There’s not too much else in the entertainment world that’s as great as watching a romantic movie, or reading a romantic story or novel, at least from a woman’s point of view —other than experiencing the real thing, of course.

Sometimes though, watching romantic movies and reading romantic stories can become addictive and actually cause problems in many of today’s marriages. After-all, there aren’t too many spouses who have script writers available to help them say and do just the “right” romantic thing.

And for that reason, we end up expecting more from our spouse and marriage, in itself, than is realistic.

“The paradigm (the set of unwritten rules) about love that we have accepted is dysfunctional. In fact, I’m going to suggest that we’ve been unconsciously brainwashed into believing a number of false premises about how love, sex and lasting relationships develop. I’m not suggesting there has been some sinister attempt to ruin lives, but I am emphatically saying a way of thinking about relationships has developed in our culture that, when examined, turns out to be incapable of producing the kind of relationships we’re seeking.” (Chip Ingram, from book, “Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships”)

To further look into this problem and how it can affect marriages, please click onto the Family Life Today web site link to read the following article:

• WHAT DOES HOLLYWOOD TEACH US ABOUT LOVE?

One of the contributing problems is that sometimes “the grass can look greener on the other side of the street.” When you live with each other in marriage day in and day out, and when you are looking at perfection —or close to it (on the big screen or on the written page) more than is healthy, it can be problematic to your marriage.

That’s one of the things I discovered earlier in our married lives. I was getting so caught up into watching romantic movies and reading romantic stories and novels that I became addicted to the type of romance that went beyond reality. My husband didn’t have a chance of “measuring up” in everyday living, to the plastic and paper “heroes” that those stories portrayed, or sustaining the “high” of those romantic interludes day in and day out.

Even though he’s my hero, he’s also a real person. Superman, he isn’t! (But neither am I Lois Lane or Superwoman.)

I’m not the only one who has found this to be a reality in their married lives. The following is a web site link to an article posted at Kyria.com, which that tells of someone else’s experience in this. It brings up some points you may want to consider:

• I WAS ADDICTED TO ROMANCE

Two additional articles (one written by Jen Booth, posted on Crosswalk.com and the other two are written by Sheila Wray Gregoire, posted on Tolovehonorandvacuum.com), which you might find helpful to read are:

• WOMEN: ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH ROMANCE?

• ROMANCE NOVELS: Dangerous, Harmless, or Just Fun?

• WHY KINDLES CAN WRECK YOUR MARRIAGE

Author Russell Moore, brings up the same point that I, eventually, learned. And that is that there’s “something about the allure of the commercialized romance story.” He even compares it to the addictive lure of pornography, which seems a bit startling, and yet there seems to be some truth to it.In the Crosswalk.com article “Can Romance Novels Hurt Your Heart?” Dr Moore writes,

“And in both cases, what the ‘market’ wants is sameness. Men want the illusion of women who look just like women but are, in terms of sexual response, just like men. Women want the illusion of men who are ‘real’ men, but, in terms of a concept of romance, are just like women. In both artificial eros and artificial romance, there is the love of the self, not the mystery of the other.”

In my own marriage, I eventually wised up and traded in the “unreal” for the “real.” I found a way to talk to my husband about this problem (although sometimes we have to “revisit” the subject when it’s necessary).

I used to buy into the lie that romance and love should come naturally, no matter how long you’ve been together. But I’ve since learned that it’s more a matter of intentionality to put romance back into the busyness of everyday living that makes a marriage fun, and sustainable, and romantic.

Dr John Gottman, who is known for his foundational work and expertise in the field of marriage said the following about making your marriage a success:

“The issue is… how rich your stockpile of good feelings is about each other to weather difficulties and keep your basic attitude toward your partner positive.”

So not only is it important to learn how to work through your disagreements in a respectful and marriage building way, it’s also important to look for ways to romance and help your attitudes remain positive about each other.

My husband Steve and I have committed to look for ways to infuse romance into our REAL lives together as husband and wife (much like we used to do before we married each other —only now it takes more intentionality as the years continue).

I’m married to a great guy and he can be very romantic, but he can also be “romantically challenged” at times (just like I can be). He needs a bit of help and prodding sometimes, but it’s sure worth the effort! That’s where some of the “Romantic Ideas” in this section of our web site come in handy. It’s for us as much as for anyone else!

Another thing that has helped our marriage is that I have learned about and work on my own “frailties.” Reading romance novels and watching too many romantic movies isn’t a good thing for me. I can become addicted to romance to such an extent that it isn’t healthy for our marriage, or my thought life.

Just being aware of that weakness, has been helpful as well. It’s been a great decision to stop feeding my addiction, and very freeing, as well (for both of us).

It’s like what author Sabrina Beasley says, “Romance grows when you give of yourself and enjoy the other person for who they are deep inside.” And deep inside, Steve may not be as romantic as some characters on television, and in the movies and in written stories, but that’s ok, I’m not perfect in many ways either. I love the person my husband is deep inside, and together, we can work on romance in a way that works great for our marriage.

Above all, we look to the Lord, whose very name means LOVE, to teach us how to love and romance each other in a way that works for both of our personalities and to the glory of God. It’s amazing how our Wonderful Counselor, the Holy Spirit, can show us how to do that as we look to Him!

If you find that you’re having problems in your marriage because you hold “Hollywood” expectations for your spouse, or because you are feeding a romance addiction, we pray the Lord will use what is written here to minister to your marriage in a positive way.

“It is worth asking, ‘Is what I’m consuming leading me toward contentment with my spouse (or future spouse) or away from it? Is it pointing me to the other in one-flesh union or to an eroticized embodiment of my own desires? Is this the mystery or a mirage?’

The above article is written by Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions.