulties they’ve encountered in their marriages and families.
You can read the testimonies and the stories of restored marriages by clicking into them from the side bar of the Home page of their web site.
To begin that process:
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(USA) I am a stander! Blessed be the power of the blood of Jesus that covers my marriage today. I am a Stander!
(RSA) Amen to that!
(USA) Hello, I have a issue because I have been separated twice. We currently are separated again due to not getting along and financial stress. When we separated I didn’t know who this man was anymore that I married. What I didn’t understand is when a man and woman are separated, things are totally different in getting back together. My husband wouldn’t even speak to me, only through text messages. It has been a 1 year as of 8/31/2008. I wonder everyday if he will file for a legal separation or even a divorce. I don’t want a divorce so that’s why I won’t file. Do you think I should just file for the divorce and stop waiting?
(UNITED STATES) All children are unique and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the nature of the child – age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma – the easier to more difficult it will be for children to accept a divorce.
(USA) No do not file for d*v*rc*! God hates d*v*rc* and so do you. Keep praying and standing for your marriage. Use this time that he is away to get closer to Jesus. Lean only on Him and do not listen to those that follow society’s norm of moving on. Let God change your heart and then ask Him to let your spouse get to see the changes in you. He will start coming around more if he sees that you are not the contentious woman he left behind. Do not let the circumstances dictate your decisions. Keep your eyes on Him. I speak to you from the same situation and I forgave my husband and I only see the my mistakes and they are many. At first I prayed to God to change him and one day He showed me that I needed to change and allow God to work on my dead marriage. It will be worth the wait.
Sincerely
(USA) I and my husband have problems having a child naturally and we had planned in IVF and adopting if it did not work. My husband lost his job, we had to forclose on our house because we will not be able to afford it and it will affect the time of our plan for IVF.
I got frustrated and he did too and we start arguments and he wanted to leave with everything and I called the police to stop him from doing that and he has a hard time letting that go even now that we are trying to work things out. I am a christain and I believe GOD hates divorce but I am human and I worry if my husband will ever forgive me for going to the extend of call the police on him. He belives I wanted to get him locked up because I said I was scared when he kicked the coffee table down. Please for a christain advice on this . Thanks
(USA) My husband does not live at home right now & has filed for d*v*r*e. I also hate the word so won’t even write it. Very little communication from him, although we still go to the same church & he still attends. We are both Christians, so this is not an option to me at all. Please pray for restoration. Any encouraging words would be welcomed.
(UNITED STATES) 6 years ago I "stumbled" upon this website and printed off this prayer. I’m back again because I am standing with two of my friends for their marriages.
In 2003, I learned that my husband was having an inappropriate relationship with another woman. I was very upset because I could see that things would have continued to progress if I hadn’t found him out. I was hurt because he tried to deceive me and was willing to put our whole family on the line for selfish pleasures. So I kicked him out. I even went so far as to get a dog so that my children (then 7 and 9) would remember this period as "the time we got the dog" rather than "the time when Daddy left."
But then I decided that I was going to fight for my marriage – not let the devil just walk up in MY home, steal MY family, leave MY kids without a father, leave ME a single mother and give MY husband to another woman! I had prayed for this man, invested a lot in this marriage, and I didn’t want another woman to reap the benefits of MY hard labor. I DON’T THINK SO! I stood on this prayer for weeks – months. I had it taped to the back of my medicine cabinet door, I remember standing there saying the words, crying because I didn’t even know if I believed them as I was saying them, but I didn’t have anything else to stand on but the Word because there was literally NOTHING ELSE I could depend on. And when I tell you God moved on my marriage!
I used to think that the best thing God could do was let me get a divorce and give me a new husband. Well, he did give me a new husband, but I didn’t have to get a divorce, tear my family apart, take my kids through all those changes. He took the old husband I had and made him into a new man. (He also changed me, too, by the way.) So whatever you do – don’t give up on your marriage. Stand for it and watch God move. If you give this to Satan, what will he take next? This is a war, my brothers and sisters. Don’t hand over your family – fight for it and don’t settle for less than God’s best!
(US) I’m also standing for the restoration of my marriage. I’s been 2 1/2 months since my husband announced "we’re just not getting along, I’m done". And then he left. This is our second separation. And it is so hard.
We have 2 children 7 & 8. It’s also very painful for my children as well. They want their daddy home just as much as I want..if not more. But I do know the Lord wants to do work in me first. This is very difficult for me, but I have to admit our marriage hasn’t always been an easy one.
I was very controlling, bitter-mean,unhappy(mainly with myself),jealous, trusting issues,etc. Not exactly a Godly wife. It’s a struggle with the lack of communication between us. Very little to none. As far as our kids are concerned, they see him maybe once every two weeks. It’s rough. We have been married for 9 1/2 yrs. And I can’t help but wonder is there hope for us?
