We dated for 2 years (I had a previous marriage with a cheater) so I told him that I won’t trust a man again. He said he’s different and he showed me a lot of love and treated me like a princess; he used to call me his princess.

After two years of dating we bought a house together and lived in it for 5 years. During those 5 years I caught him twice cheating. The first time, let’s say it was my fault. During an argument I told him that he could go and find someone else because I wouldn’t sleep to him anymore. Guess what? He didn’t wait for me to say it twice. He found someone.

When confronting him, he didn’t admit it but I found phone numbers and it just confirmed what I was suspecting. Never mind. It was my fault. I pushed him to this. We were living in the same house so after a month we decided to a new fresh start so everything was ok for a few months.

When he get sick and needed surgery I went daily to the hospital and after a week he came home but the doctor told him to rest for a few days and not to start work. One morning I called home and got no answer. I called him on his cell and asked him where he was and he said at work. I asked him, why didn’t you call me to let me know that you decided to go to work? He said it wasn’t that important.

After a few weeks the cell bill arrived and I had a feeling that something wasn’t right so I opened his bill (which usually I didn’t do) and surprise surprise! I found 2 new phone numbers so I went to a public phone and dialed the numbers and I found out to whom the numbers belonged to and the name of the person (Lynn).

So that evening he came home from work around 6:30 (he’s a salesman) and I asked him, who’s Lynn? He replied, Why are you asking? I said, Because on the morning you started working you called her. Who is she that you need to call so early in the morning? He said that she’s a friend.

After more interrogations I found out that she’s a client and they became friends, and again I asked him why I don’t know about this friend of yours? You know all my friends male or female. Anyway, I said to him that I wanted to sell the house and move out because I don’t trust him any more and if I accept this situation he will do it again and again and I don’t need this in my life.

The house was sold within one week and I moved back to my condo and he bought a house in the country side. We decided to stay friends but after a few weeks it became more than this so we were a couple again. This time each of us had our own places and we saw each other during the weekend and the same days during the week. A few months after this, I caught him that he was registred on the dating line on the internet. At this point I told him that is over.

After a few months we met at a common friend’s party and the next day he invited me out to have a drink so I accepted. I lied to him that I was in a relationship with someone from work and he was miserable. He begged me to get back with him because he learned his lesson.

Another 2 years passed, and from time to time he told me how much he hated himself for what he did in the past (he was hoping that one day I would move back with him but I always said, don’t dream about it because you had your chance).

So we went on vacations; we had a nice 2 years until this weekend. I went on his computer (I spent my weekend at his place and I was alone — he went to help someone to do whatever). I tried to talk to my sister back home (I am from Europe). When I opened skype, surprise surprise! I found all his chats with a young girl from France. She is 23-24 and he’s 54. He told her he’s 44 and the things that were said just made me puke. He was masturbating when talking with her. She sent pictures and he was asking if she had more intimate pics after he started to call her mon amour, Princess all the name he used with me during intimacy … So in conclusion, the man who cheats once will never change. I just lost 10 years of my life and you know, I am not even hurt –just disgusted, and I feel sorry for him. I hope this will help you a bit.

As months passed I noticed he kept looking at the same site and again I would ask until recently. He saw that I was very upset, crying. He hugged me and asked what was wrong. I told him again about the site. He said he would never cheat on me. I asked why. His answer was he looked at the girls because I wasn’t having sex with him. I told him we just had a baby, I have been going to school, I am stressed out right now and asked why hadn’t he talked to me if it bothered him.

Anyway, my point here is he wants me to trust him but it’s hard to and is it a sin what he is or was doing? Lately I checked his computer. I haven’t found anything on escorts. Should I trust him again?

It turns out he and this woman had been exchanging sexual emails and when she found out that he was married w/ a child she became enraged and went to her manager. He claims that he had ended the sexual texting with her a month or so prior to all of this, but she didn’t want to hear it so she was still calling him and texting him but he wasn’t responding.

