It is true that some people choose someone with the physical senses and then expect God to bless it. God will bless it because he loves if you are his child but he can only bless it so far. That means you are now walking in his permissive will and not his good and acceptable will for your life. So when you encounter problems in that marriage you cry and say God, why me? you forget that you are the one who put yourself in that mess in the first place. God wants us to be happy but for us to be happy we have to learn to obey Him so that we can walk in the fullness of His blessings.

The secret to a successful marriage therefore, is walking in line with God’s word, praying and listening to the Holy Spirit and what He tells you to do and then doing it. If God tells you not to marry someone or not to marry at all, it’s because He knows the bigger picture than you would ever know and he knows whats best for you. I think people should learn to be always in prayer and learn to yield to the Spirit if God because He alone has the answers and not lean on our own understanding. God foreknew and has predestined our lives to walk in the ways of His Son but for us to do that we have to allow Him to lead us.

God won’t force us, that’s why we were made with the power of choice. So we have to choose to walk in line with his destiny for our lives whether be it relationships or marriage or even ministry… So get down on your knees and find out for yourself, what his plans are because He will put His approval and blessings on His plans.

1. To say I don’t mind if he decides to marry me and still go ahead hurting my feelings and emotions but to what extent and will you be able to stand? What about if you get a heart attack? What about if he gets AIDS through this his illicit affair, casual, unprotected sex lifestyle (say so because he wouldn’t have had two children with two mothers) perhaps you will also die.

I am a christian and whatever type of sex, whether or not protected, once it is done before marriage, it is sin and beyond that, sex is a covenant expressed between two people. For all you may care to know, he has already entered into what I called a multiple covenant. Now compare what the Bible says about marriage covenant. It is between more than two persons?

You might have been spiritually giant to break all these covenants in order to enjoy that marriage.

2. To say that yes, I did recognize that I have fallen, yet I will not lie down because I have fallen. I will wake up because God is a forgiving God and He will forgive me. Please, the next person you will meet, if that’s the right God’s chosen one for you, will accept you and you child. I suppose that’s your worry that you can’t stop with this person.

My prayer for you is that God will give you the strength to hear His voice and His warnings so as to avoid yourself in agony in near future.

May God minister to you so that you are able to see in what situation you are in. Ask God to give you courage to move on. You don’t know what God has in store for you…..I urge you to move on; don’t look back. I feel it in my spirit, once again move on! God bless you.

I have been in a relationship for 6 years now, I have been engaged for 2 months and I have a 4 year old daughter. I acknowledge Christ and I know that I have not lived my life according to his will but everyday I am making efforts to strengthen my relationship with Christ.

My world began to tumble down about 2 months ago. I learned that my ex fiancé was cheating. I immediately forgave him and then began reading together and studying God’s word and we even attended 2 sessions of pre-martial counseling. We focused on each other and what has gone wrong between us. I was devastated but I put my faith in God in I really believed that this was my future husband and we could get pass this.

On my weak days, I continued to pray and I asked God to give me a clear sign whether my ex fiancé was the man God made for me; in about 1 week God give me my sign.

I continued to question my ex fiancé’s actions and I learned that he had not ended this relationship with the other young lady and he also had been dating another young woman for two years and she just had a 2 month old baby. He also had a few female friends that he talked to on the phone occasionally.

I was crushed….I haven’t even gotten over the first ordeal and then I was hit with this. He denies being the father of this child and a paternity test will take place soon, but as much as I am hurting I still feel like he needs me and my strength to get through this. He doesn’t deserve me and God has really strengthened me throughout this process. But I still have a lot of love for this man and I was really looking forward to day when we would become a family. I am seeking advice because my mind is fed up and tells me NO!! but my heart just wants to be there for him and tries to save us. What good is it to pray for something from God and then when he shows you something you ignore it?

I’m so confused…. my ex fiancé seems like he is really focusing on God to bring him through this situation. He has apologized to me and expressed deep remorse and sorrow. I’m just lost right now and I don’t know what to do please give me some advice and please keep me in your prayers.

