To a lot of people it seems to make sense that a wise step in knowing if you’re compatible to marry would be to “test run” your relationship by living together first. At least that’s what seems to be the consensus in today’s world. But is it really as good of an idea as it seems like it would be? Here’s what a few “experts” are saying about this situation:

“You may believe that living together is a good way to find out if you are compatible — a sort of ‘test drive’ that will improve your chances for marital success. While this seems to make sense intuitively, actually the opposite is true. Research indicates that couples who cohabit before marriage have a 50% higher divorce rate than those who don’t. These couples also have higher rates of domestic violence and are more likely to be involved in sexual affairs. If a cohabiting couple gets pregnant, there is a high probability that the man will leave the relationship within two years, resulting in a single mom raising a fatherless child.

“The best way to test your compatibility for marriage is to abstain from sex, date for at least one year before engagement and participate in a structured, premarital counseling program, which includes psychological testing.” (Bill Maier, Ph.D.)

There are a lot of reasons for not living together before marriage and those discussed above are just a few of them. Another reason is:

“THE MARRIAGE MYTH: Couples who live together before marriage, and are able to test how well suited they are for each other, have more satisfying and longer-lasting marriages than couples that don’t. Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have less satisfying marriages and a considerably higher chance of eventually breaking up.

“One reason is that people who cohabit may be more skittish of commitment and more likely to call it quits when problems arise. In addition, the very act of living together may lead to attitudes that make happy marriages more difficult. The findings of one recent study, for example, suggest, ‘There may be less motivation for cohabiting partners to develop their conflict resolution and support skills.’” (Smartmarriages® Subject: TOP 10 MYTHS OF MARRIAGE- Popenoe /Piece of Paper schedule – 2/13/02)

And then, even more importantly, there are spiritual reasons for not living together. As followers of Christ we are to do things God’s way:

“We are to give our body to our spouse only within the context of a permanent marriage commitment. (See Genesis 2:24.) Anything less than this dishonors the high purpose that God intends for our sexuality. Premarital sex is, therefore, self-centered —it seeks immediate physical pleasure at the expense of God’s design for us and for our partner. It should be fairly obvious as well that those who practice premarital sex on an ongoing basis are also deliberately reserving the right to exit the relationship easily, should they decide to. In other words, when someone calls on you for premarital sex, he is really saying, ‘I want to use your body to satisfy my sexual appetite, but I want to remain free to reject you afterward.’” (Dennis McCallum and Gary DeLashmutt, The Myth of Romance)

To add onto that:

“We have to understand that in God’s sight, when a man and woman marry and join their bodies together sexually, something spiritual occurs—they really do become “one.” When a husband and wife make love, it is a living picture of the spiritual reality of marriage—two people melded into one. But this physical joining is only one part of the union. Marriage is the combining of a man and woman at every level—not just sexually but emotionally, spiritually, and in every other way.

“In God’s plan, sexual union was never meant to be separated from this total union. C. S. Lewis compares having sex outside of marriage to a person who enjoys the sensation of chewing and tasting food, but doesn’t want to swallow the food and digest it. This is a perversion of God’s intent. Food was meant to be chewed and also swallowed. In a similar way, the sex act was meant to be part of the whole-life union of marriage. When we attempt to experience sex apart from this union, we’re disrespecting and dishonoring marriage.” (Joshua Harris, Sex is Not the Problem —Lust is)

Those are just a few of the reasons why it isn’t good to live together before marrying. There are even more reasons.

For you to be able to read some of them, we’re providing some links below to other web sites that provide articles you can read that might help you to further see why living together before marriage isn’t a good idea.

The first article is found on the web site TroubledWith.com. Please click onto the link below to read:

• The Problem with Living Together

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There is an article posted on the web site for AMFM (The Association for Marriage and Family Ministries) that could also give you further insights. Please click onto the link below to read:

• STOP TEST-DRIVING YOUR GIRLFRIEND

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For further information on this subject Dr Willard Harley, the founder of Marriage Builders has a Question and Answer article by the same title as this article: “Living Together Before Marriage.”

He makes some EXCELLENT points in his answers that we encourage you to read (plus other information you could find very useful on his web site).

TO READ THE ARTICLE:

CLICK HERE