This is one of those examples where a simple answer really can’t be given. You need someone to give you good counsel who could talk with you back and forth a few times and try to help you to come up with a good compromise, if that is able to be reached. Since you said your husband is a Christian, I can see where he is torn on this. He wants to care for his extended family, and yet he has his wife’s needs to consider as well.

If you don’t have someone near you that can meet with you (and preferably meet with you and your husband), then go into the “Marriage Counseling” section of this web site. There is the ministry of Focus on the Family, which has a great arm of it’s ministry located in Canada. If you go into the “Links and Resource Descriptions” part of that section, you will find a link to their web site. I’m sure that if they can’t help you, they can recommend someone who can. I know that the directors even have a television program. Perhaps you could have them deal with a problem such as yours… I don’t know. But it’s worth a try.

Whatever you do, work to apply Philippians 4:4-13. God can help you as you put your cares upon Him by consistently praying. As we’re told in James 1:2-8, we can know that God will give wisdom generously when we ask. It sounds like you need great wisdom. Somehow, I’m sure you can work this problem out with your husband as you keep approaching him and the problem prayerfully. Hopefully good counsel will be available as well.

I pray God will help you in every way that you need it and that you will not destroy your relationship over a “problem.” God is bigger than our problems… please never forget that. Attack the problem, not each other. God will help you.

Let there be no mistake about it, if you do not love your wife as Christ loves the church, then you may be in jeopardy of losing the one you vowed to love until "death do you part." I know, we almost got a divorce over this! Now I can detect manipulation and know how to respond. Thank you for your information, it is priceless.

Oh well, one thing is for sure, I will never get married again.

I have tried to talk to him about the Bible, and what the Bible requests of him, as far as his responsibility towards his parents. I hope I am not wrong. But I wanted to know which comes first, the wife or the parents, in regards to seeing the grandchild. He believes it is his wife — that she is right in saying that she is supposed to be honored, instead of us, as far listening to us about our right to see our grand son and keeping his son occasionally. So please answer me back in this regard.

We want to see him so bad but she doesn’t want this. I think he is scared of her of leaving him, because he has been married 3 times. If it was up to him, we could see our grandchild, but she is the one standing in the way. She is the ruler of the house, but any way, please pray for us in this matter. Rebecca.

It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your parents. And that should never stop. But you are entering into a covenant relationship with God and with the man you will be marrying. God and your husband will be the ones you will need to primarily cleave to after you marry. The dynamics of your relationship needs to change between you and your parents as far as how much you share with them. You still share the love, but be careful of what else you share that could hurt your relationship with your husband and your marriage.

Beginning on your wedding day, your primary allegiance will be with God and your husband — with your parents coming in behind both of them. (And if you have children in the future, it would be God first, your spouse, your children, and then your parents and extended family.) You are leaving one family dynamic and entering into another.

It would be a very good thing for you and your fiance to read every article, quote and testimony we have posted on our web site dealing with parents and in laws BEFORE you marry, and to talk together about what you feel the Lord is saying to your hearts about your families. You both need to come up with some type of plan together on how you are going to transition from being in two separate family situations to build your own family –cleaving together in healthy ways, and yet trying not to unnecessarily hurt your parents. There may be some hurt feelings in the beginning, but prayerfully, if you work this out compassionately, you will be able to “leave and cleave” in ways that will be much better for all concerned than if you didn’t approach it this way.

And then after you marry, we have some good Newlywed articles to read and resources that we recommend, that would be good to work through. You want to make sure that you build a good foundation right from the start and establish a strong bond as husband and wife, with your parents being your cheerleaders from the outside looking in. It’s ok to ask their advice, but be careful of what you ask and tell them so they aren’t as prone to try to be intrusive. Your marriage will start the dawning of a new relationship between you and your parents. Be as wise and discerning and careful –yet as loving as it is possible, and I believe you will eventually be glad you handled it this way.