“You marry because you love each other, and after you marry,
you love each other because you marry.”

Really think about it, isn’t that supposed to be true in our lives as followers of Christ? As we read the Bible we can see repeatedly that God’s trying to move us away from divorcing each other into living our marital lives with a deeper commitment to live out our promises. It’s our prayer that these weekly messages will help in that righteous cause.

A few weeks ago, we composed the following poem together with a message contained within. We pray it’s a blessing. After the poem, we have some further comments to make. Here goes:

Two Lovebirds, out on a limb,
One is a “her” — the other a “him.”
After they married, they built their own nest,
And that’s when their lives began a new quest.

In the beginning their love conquered all.
Then after a while she started to bawl,
“Why don’t you love me as much as before?
All of a sudden you’ve become a big bore.

You go off to work— then come home to eat,
you pick up the remote, and put up your feet.
And the rest of the evening all that I see,
is you flipping the channels on that stupid TV.

What’s happened to your promise— to love and adore?
I feel so neglected, why do you ignore,
the children and me, and all of our needs?
And look at the lawn— it’s turning to weeds!”

He looked up for a moment and said, “Don’t YOU start,
I’m working long hours. I’m doing MY part.

And what about YOU—what have YOU done all day?
This house is a mess— what do YOU have to say?
You crab, and you nag, and you criticize me.
What about you? How blind can YOU be?”

And now these two Lovebirds are really out on a limb.
One is a “her,” and the other a “him.”
Their love’s been reduced to accusations and fights,
seeking their own ways, and defending THEIR “rights.”
What about their promise to love, honor, and cherish?
Without God’s help this marriage could perish.

You see, marriage is a covenant… a promise to keep;
As you put God in the center, the benefits you’ll reap.
A cord of 3 strands is not quickly broken,
putting into practice the words God has spoken.
The words that He said, “Be imitators of Me,
just as Christ lived His life sacrificially.”

Submit to each other “as unto the Lord,”
give preference to the other and live in accord.
For Christian love is patient, unselfish, and kind.
It doesn’t hold grudges — it doesn’t seek to remind
their spouse of their faults that bug them the most.

It doesn’t seek to compete, and of course does not boast.
We’re to love as God loves — our vows we will keep,
to show those who don’t know Christ… that HIS love is FOR EVER deep.

So now those two Lovebirds are no longer on a limb.
The one is a “her”— the other a “him.”
Their home honors Christ. They’re now partners, who love,
honoring Christ as Lord, and their Father above.

Writing this poem took a lot of team work and stretching us outside our “comfort zones,” but there’s a moral to what God inspired us to write that reaches beyond the surface. It distinguishes the difference between love as the “world” gives (which is temporal, and given based upon certain conditions and feelings) versus the love of Christ which is forever — despite that which assaults it.

Love as the world gives may be more “spontaneous and seem more natural”. It makes “human” sense. It more or less says: “I will love you as long as ___.” “I will love you until ___.” “I will demonstrate my love to you for however long you ___. I’m in this relationship until you ___ or until I decide our love is no longer viable.” Then after that time it’s “each for their own.”

It will be that “I’ll leave you, taking whatever I can with me. Don’t hurt me or I’ll hurt you back and make you sorry you ever pledged your love to me— and sorry for the day you ever married me.” Think about it! Isn’t that a description of love as you see all around you which is love as the “world” gives?

All of those conditions make sense in our limited finite minds, but it also contributes to the mess our world and our families are in. Married love “as the world gives” is CONTRACTUAL, conditional, and is contingent upon the other spouse’s behavior.

It’s strange though, we don’t hear of very many brides and grooms who pledge to each other this type of conditional love during their wedding ceremony even if it seems to be the way they’re determined to live it out. The divorce rates of today prove that! What a false front we can put upon something as godly as marital love!

Marital love is designed to be Biblical and to be COVENANTAL. It’s designed by God to be: “for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness, and in health, until death do we part.”

Do these words sound familiar? What part of them don’t we understand when they’re said? What part of them is allowed to be the exception to the rule when we forever promise to keep them before the witness of those we’ve invited to our wedding ceremony? What part of them becomes the exception to the rule when we say our vows before God, and TO God?

What part of God’s vows to us to “never leave or forsake” us becomes the exception to the rule when He tells us of His “everlasting” love for us? (See: Joshua 1:5; Jeremiah 31: 3-4; Acts 13:32-34; Galatians 3:28-29; Hebrews 13:4-6) When God specifically told us to be promise-keepers, where’s the loophole? It tells us in the Bible: “When a man makes a vow to the Lord or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said” (Numbers 30:2). 

Read together 1 Corinthians 13 and Ephesians chapters 4and 5 which expound on what love entails. Also study together as husband and wife looking up the words: “Love,” “Covenant,” and “Marriage” in your Bible Concordance — reading each verse together, and then discussing what you learn. From these verses we’ll see that God takes the institution of marriage much more seriously than we may think. True marital love is about serving — not getting.

“Marriage is the ultimate test of our values and character. Like no other relationship, marriage can highlight our fears and our selfishness. It’s essentially a ministry. The way we respond in marriage reflects our core beliefs and our very reason for living” (Julianna Slattery).

What IS your reason for living? What is your mission in your marriage to be, from God’s perspective? Those are wonderful questions to think about. And prayerfully, your answer will be one that will bring glory to God.

It’s our prayer that together we’ll work to  make our marriages a continual witness to the world of the miracles that only God can bring about through the lives of very ordinary people. Our love is with you as we work together on this mission to honor our Lord through our marriages.

Steve and Cindy Wright

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