I feel so hurt! Never in my life would have imagined that my husband would do this to me. We are currently in marriage counseling. He has promised me that he isn’t doing the same things anymore, but it’s so hard for me to trust him. I don’t know what he’s doing while I’m at work. Not only am I having to deal with my feelings about my husbands actions but I’m also having to deal with being the sole provider for our family.

Although I feel like the counseling is helping and I love him and I want to make it work; it is so hard for me to move past the hurt and pain I’m feeling. I feel like he destroyed our future. He had a good job and he was moving up in the company. Now, he has nothing and everything is on me. And I just don’t know how I will ever be able to trust him again.

As for “what to do.” I’m not entirely sure, but I have some thoughts as I pray about this. It’s something you should sure pray about. I wouldn’t however, be so quick to throw the divorce word around — or even consider it as an option yet. There are other steps that need to be worked through before that should be considered.

The first is prayer. Pray for your marriage and for his eyes to be opened and for his heart to see yours and how much this behavior hurts you. And don’t stop. I understand that you may be angry… but this man definitely needs prayer!

Secondly, I believe you HAVE to put some type of boundary down on this. The reason your husband is continuing to do this is because he can. He doesn’t see the damage it is doing and enjoys the chase (even though he should have stopped chasing other women when he said his wedding vow to you). And because he’s done this in the past, he will continue doing it in the future. He doesn’t see a reason to stop.

A good article for you to read is titled “Why Doesn’t My Husband Change? Functional Fixedness” — it’s in the “Save My Marriage” section of this web site.

Next, you need to draw a line in the sand to stop the revolving door in your marriage relationship and in your heart with how your husband interacts with other women. You may even need to talk to a PRO-MARRIAGE counselor (see what that means in the articles we have posted in the “Marriage Counseling” section) BEFORE you talk to your husband about his unfaithful behavior. A counselor might help you to put a plan together to set clear boundaries and consequences. Things are more complicated because of your geographical distance right now, but a good counselor can help you to figure that out.

I’m sure your husband will try to justify his actions — calling them innocent fun… but there’s nothing innocent in ripping your heart apart. You have a right as his wife to expect fidelity — in every way. That’s all part of marriage. You need to approach your husband in a respectful but firm manner.

But make sure you approach him at a time when emotions aren’t running high. They will get tested as it is, but you don’t want to start them in an elevated position right from the start! It’s important that you approach your husband at a time when he may be more open to listening to your heart rather than a time when you should H.A.L.T. – which would be a time when either of you is Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. There’s more vulnerability to be less tolerant during those times.

As author Scott Stanley says about approaching during a vulnerable time, “Studies show that we tend to give people more benefit of the doubt [and grace] when we’re in a good mood and less benefit of the doubt when in a bad mood [or one of the above factors is in play]. If you’re in a bad mood, you’re more likely to perceive whatever your partner says or does more negatively, no matter how positive he or she is trying to be.”

So, the point is, to ask God to help you discern when would be the best time to talk with your husband. You’ll probably still get a negative reaction from your him (because he won’t want to stop what he’s doing and will rationalize his behavior), but there’s less of a chance of your discussion getting out of hand if you pick a better time to make your approach.

If separation is the choice he makes (if he doesn’t change his heart and actions on this — that means that HE’S making the choice not to participate in this marriage — not you, because you have the right to expect fidelity on every level), I still wouldn’t talk divorce. I’d live out the principles of “Separation” (we have articles posted in the “Separation and Divorce” section of this web site that explain this). Even if your husband won’t agree to the principles, it’s important that you’re faithful to them. Don’t do anything that violates the vows YOU made. Two wrongs don’t make a right! Don’t add to the problem.

Give God elbow room and time to work on your husband to bring him to repentance. Work on your own issues at that time to be the woman of God that He created you to be. Hopefully your husband will wake up to see how wrong he is and will see the wonderful woman he married and will step up to participate in your marriage as a faithful partner.

