“In a significant and personal way, God taught me about “in sickness and in health” and asked me again if I meant it. By His grace, I do.” (Martha Marlow Carpenter)

Part of the vows we make on our wedding day is to love, honor, and stay true to each other through “sickness and in health.” The problem is that most often when we say these vows we don’t realize that seasons of sickness really WILL be a part of our married lives at some point or the other and when it does — particularly when the illness is chronic, we’re caught off-guard.

When Steve and I (Cindy) married, we didn’t realize that just a short time afterwards Steve would be diagnosed with Type-1 Diabetes which would drastically alter the “normalcy” we’d experience for the rest of our lives together. In truth, even when short-termed illness hit one of us, we usually didn’t handle it very well.

Our subsequent behavior wasn’t always as mature or as unselfish as Christ would want of us. So when Steve, overnight, became an Insulin-dependant Diabetic with all that this illness brings with it, our vows to each other started a journey of testing such as we’d never imagine.

For anyone who has lived with someone who has severe Diabetes they will know that it drastically changes so many things and brings with it a lot of “grow up” opportunities. Your lives together are never the same. I’m ashamed to say that over the years I’ve had my share of pity-parties in my mind over this whole thing. And all too often my behavior has reflected that which I allowed my mind to indulge in.

I’d like to share one incident in particular because I think it has lessons for us all. Things had been really difficult for a long period of time and involved a lot of sleepless nights on my part.

One night there was a huge incident that was extremely scary and embarrassing (because it started out in public) and ended up being more than I thought I could ever handle again. When Steve came out of his insulin reaction and I knew it was safe to leave him alone in the room I told him I needed to have a real tough talk with the Lord—alone!

Because we were in a hotel room I didn’t have many places to go to be alone so I went into the bathroom, locked the door, drew a huge bubble-bath, laid in it and just cried and cried and cried. I remember crying out in my heart to God, “I didn’t marry this. This isn’t what I thought I’d signed on for when we married. This is just too hard. Steve isn’t the same man I married. I want out! I can’t take this anymore!”

I wanted so bad just to leave Steve, never look back, and leave my wedding promises in the dust.

God was so merciful to just let me cry for the longest time. And when I got to a place where I would listen, He spoke such truth to my heart letting me know that “Yes, it’s true you didn’t know marriage was going to be this hard. And yes, Steve isn’t the same man you married, but that’s the way it is. This is the tough part of marriage. Now grow up —because marriage isn’t for children.”

And besides, what made me think that I hadn’t done a whole lot of changing myself? I was certainly no picnic to live with sometimes either. I definitely needed to listen to what God had to say.

As God spoke to my heart He let me know that just because marriage was more difficult than I’d ever imagined, that didn’t give me the right to break my promise to honor Steve in times of health as well as in sickness. Well, this was (and is) the sickness part!

And what about Steve—did he choose to have Diabetes? Did I think this was a picnic for him? And because he had (and has) Diabetes does that mean that he shouldn’t be married because it brings hardship on his wife? God also impressed upon my heart that He loves Steve and has a mission for me to work through in partnership with him.

Part of that the mission is to be an understanding wife and help-mate, reflecting the love of Christ even when I don’t feel like it. That’s part of what it means to be a Christ follower. We’re not spared the times of suffering but participate with Him in it rising ABOVE it as Christ guides us to be victorious.

It’s during the hard times that the love and character of Christ is tested and has the REAL opportunity to come through—the rest of the time is all practice for the real thing. It’s especially during those difficult times that we need to listen, yield, and follow through with all that God reveals to us in His Word, the Bible (when we make the time to read it), and all He reveals to us when we listen to the promptings of His Holy Spirit.

Part of what I’m learning through all of this is that, yes, my husband has changed since we first got married. But we ALL change —EVERY day. Life is fluid. Everyday living consists of changes, which can’t help but change us with it. So what are we to do with this dilemma? Are we to take back our promises just because the other person is now different than when we first married them? Do circumstances that change us make our promises to each other null and void? Absolutely not!

If it does, what can anyone ever count on with us? The Bible says, “If a man makes a vow to the Lord, or takes an oath to bind himself with a binding obligation, he shall not violate his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth (Numbers 30:2).

Each new day, God has been teaching Steve and me what it means to live out our promises to each other and how to adjust in Christ-like ways to the challenges we face —but it hasn’t been easy —or smooth-sailing, by any means.

Even though we WANT to always respond to each other in loving, selfless ways, and even though we know better, we still sometimes react as we shouldn’t. Even the apostle Paul battled with that one. (See: Romans 7:15-25.) But we’re learning, and we’re growing in the grace and mercy of God for which we’re thankful.

We pray that whatever you’re facing in your marriage, that you’ll allow God to work in and through your lives to touch each other’s hearts with the merciful love of Christ. We also pray that your lives will be a living testimony that we can be “more than conquerors in Christ Jesus” and that what God is able to do for you, He’s able to do for others, for the glory of God.

Our love and prayers are with you,
Cindy Wright (along with Steve)

Please note: We also have an article entitled “In Sickness and In Health” in our web site that may also minister to you on this same subject. We suggest you check it out!