(US) Hang in there Theresa… I will be praying for you!
(USA) I have been back and forth on whether I should stand for my marriage. My husband has been gone for over a year now and is currently living with another woman. At first I was hurt and angry. I started drinking very heavy and thought that would make it better. I realized that it does not.
I see my husband does not want to be bothered so I decided to move on as well. I have tried dating over the past year but have not found anyone that feels right. I have tried to decide if standing full force is the right thing to do for my family. We have 3 children 4, 5 and 13 so they are hurting too. My husband is influenced by so many negative forces that I do not see a way of restoration or repair for our marriage. I do not know what to do.
(USA) Kenya, may God Bless you and hear your troubles
rejoiceministries.org/encouragingwomen.org
Give it to the Lord. Nothing is impossible for him. Pray for your husband…Fellow Stander
(USA) I just found this website. I too have been standing for our marriage. My husband told he had feelings for another woman (a coworker), in January. He moved out in February and filed for divorce in March. We have 2 girls (ages 12 and 15). The other woman is married and has also filed for divorce. My husband says what he has with her is "real", they have "talked about a future together".
I am tired of waiting. I pray, read the Bible and other devotions daily. Sometimes (usually) things seem hopeless. I feel scared and lonely. I miss my husband. I had no idea we had serious problems, but now he says we have had problems for years. We have been married nearly 17 years. Please help me.
(USA) Hello all, Maybe my story will encourage some here. I was the prodigal a little while back. I was/am in a marriage for 17 years. My feelings for my wife were as a roommate, not a wife. I reunited with a woman I used to love back in high school and we really hit it off. My wife found out but I was certain I wanted to start a new relationship.
I was convicted though the whole time, about hurting my wife and separating from my kids. The other woman got convicted too and we agreed to break it off. It was hard to do this for a little while but I did it in obedience to what I knew was right. My heart did a complete 180 for my wife. God really got a hold of me and I saw all the things I did wrong to my wife over the years. My heart turned around very quickly.
Unfortunately, my wife decided to move out of our marriage and separated 3 months ago. I am now a stander. I know what it feels like to be scared, lonely and discouraged. I just keep praying everyday for God’s mercy. I do believe that it is His will for reconciliation and that He hates divorce. Keep fighting. I believe the Lord has led us all who are standing to stand. Our battle is not against flesh and blood but against the spiritual powers of darkness.
(USA) Hi Ann, I’m sorry for what you are going thru. I to, am going thru the same thing. I know what you are feeling. DON’T GIVE UP! Satan has your husband & the other woman right now. Pray for him daily. Pray for her.
rejoiceministries.org and encouragingwomen.org are great websites! They will support you and encourage you for the ‘STAND’ of your husband and marriage. Read the restored marriage testimonies. And remember nothing is impossible for GOD. Fellow ‘STANDER’
(USA) My husband’s affair with a co-worker ended over two years ago. We were all friends at one time. We both supported her and her children emotionally during a difficult divorce. My husband was so gullible about her intentions toward him. I truly believe he never saw it coming. They started to confide in each other and one thing lead to another. Sad, very sad… because by the time he realized he was in way over his head and actually loved me. She was all but filing our divorce papers for us!
Unfortunately we live in the same town, work in the same venue (I am my husband’s legal assistant) and it would destroy our practice to move away. We are still confronted with her frequently, and she has NO, ZERO remorse. She pursued my husband for a solid year after several people in our community had the courage to tell me what they knew and I confronted my husband. By that time, he was disengaging, on his own, from her, and that made her angry and spiteful.
I have to say that my husband has done absolutely everything he can to make me feel secure. We have had counseling, attended a marriage conference weekend that very much helped us get back on track and reminded us how much we loved each other. How devastating this has been to BOTH of us and our children and grandchildren. He never stops beating himself up for being "so stupid," (his words, not mine), and I don’t bring it or her up anymore. We had it out, we separated for 6 months… a time period during which I prayed for him every day, but asked God to release me. But in the end we both saw what a terrible mistake it was, realized that we loved each other and had to find a way to put our marriage and our family back together.
Today we have a stronger marriage than ever before, BUT and this is a big BUT, I think I can’t seem to get over the sadness (sometimes, not all the time… sometimes it just hits me, "my best friend " one of the few men I have ever trusted, betrayed me in a way I never thought could happen to us).
First mistake, don’t ever think it can’t happen to you. Ladies and guys, pray against this blight on our society EVERY DAY and for your spouse in this regard (and others, of course) EVERY DAY. Satan wants marriages and families to FAIL. Next to true terrorism, I think it may be the next most insidious enemy society faces today! It is devastating, discouraging (even to strong Christians).
