I will not give up, give in,
give out, nor give over
’til the healing takes place.
I made a vow; I said the words; I gave the pledge.
I gave a ring; I took a ring; I gave myself.
I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words:
in sickness and in health,
in sorrow and in joy,
for better or for worse,
for richer or for poorer,
in good times and in bad…
so NOW I am STANDING.
I will NOT sit down, let down, slow down,
calm down, fall down, look down nor be down
’til the BREAKDOWN is TORN DOWN!
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances,
or listen to prophets of doom.
I will not buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular,
convenient, easy, quick,
thrifty, or advantageous.
Nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God’s real thing.
I will not seek to lower God’s standard,
twist God’s will, rewrite God’s word,
violate God’s covenant,
or accept what God hates—which is namely… divorce!
In a world of filth, I will stay pure.
Even though surrounded by lies I will speak the truth.
Where hopelessness abounds,
I will hope in GOD.
Where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse;
and where the odds are stacked against me,
I will trust in God’s faithfulness.
I am a STANDER,
and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit…
I have made the choice.
I have set my face, entered the race, believed the Word,
and TRUSTED GOD for the outcome.
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse,
nor the urging of my friends,
the advice of my loved ones,
economic hardship,
nor the prompting of the devil
to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up
UNTIL MY MARRIAGE IS HEALED.
The above poem is featured on the Home page of www.rejoiceministries.org which is the web site for Rejoice Ministries. This web site, and their entire ministry, is designed to encourage and give hope to those who are standing in the gap believing God for a miracle in their marriages. They supply its reader’s more than 18 pages of testimonies of restored marriages and over 72 pages where you’re able to read individual letters of praise to God for answers to prayer and testimonies of God’s faithfulness through the various difficulties they’ve encountered in their marriages and families.
You can read the testimonies and the stories of restored marriages by clicking into them from the side bar of the Home page of their web site.
To begin that process:
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(USA) I have been back and forth on whether I should stand for my marriage. My husband has been gone for over a year now and is currently living with another woman. At first I was hurt and angry. I started drinking very heavy and thought that would make it better. I realized that it does not.
I see my husband does not want to be bothered so I decided to move on as well. I have tried dating over the past year but have not found anyone that feels right. I have tried to decide if standing full force is the right thing to do for my family. We have 3 children 4, 5 and 13 so they are hurting too. My husband is influenced by so many negative forces that I do not see a way of restoration or repair for our marriage. I do not know what to do.
(USA) Kenya, may God Bless you and hear your troubles
rejoiceministries.org/encouragingwomen.org
Give it to the Lord. Nothing is impossible for him. Pray for your husband…Fellow Stander
(USA) I just found this website. I too have been standing for our marriage. My husband told he had feelings for another woman (a coworker), in January. He moved out in February and filed for divorce in March. We have 2 girls (ages 12 and 15). The other woman is married and has also filed for divorce. My husband says what he has with her is "real", they have "talked about a future together".
I am tired of waiting. I pray, read the Bible and other devotions daily. Sometimes (usually) things seem hopeless. I feel scared and lonely. I miss my husband. I had no idea we had serious problems, but now he says we have had problems for years. We have been married nearly 17 years. Please help me.
(USA) Hello all, Maybe my story will encourage some here. I was the prodigal a little while back. I was/am in a marriage for 17 years. My feelings for my wife were as a roommate, not a wife. I reunited with a woman I used to love back in high school and we really hit it off. My wife found out but I was certain I wanted to start a new relationship.
I was convicted though the whole time, about hurting my wife and separating from my kids. The other woman got convicted too and we agreed to break it off. It was hard to do this for a little while but I did it in obedience to what I knew was right. My heart did a complete 180 for my wife. God really got a hold of me and I saw all the things I did wrong to my wife over the years. My heart turned around very quickly.
Unfortunately, my wife decided to move out of our marriage and separated 3 months ago. I am now a stander. I know what it feels like to be scared, lonely and discouraged. I just keep praying everyday for God’s mercy. I do believe that it is His will for reconciliation and that He hates divorce. Keep fighting. I believe the Lord has led us all who are standing to stand. Our battle is not against flesh and blood but against the spiritual powers of darkness.
(USA) Hi Ann, I’m sorry for what you are going thru. I to, am going thru the same thing. I know what you are feeling. DON’T GIVE UP! Satan has your husband & the other woman right now. Pray for him daily. Pray for her.
rejoiceministries.org and encouragingwomen.org are great websites! They will support you and encourage you for the ‘STAND’ of your husband and marriage. Read the restored marriage testimonies. And remember nothing is impossible for GOD. Fellow ‘STANDER’
(USA) My husband’s affair with a co-worker ended over two years ago. We were all friends at one time. We both supported her and her children emotionally during a difficult divorce. My husband was so gullible about her intentions toward him. I truly believe he never saw it coming. They started to confide in each other and one thing lead to another. Sad, very sad… because by the time he realized he was in way over his head and actually loved me. She was all but filing our divorce papers for us!
