I have had to pray him out of some workplaces where some of these stupid moves all began and he has maintained some of these girls no matter where he is working. It feels bad to know someone you need to trust 100% is doing things which are not acceptable, not even to animals. I feel very bad and very disappointed. Please pray with me.

You place upon all of that, the fact that commitment to each other and commitment to staying in a marriage and working things out is at an all-time low — with finding new “soul mates” with others and divorcing being the new “solution” for solving problems so one can “move on” with their life… and you have the mess we have in marriage relationships today.

I recently read, “There are two key predictors of a resilient relationship, experts say: mutual support and a willingness to sacrifice.” As I read that I thought how true that is. Couples are marrying for the wrong reasons and they also aren’t being as careful as they should be to make sure those character traits are within BOTH of them. They say that a marriage becomes as strong as the least emotionally and morally healthy person in it, and we’ve sure seen that to be true. Oh how we wish we could shout it from the housetops so all could hear, “Be careful; beware; study each other and marriage and God’s principles more before marrying!”

Christ can help couples learn how to live a life of sacrifice, as well as being mutually and morally supportive, but people are blind to applying these principles within their marriage relationships. Oh how God must cry over this!

I also read about a group of marriage experts that were asked the following question: “What do you think is the best piece of advice for a long and healthy marriage?” Their conclusion: “Have a long-term view: It’s like investing in the stock market, you can’t pull your money out as soon as it dips.” But the problem is that people are pulling out too fast and they aren’t willing to mutually make the sacrifices it takes to make a marriage a good one.

As author and counselor Norm Wright said, “Marriage is more than sharing a life together; it’s building a life together. What you do now is for both, and what is said now is for both. What your purpose is now is for the kingdom and giving glory to the image of God.” People just aren’t getting it that marriage requires more of them than living for their own personal edification and happiness. There is a lot of sacrifice, maturity, and stead-fast commitment required to build a good and happy marriage.

I also read this past week about a discussion marriage experts had that “revolved simply around whether one could learn how to have a happy marriage. With national statistics showing that 50% of first marriages will end in divorce, it begs the question whether couples can learn to strengthen their marriage, or if they must simply rely on luck and hope that they and their spouse can learn to get along on their own.

“The conclusion was that clearly happy marriages don’t just happen, couples can learn how to be more fulfilled and at peace in their marriages. They just sometimes need some guidance. The real trick over time is to change the culture within our society from one of discarding marriages because couples have ‘fallen out of love’ to one of committing to marriage and learning how to make each one stronger even through difficult periods.”

So you can see Felicia, that you are right about marriages becoming nightmares. They are man-made nightmares because God’s principles aren’t being lived out within homes as they should be. But please don’t let that disillusion you that things can’t turn around, or that you can’t someday remarry and have a good life together, because it IS possible. We live it; we see it in many homes; and we know it is possible — with God ALL things are possible.

It’s just that couples have to be more intentional, getting their heads out of the clouds or wherever they are, as far as what they expect and are willing to bring into marriage. They/we are to LIVE Christ, first as growing and healthy individuals and then together– the way God intends — revealing the heart of Christ with the way we live together.

Please pray for the ministry of Marriage Missions. We are trying to help couples get a clue as to how to make their marriages reflect God’s heart and plan for their lives together. Many get it, but even more don’t… so there is a desperate need.

As a matter of fact, we’re in the gathering stage of preparing to start a new section of the web site titled “Single, but Preparing” to help educate those who hope someday to marry but want to approach it in a godly, healthy way. It takes a lot of work (and will take even more to maintain it) but it’s SO needed!

Thank you Felicia for your thoughts. How we pray more people understand what you are saying in your comment. It’s really true.

We need to define who we are before we make this life-long commitment. If we are not happy with ourselves as individuals no one will ever make us happy, not even our spouse. Secondly, we need to be selfless with our love i.e. to love unconditionally. Since we come from different backgrounds, with different values we tend to look at issues from a different perspective from our spouses. Therefore it is up to us to find out what values have been imparted to our partner from his/her family, etc.

I’ve been widowed for the past 9 years and would love to re-marry but the stories I’m reading above makes me wonder whether or not it will be a worth while venture. May God help mend all the ailing marriages.

