A week before his wedding, the groom-to-be asks his best man: “How much does a marriage license cost?” He replies, “Thirty dollars for now and all the money you make the rest of your life.”

There are people who view marriage more as an expense than an investment. They don’t realize that the output depends on the input. Unfortunately, people invest far more energy and time into their work, their properties, and leisure’s than they spend on their marriage. Yet the health of their marriage can depend on how much they’re willing to invest in the cause and the cost of loving their spouse on a daily basis.

But how can this to be done? When it comes to learning how we are to love our spouses the answer is simple. We can look to Jesus as our role model. Just continue to read the following thoughts we found written by Britto M. Berchmans at www.familyministries.org to understand this better. His insights are profoundly simple yet true. Here is a portion of what Berchmans writes:

Often our idea of love is shaped more by popular culture, social trends, Hollywood movies, and pop music than it is by the gospel. Jesus has set the standard by which we must measure our love. The norm is Jesus Himself. As John reports: “Love one another as I have loved you.” To love as Jesus loves is the challenge facing every Christian couple.

How did Jesus love? He expressed his love by the words he spoke and the gestures of affection that he shared. In every relationship, the hallmark of his love was fidelity. His life provided the definition of sacrifice. “There is no greater love than this that someone should lay down his life for his friends.” The hallmark of his love was also forgiveness. On the cross he prayed, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” His forgiveness was a pure, gratuitous gift.

Love means communication. John Powell wrote a popular book years ago entitled The Secret of Staying in Love. The author points out that the secret of staying in love is total and honest communication. Talk to couples who have been married for many years and they will tell you that nothing sustains love better than communication. As long as your lines of communication are open, your relationship will continue to deepen. Express appreciation, discuss difficult things, and share feelings. Don’t keep things bottled up. Your spouse should be your best friend.

According to a study, a two-career couple spends on average twenty minutes conversing per day. Make more time for heart-to-heart conversation.

Love means affection. What is so wonderful about falling in love? Look at it this way. The universe is cold and indifferent. When you were born, it did not take notice. When you die, it will keep going without missing a beat. In this cold and indifferent universe, suddenly there comes this individual who says to you, “You matter to me. I cannot go on without you.” Suddenly you have become significant to someone.

Affection consists in making your spouse aware of how significant they are to you. You can convey that sense by words, gestures, physical intimacy or other means. One of the best forms of affection is admiration and appreciation. John Gottman lists the following as one of the seven principles for making your marriage work: “Nurture your fondness and admiration for each other.”

Don’t take your spouse for granted. The Italian expression for “taking someone for granted” is “dare qualcuno per scontato.” It can be translated as “to give someone away on a discount.” When you take your spouse for granted, you are saying, “My spouse is on sale, 50% off!”

Love means fidelity. The sacrament of Christian marriage demands that the marriage bond be indissoluble just as Christ’s love for his bride, the Church, will never disintegrate. If you care about your marriage, make efforts to protect it. You must agree on certain principles and guidelines that will build a hedge around your marriage. See to it that no other relationship compromises your relationship with your spouse physically or emotionally.

Some people, however, view marital fidelity in minimalist terms. Fidelity is not just a matter of staying together, but growing together. Two friends of mine said at their thirtieth wedding anniversary, “We are not married to the same people.” This readiness to grow with the other person will make your marriage relationship vibrant and alive.

Love means sacrifice. In our “me-culture” of instant gratification and socially-approved, market-driven selfishness, sacrifice is hardly ever mentioned even in wedding homilies. Yet, without sacrifice, there can be no true love. Sacrifice entails giving up something legitimate for the sake of a higher good. For married couples the higher good is the health and strength of the relationship.

Love means forgiveness. Forgiveness is possible only when the spouses are committed to loving without calculating the cost. It is born of sacrifice. Forgiveness is a gift. The offender does not deserve your forgiveness. You give it because in the process you give the gift to yourself.

We find it hard to forgive because we are so proud. When we are humble, we are ready to go beyond the offense and forgive.

A few months ago I was called to the bedside of an elderly woman who had just died of cancer. Her head was shaven and her skin had a strange color. As I finished my prayers, an elderly gentleman took my hand and thanked me. Then pointing to her, he said, “She was the only one I ever loved. I met her a few days after I left the service in World War II. We have been married for over 54 years. Look at her! She is as beautiful today as she was when I saw her the first time.”

He saw the beauty that I couldn’t.

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Your marriage too can be as vibrant and as long-lasting. Make the commitment today to love as Jesus has loved us!Our prayer this week is that we all invest the time and energy it takes to live out Berchmans’ insights and LOVE AS JESUS HAS LOVED US. 

Be a blessing this week!
Steve and Cindy Wright

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