So, my question is, to anyone who can help me with this… will I ever get over the sad (no longer angry) feeling of the betrayal? I know he has done absolutely everything a God-fearing man can do to "fix" it. I don’t mention it to him anymore. In the beginning our counselor encouraged us both to talk to each other ANY time the subject bothered either of us, so that there were no secrets between us to cause doubt. And also my husband did not want to be shielded from the pain it caused me. He was insistent that we had been best friends when we met and through most of our marriage and he wanted to be there for me, just as he had always been before. It took a great deal of courage on both our parts, but we agreed that we would always tell each other if things got difficult or emotions were just too much to handle… we have both stuck to that promise.
But two years later, I still have occasional dreams about her, not any longer about them together, but about her. It has become more about her betrayal of our friendship and her total lack of remorse… in fact outright anger toward me because I got in the way of her plans. The anger does not bother me, other than I think she has a lot of nerve and it is probably a defensive tactic because she knows she was wrong and has admitted that to him (never to me). But I want this to stop. I have forgiven my husband. He just tries so hard… it would break his heart, I think, and completely discourage him if he knew this is still haunting me.
Do I need to seek counseling again? I just can’t seem to get over the pain, not totally. There is that last, I don’t know, ounce of sadness and yes, betrayal still inside. I have prayed about it, asked God to remove it. I pray for her that she will never do this to another "friend" or family and not to be bitter toward her because that only hurts us. So, where do I go from here? I need this to go away. I want it to go away. Is two years just not enough time, or is their something I am still missing here?
(USA) I honestly don’t know if I want to anymore. My marriage has never been easy and I have done the standing thing while I waited and waited for him to be delivered from drugs and to be saved. He was and I was thankful but now 5 years later I had to ask him to leave yesterday because of his terrible temper. He is very emotionally abusive and in the past before we became Christians very physically abusive.
I’m just sooo tired, emotionally and physically. He would come back home today if I would let him but I think I just want to be done. Is it ok to not stand for your marriage when abuse is involved? I just feel like moving on at this point. I know God hates divorce but God has seen how much I fought the enemy, how much I stood in the gap and how much I have taken from my spouse. I just can’t imagine spending the rest of my life like this. This just can’t be right? I am so on the fence but leaning towards on side. Any thoughts?
(SINGAPORE) Hi Chris, thanks for sharing your story, it does encourage me. I know that God is working in my husband’s heart but just to see it typed out by somebody who was the prodigal really makes me sure about my stand. Don’t give up, I know that if God can change you, He can change your wife. Just give everything to HIM.
(USA) Update: I am standing again as God has gotten a hold of my heart and I believe the Lord will complete the good work he has started in us. Whew, I feel so much better not fighting God anymore! It’s so much easier to just submit to his will. Now if I can just get that submission part down in my relationship with my husband! :0)
(US) I understand what you are going through. My husband walked away from our marriage, and it’s a hurting feeling.
(UNITED STATES) I too have been standing for 1 year. My husband has filed but has not pursued the divorce. He continues to say he does not want the marriage and that I should move on. He continues to ask for things out of the house but never comes to get them. I have not talked to him in over two weeks. I have to let go and let God. I continue to pray for his salvation, and his return. I miss him so much still. I have not been able to shut out his face or my love for him. I feel strongly about standing, but I get weary!.
(ZAMBIA) Hi all, It’s really very encouraging for me to read some of the stories of what is happening in so many marriages. The DEVIL is really at work worldwide. Everywhere you read about the same stories.
I want to share my story with you all. My husband and I have been on separation since January this year. He moved out of the house and is staying on his own and is also seeing another woman. Things keep on getting worse everyday, he has stopped supporting the kids and has even stopped communicating to me in any way. He brought a phone for the kids which he uses whenever he wants to talk to them. He has stopped calling using my phone. He even called me to tell me that he wasted the years we spent together. We have two children together aged 7 and 2 years.
I believe that for anything to happen, there must be a purpose. The Lord knows why this is happening to me and everyone else. Nothing happens by chance or by accident. I urge you all to hold on to God’s promises and look up to him for strength and his grace. Also we need to be patient wait upon the Lord’s time because his time is the best. For sure he is seeing the misery and pain that we are going through and has his interest in whatever is happening to us. We should continue praying and never give up. Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11
May God bless you all!
(US STATES) My husband walked in two years ago July 3rd and announced out of the blue that he was not happy and no longer in love with me. He demanded the divorce, which I wish I had fought all the way. Since then, he has been back and forth with the other woman. Our children have been so confused. Well, seven weeks ago he left and just called me to say they were married three weeks ago. We have been together 20 years and I feel that I should continue to stand but family and friends so let go. I could use some encouraging words and prayer. This is definitely one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with.