I feel so lonely because we have no children, maybe if we had, they could cheer me up knowing that I have to care for them. I have been praying for all these years, but no change. Now I feel like life has no meaning for me and that God has put a deaf ear to my prayers. I don’t know what to do now. PLEASE HELP.

I left after that incident but returned to take care of his ailing mum but after a while I couldn’t take more pressure and found myself packing and I just left. I stayed away for many days though his mums condition kept deteriorating and when I had that I wanted to go back to take care of her but this wasn’t easy as he kept me away with the excuse that I had to let her get better so that we can talk and seek forgiveness for having walked out on her. But unfortunately she passed on.

I was only able to attend to her funeral. After all this we were able to sit down with my best maid and her husband for reconciliation and we did for the sake of the children but this was not his wish.

He gave a car he had bought for me to his girlfriend and he rarely comes home. And if he does, he comes very late and into my bedroom (as we sleep in different rooms) says all the bad words to me like how I don’t add value to my children and to him and demands to have his bed made (since he locks it and only opens it when he returns). After making his bed then he forces me into sex which makes me feel sick emotionally…

I don’t know if I am to carry on until he is tired or separate from him but all I do is just pray. By the way, he says that I never cared for his mum and so I should suffer as she did. Please assist me. Thanks.

In my community, marriage is like for keeps, and infidelity is more or less accepted as ‘normal for men’. Our biggest problem is the infamous communication. While I like to talk through every issue, my husband fears confrontation and assumes that as long as a matter is not discussed, it does not exist.

I feel so torn and trapped. Things will never change, cos while I’m shouting about one affair, he is already in the next one. I want to provide a stable home for my children but I keep thinking that I cannot live all my life like this. I even feel tired of praying, it’s like every time he travels I pray that he does not get into any mischief. I mean, isn’t that too much work?

I have stopped shouting or asking him anything. We share a bed but are complete strangers. Every time we try to have a discussion, it gets into an argument cos he will put the blame on me and just dismiss everything I say.

I sought help and quit drinking. I realize that she is the priority of my life and my soul mate. We have been separated for 20 weeks. She doesn’t want to be married anymore. I do. I pray; I try my best to stay positive. CAN SOMEONE HELP?

I also had the experience where God had to show me how wrong I was in all of this. He is also taking me through a time where He is teaching me how to be a better wife to my husband. This time is really needed, but I just miss my husband so much. All I can do now is trust that all this will work for our good.

I’ve lived with him thru joblessness, affairs with neighbors’ wives and him impregnating another girl. l am tired of being called a witch, a whore, and an ingrate. He hates my little sister and talks badly about my parents’ home. l am tired of praying and am just looking at the situation. l have given up.

Unfortunately, my husband does not participate in our marriage emotionally, spiritually, financially or otherwise. He literally sleeps, showers, eats and leaves to return at any point in the night. He blows off all my attempts to talk. I think the biggest shock for me was his lack of engagement with the Body of Christ or Christ himself. I am completely shocked that he doesn’t spend time with God nor in local church fellowship. However, he spends quite a bit of time at bars, returning home early in the morning intoxicated.

I’ve argued with him, insulted him, asked him to leave, proposed divorce all in rage and anger. I’ve also tried to apologize and be reconciled to him for my part in the discord of our marriage. However, he believes forgiveness is not given when we knowingly sin. He doesn’t feel he’s responsible for any of the discord in our marriage. The main issue, according to him, is that I don’t submit to him and allow him to be the head of his family. Even my requests for him to define what this means are met with insults and then the silent treatment.

His approach paralyzes all attempts for communication and reconciliation. I no longer grovel like before. I am filled with doubts if I heard God about marrying him. I feel hopeless at times. I am sorely angry for his lack of financial contributions and not disclosing what he earns. We are in trouble. I’ve prayed like crazy and it seems to get worse than better. I stopped going to counseling (he won’t go). As I read this I know it can be turned around. I just need more grace to trust God that it can be done for me. And I need more grace to be patient in the middle of my own heartbreak, disappointment, anger and wanting to quit. Thanks for sharing your testimony.