If not… at least you will know that you have done your part in living out your marriage commitment as you should and you will also have the benefit of growing spiritually with the Lord guiding you. God will guide you in this as you lean upon Him — rather than your own understanding of the matter. Above all, live a life of grace, as Christ demonstrated. I hope you will. My prayers are with you Meg.

I am at the point of considering divorce because I don’t think I can take it anymore. I have been married for two years but dated my husband for four years before that. If am honest with myself, all along our courtship and marriage, my husband has been flirting with other women. At first I thought this would stop and gave it time but six years down the line it gets worse.

We are currently working in different countries and I recently discovered that he has been sex-texting grossly with his colleague. There are other many incidences that we have had and I can count about 10 of those which I have confronted him about. He always says it is the usual flirting and there is nothing to read. He actually turns the heat on me as to why I go through his text messages and all.

I know I have lost trust in him… our marriage/relationship has changed. Please tell me what to do. Am I being paranoid? Each time I confront him he makes promises he never keeps. I’m hurting so bad and I have reached the point of saying I don’t want to live like this again. I want it to end.

If this were my boyfriend, I would run… not walk away and never return — no matter what excuse he gives. But of course, this is your decision. This guy has dishonored you and has put his "needs" above being considerate of someone he claims to care for — that is an integrity issue. From what I can see, your heart will continue to get trampled on more and more as he runs over you to find more thrills with other gals in the future. Please don’t allow yourself to be treated this way. You are not married to this person… so you do not have a marriage covenant partnership with him to work through issues.

As for the chase he is making toward other gals, this is sadly pretty normal for a lot of guys in today’s world because boundaries have been lowered and blatant pursuit for sexual action is considered normal. Yes, their testosterone levels are higher at this age, and that’s a tough thing. But no… that doesn’t mean that they have to act out in this way. They do it because they can.

I pray you will take yourself out of this game. You are created to be more than a piece of meat to be groped at and treated in such a manner. Sex is great… but not pre-mature sex delivered by someone who doesn’t respect you enough to commit himself exclusively to you for life.

I hope you will read through the "Sex before Marriage" section to see part of the reason why restraint is important. There is a soul tie that still happens when we allow ourselves to open the gift of sex prematurely to someone other than our spouse — a tie that is supposed to be exclusive with our spouse. God created us that way. Tragically, too many of us are leaving bits and pieces of ourselves with others and it is causing a world of emotional and spiritual damage as a result.

There are a few web sites that you might find helpful as a young person. One of them is Boundless.org and another is Crosswalk.com/singles and also Growthtrac.com and go into their “Singles and Dating” section or their “Community” section. I think these web sites might help you to work through various issues as a teen. I hope they help!

Rose, I will pray for you Sister… I know how much you are hurting and I believe that nothing good will come out of your husbands lies. He will be held accountable to God.

What people don’t realize when they mingle with the opposite sex in this way is that they are betraying the very covenant they made with the Father… They are only causing more pain and misery upon themselves… You can’t serve God and lust… It’s impossible… And God will not bless it in anyway…

We had just completed marriage counseling and had made a re-commitment to each other when this past school girl and neighbor friend made contact on "Face Book." At first I was not at all worried (after all she lives in New Zealand and we live in South Africa) but watched in dismay at the intensity of this relationship growing. Contact on "face book" was no longer good enough so the daily e-mails began. SMSing then began and followed by daily phone calls.

I tried explaining to my husband the hurt he was causing me and that this kind of flirting was wrong. He said that he could not understand my jealousy and I had no reason to object- this was his private life and he needed some space. Needless to say here we are, separated and my husband is in the process of planning his escape to New Zealand to meet up with this lady and there is talk of two divorces and marriage.

God has been by my side over the last few months. I have put my trust in the Lord and no matter what happens I Know there is a plan for me.

I would like to warn anybody out there who reads this letter to know that internet flirting is dangerous and hurtful. It can and does break marriages up. Beware the devil is watching and knows just how to trick you.