(USA) My husband left on labor day of last year and stated that I would never have to worry about him wanting to get back together with me. God has kept me in the midst of this crisis and he is able to get me out of it. I will praise God through every tear because I know that he has a purpose for my life. I am trying to let go of the hurt, but I admit that I still love my husband and that I am against divorce. God has kept me in perfect peace in spite of the pain. I will trust him and hold on to my faith. If my husband is not purposed to come back to me I’ll praise God anyhow.
(US) I too am standing for my marriage. I was told that standing for your marriage is a difficult thing to do, but if I wanted to save my marriage I needed to stand in the gap. It has been a year now, and my husband still refuses to reconcile. He has filed for divorce, and will no longer talk to me. I have left it alone. I find peace in prayer and the rejoiceministries website. I get discouraged at times, and still feel very hurt. I am doing what I am instructed to do as a Christian, and what I read in the Bible and follow Gods instruction, also about older women standing in the gap.
(UNITED STATES) I don’t want to be a statistic in my marriage but my husband wanted to divorce me because he said I did not respect him. I am asking God to help me just work on me and I will pray for His will to be done in my husbands life. As a result of emotional ties to a male friend of mine my husband just “knew” we were sleeping together, but it wasn’t so.
My Pastor warned me to close the door but my hurt was so deep from the hard way my husband would talk to me I believed he never loved me and that was all I knew. I didn’t understand that he had a problem with communication. When he said he wanted to leave me, he had been saying that for years without me having an affair. Then the day came when he insulted me too many times I thought and I asked him to leave.
He left the state and then asked for a divorce. We are in the proceedings now. As a result to the hurt, confusion and the absence of a husband, I found myself then and only then seeking companionship. However we are still married and I don’t know why he just wanted to blame his frustration in the marriage all on me. I say it was the cowards way out of what he could not fix or understand.
(RSA) Hi Sisters, I have found out about you today and I really appreciate it coz I know it’s been the Holy Ghost leading me towards you. One thing I know is that there is work in progress in us. God is dealing with us though it so painful. Let’s fight the good fight.
(USA) I am so thankful for reaching this site today. On July 11, 2009 I told my Husband to move out because he disappeared for about 5 hours one day and refused to tell me where he went. I knew it in my heart it wasn’t good. Anyway I found proof after he had moved back to his moms. But the proof ended up being a stupid cover up; he ended up meeting with his best friend’s wife who came into town. They both knew neither spouse would understand but I believed it was plutonic. It took him 6 weeks to tell me but I finally felt better.
So I decided I really didn’t have grounds for divorce then I get a bank statement in the mail a few weeks later and see he’s joined a dating website and then I see all these restaurants and movies and entertainment places on the statement, places he refused to take me because it was always too crowded or too far. My heart sank… he was dating while we were separated. Needless to say he admitted to it and said since I told him we were divorcing and kicked him out he just wanted to see what was out there but nothing is going on romantically.
To make a really long story short I am still holding onto the divorce papers and I just found out that I am 4 weeks pregnant from him (we feel more comfortable being intimate with each other, yeah I know he has it made). We had been praying and trying for a baby from November, 2008 until I kicked him out in July, 2009. Now we are about to have our second child in 10 years and I am so happy, blessed and distraught.
We have fought so much this entire time and I have cried so many hopeless tears for these past few months. I know I was horrible with my drinking, mood swings and accusations but all I wanted was the romantic marriage everyone else had where they at least went somewhere together once a week, a “date night”. I just wanted the truth and for him to stop being on so many social networking sites without my knowledge… I had all this pain bottled up inside and he never wanted to talk about it and kept incessantly lying to me about stupid things. Anyway, I pray for all of you and stand with you… Please stand with me as I keep hearing/feeling something within me saying it is really over… let him go. I just need to know if that’s God!
(CHINA) Dear sisters in Christ, Your story moves me. I have a solution. I had a similar situation like you, I set my mind on the Word of God, showed my love to my man, and God will changed his heart for me. I believe, God will restore your relationship.
(MUSKOGEE) I am standing for my marriage. My husband wants a divorce and I don’t I love my husband very much. I was married before to a abusive man. When i got with my new husband i put up a wall so that i could never be hurt again. Instead i hurt my husband. Now i want so bad to have his love back but is heart is hurting. I tell him everyday that i love him and i am sorry, but he acts like he doesn’t even hear me. What can i do to make him understand that i love him and want our marriage to last?
(MUSKOGEE) I am standing for my marriage. My husband wants a divorce and believes I don’t I love him very much. I was married before to an abusive man. When I got with my new husband I put up a wall so that I could never be hurt again. Instead I hurt my husband. I know I want so bad to have his love back but his heart is hurting. I tell him everyday that I love him and I am sorry, but he acts like he doesn’t even hear me. What can I do to make him understand that I love him and want are marriage to last?