Unfortunately we live in the same town, work in the same venue (I am my husband’s legal assistant) and it would destroy our practice to move away. We are still confronted with her frequently, and she has NO, ZERO remorse. She pursued my husband for a solid year after several people in our community had the courage to tell me what they knew and I confronted my husband. By that time, he was disengaging, on his own, from her, and that made her angry and spiteful.
I have to say that my husband has done absolutely everything he can to make me feel secure. We have had counseling, attended a marriage conference weekend that very much helped us get back on track and reminded us how much we loved each other. How devastating this has been to BOTH of us and our children and grandchildren. He never stops beating himself up for being "so stupid," (his words, not mine), and I don’t bring it or her up anymore. We had it out, we separated for 6 months… a time period during which I prayed for him every day, but asked God to release me. But in the end we both saw what a terrible mistake it was, realized that we loved each other and had to find a way to put our marriage and our family back together.
Today we have a stronger marriage than ever before, BUT and this is a big BUT, I think I can’t seem to get over the sadness (sometimes, not all the time… sometimes it just hits me, "my best friend " one of the few men I have ever trusted, betrayed me in a way I never thought could happen to us).
First mistake, don’t ever think it can’t happen to you. Ladies and guys, pray against this blight on our society EVERY DAY and for your spouse in this regard (and others, of course) EVERY DAY. Satan wants marriages and families to FAIL. Next to true terrorism, I think it may be the next most insidious enemy society faces today! It is devastating, discouraging (even to strong Christians).
So, my question is, to anyone who can help me with this… will I ever get over the sad (no longer angry) feeling of the betrayal? I know he has done absolutely everything a God-fearing man can do to "fix" it. I don’t mention it to him anymore. In the beginning our counselor encouraged us both to talk to each other ANY time the subject bothered either of us, so that there were no secrets between us to cause doubt. And also my husband did not want to be shielded from the pain it caused me. He was insistent that we had been best friends when we met and through most of our marriage and he wanted to be there for me, just as he had always been before. It took a great deal of courage on both our parts, but we agreed that we would always tell each other if things got difficult or emotions were just too much to handle… we have both stuck to that promise.
But two years later, I still have occasional dreams about her, not any longer about them together, but about her. It has become more about her betrayal of our friendship and her total lack of remorse… in fact outright anger toward me because I got in the way of her plans. The anger does not bother me, other than I think she has a lot of nerve and it is probably a defensive tactic because she knows she was wrong and has admitted that to him (never to me). But I want this to stop. I have forgiven my husband. He just tries so hard… it would break his heart, I think, and completely discourage him if he knew this is still haunting me.
Do I need to seek counseling again? I just can’t seem to get over the pain, not totally. There is that last, I don’t know, ounce of sadness and yes, betrayal still inside. I have prayed about it, asked God to remove it. I pray for her that she will never do this to another "friend" or family and not to be bitter toward her because that only hurts us. So, where do I go from here? I need this to go away. I want it to go away. Is two years just not enough time, or is their something I am still missing here?
(USA) I honestly don’t know if I want to anymore. My marriage has never been easy and I have done the standing thing while I waited and waited for him to be delivered from drugs and to be saved. He was and I was thankful but now 5 years later I had to ask him to leave yesterday because of his terrible temper. He is very emotionally abusive and in the past before we became Christians very physically abusive.
I’m just sooo tired, emotionally and physically. He would come back home today if I would let him but I think I just want to be done. Is it ok to not stand for your marriage when abuse is involved? I just feel like moving on at this point. I know God hates divorce but God has seen how much I fought the enemy, how much I stood in the gap and how much I have taken from my spouse. I just can’t imagine spending the rest of my life like this. This just can’t be right? I am so on the fence but leaning towards on side. Any thoughts?
(SINGAPORE) Hi Chris, thanks for sharing your story, it does encourage me. I know that God is working in my husband’s heart but just to see it typed out by somebody who was the prodigal really makes me sure about my stand. Don’t give up, I know that if God can change you, He can change your wife. Just give everything to HIM.
(USA) Update: I am standing again as God has gotten a hold of my heart and I believe the Lord will complete the good work he has started in us. Whew, I feel so much better not fighting God anymore! It’s so much easier to just submit to his will. Now if I can just get that submission part down in my relationship with my husband! :0)
(US) I understand what you are going through. My husband walked away from our marriage, and it’s a hurting feeling.