In dating and marriage, each "X" does not have its own "Y." If that were the case, then we would all be doomed, because somebody’s "Y" is with the wrong "X" and the right "X" would be left to choose a wrong "Y" for himself.

The author was right in saying that one should be content in what God gives them, but that’s about the only positive remark I have on this book.

Case in point: This is an entirely unbiblical teaching: "The chief enemy you fight in choosing God’s best will be your own strong inclination to make a good choice instead of a God choice". This is also an entirely unbiblical teaching: "Before you can determine whom to marry, you must first answer an preliminary question: Does God want you to marry anyone, ever? Or is His plan for you to remain single?"

The Bible NEVER says anywhere that we must find out from God whether or not He wants us to stay single or get married, and if so, to whom. And there are no examples anywhere in the New Testament where someone sought God’s personal opinion on these questions and got answers. No generation of Christians EVER considered singleness to be a gift, or marriage for that matter.

“I wish that all men were as I am. but each man has his own gift from God, does NOT mean "God will either give to a person the gift of being married or the gift of being single". This was a mistake made by the editors of the Living Bible in the 70’s. The latter part of 1 Corinthians 7:7 (which is conspicuously absent here) reads, some of one kind, some of another. Paul was NOT referring to two specific gifts (like this, singleness and that, marriage) but rather the variety of gifts that we each may be given, and in his case, it was most likely the gift to contain himself sexually, although he doesn’t state this specifically. So in light of the gifts (ie. abilities) that we each have, we are free to CHOOSE marriage or remain unmarried, as Paul goes on to say in verses 8 & 9. Some may be gifted with enablements that might incline one to choose singleness, but that does NOT mean that that Paul considered unwanted circumstantial singleness a gift (btw- suffering is NEVER considered biblically to be a gift, only when it occurs in the context of persecution for the sake of the church).

Unfortunately, this mistranslation has resulted in a generation of Christians who have been taught to believe that since God gives you either marriage or singleness as a equal gifts, you should be equally happy to get either. And that since it’s up to God, you don’t have to take much initiative, and to do so might be sinful. As Raunikar writes:

"If and when God decides you can best serve Him as a team member with a life partner, you won’t need to change Sunday school classes, search the singles ads, or join a dating service. He will work out the circumstances. ‘He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD’ (Proverbs 18:22). This favor of the Lord is what God extends to His children in arranging the circumstances for them to meet their life partners."

Raunikar has it completely backwards in claiming that God grants you favor in arranging circumstances and then you meet your life partner, when it’s clear that the actual verse reads that you get out there and find a wife (finds what is GOOD) AND THEN the Lord grants you favor!

It is astounding that he would encourage this kind of magical thinking, which inevitably discourages Christians from becoming active agents in their search for a mate. Especially amid our current epidemic of protracted singleness and declining birthrates! Young Christian women, who currently outnumber their single male counterparts two to one, cannot afford to waste their most fertile years on this kind of hyper-spiritualized nonsense.

It’s one thing to believe in the sovereignty of God and to take everything to the Lord in prayer as the old hymn goes. But it’s quite another when you presume to get an unmistakable answer or clear path in response to every question you ask him, particularly when it comes to mate-finding, which is the most human decision you will ever make. Truth be told, Christians get married the same way as everyone else: a mix of "man (or woman) with a mission" and "how’d that happen?!".

Dr. Raunikar died a couple of years ago, leaving behind a family that most likely depends to some extent on the royalties from his book, but not at the expense of those who might read it and come away confused, disheartened, and misled. As much as he is to be admired for his lifetime of humanitarian works, this doomed experiment for Christian singles isn’t one of them. It should be tossed into a time capsule with the rest of the "gift of singleness" genre for future generations who will be relieved that their grandparents paid no attention to it.

PS. Fortunately, teachings to Christian singles are currently under reform. Better, newer books include "Getting Serious about Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness" by Debbie Maken; Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen, by Candice Watters; The Freedom to Marry, by Ellen Varughese. For more teachings that are pro-marriage and anti-GoS, see giftofsingleness.blogspot.com and Boundless.com (sponsored by Focus on the Family, Watters is a contributor)