What couple doesn’t want a wonderful marriage? Most people (except for narcissistic people with their own agenda) would say, “Absolutely, sign me up!” But it takes more than wanting something to actually having it. And that’s true with having a wonderful marriage. As authors, Lilo and Gerard Leeds, who wrote the book, Wonderful Marriage (published by Benbella Books) say, “You don’t HAVE a great marriage, you BUILD one — brick by brick, and skill by skill.”

So, to help you to build that wonderfully great marriage, we will share with you a few of the “bricks” — the marriage tips that Lilo and Gerard have learned in their 57+ years of marriage. And here is an additional challenge for you, as you read what they have written, think of the biblical principles and scriptures that apply to each tip given. There are plenty of them! Here are a few (edited) quotes from the book Wonderful Marriage:

• To have a great relationship, you have to start with yourself -ideally BEFORE you get married, but it is never too late for improvement. Your life - and all your relationships — will change as you develop the traits that define a person of good character. As our son Greg pointed out, “It is not enough to marry the right partner, you need to work to be the right partner.”

• If you want a relationship to last, you have to focus on what you both have in common, not on what divides you, what you admire in each other, not what you might want to criticize. Notice what you like about your partner — and let your partner know. Encourage each other to become the kind of people you both respect and admire. Bring out the best in each other.

• Go out of your way to notice the small things you each do to help and support one another — and express your thanks. Show your gratitude for even the small gestures; it’s another way of expressing your love. If you both show your appreciation and gratitude for the small acts of kindness, you will find yourselves falling in love over and over again. Happy couples say it is important not only to show your kindness to the world, but also to each other.
• Be generous with your hugs and kisses and touches. Don’t let your loving ways change once you are married.

• Initiate new rituals that belong to just the two of you. Light a candle at dinner, call each other private nicknames, make a cup of coffee and read aloud to each other from your favorite novel or collection of poetry, have breakfast in bed and agree not to talk about chores, conflicts, or problems of any sort for those two hours. Shared rituals connect you and bring you closer. [Read more →]

The following checklists can help you and your partner identify possible problems and talk them over. They will also help you get to know each other better. Ask yourself and each other the following questions.

1. Addiction or Excessive Use of Alcohol, Drugs, Etc.

Whether the problem is alcohol, drugs, gambling, or anything else, it leads to behavior that makes a person unreliable and untrustworthy. It will inevitable prevent the addict from putting the partner’s needs first. Feeding the addiction will always come first, not the partner.

• Does my partner’s drinking/drug use/gambling make me uncomfortable?
• Does he or she acknowledge that there is an addiction problems?
• Is he or she now in treatment or seeking professional help to overcome this addiction?

2. Controlling or Bullying Tendencies

If you feel as if your partner tries to micromanage every detail of your relationship and your life, neither of you will feel as if you have a relationship of two independent, mature adults. If he insists on having his own way more than you think is fair or she does not respect your independence, then it won’t be long before the two of you will experience conflict.

• Does he or she expect me to account for my whereabouts every single minute of the day? If I don’t, does he or she express annoyance or worse?
• Does he or she try to bully me into doing things I do not want to do?
• Does your partner fail to consult you on important decisions? [Read more →]