Marriage is custom-made by God. Marriage mysteriously unites two into one. Marriage is a solemn vow of allegiance. Marriage is a vow to God and marriage is for life. These five simple truths are radically different from the standards of our 21st century culture. Americans today view marriage as an arrangement designed by us, for us, for as long as we feel it’s working. (H. Dale Burke)

Last week we shared some thoughts written by Dale Burke on the subject of “What Do You Mean When You Say ‘I do’” and said that we’d continue on the same subject this week. We’re sharing with you an abbreviated version of what Mr. Burke shared on this subject from his book, Different by Design (published by Moody Press).

For the entire message, you’d of course need to read his book. (That’s why we gave you the above information.) For now, we’d like to share with you what Dale calls “Marriage 101″ five essential components of God’s blueprint for marriage:

Lesson 1: Marriage is custom-made by our Creator for us. He did it “from the beginning,” Jesus said so in Matthew 19:4. He was saying that some things never change, and this one goes back all the way. It transcends every culture and generation on Planet Earth and in human history. From the very beginning, God designed this thing called marriage for men and women to learn to live together and meet each other’s needs.

There’s a tendency today to take God out of the picture altogether, to treat marriage as an invention of our culture. Perhaps, the rationale goes, like most great inventions, marriage as we traditionally think of it may have simply served its purpose, but it has failed to keep up with the times.

Although the forms can and should vary from generation to generation and culture to culture, the essence of marriage described by Jesus was, and is, not just a first-century Judeo-Christian tradition. It’s rooted in the core values of God the Creator and the core needs of men and women of all time. Remember, we may be different by design, but God’s master plan for marriage takes even our differences into account.

Lesson 2: In marriage God mysteriously unites two into one. Marriage is not so much something two people do, but something they become. It’s not just an act; it’s a change of your condition. Think of it this way. The physical union of a man and woman is a beautiful gift from God. Jesus was reminding us that this gift, and all of life once we’re married, is no longer about me and you. It’s about we and us. That’s a major difference. Our individual thoughts and ideas massage each other to generate our ideas.

Lesson 3: Marriage is a solemn vow of allegiance. Marriage is an unconditional covenant that you make with an imperfect person. Jesus made this clear when He said that a man is to “leave” his parents and “cleave” to his wife. Both of these words are packed with meaning. “Leave” means in Hebrew to loosen, relinquish, forsake, to leave utterly and totally. “Cleave” means to bond, glue, cling, adhere, be joined, stick, or fasten together. We’re talking about the ultimate super glue here. This is a permanent union.

The Bible often refers to this vow of allegiance as a covenant. Unlike a contract, which contains conditions that if unmet by the parties involved cause the contract to become null and void, a covenant is, by definition, unconditional.

Covenants in the Old Testament world were often sealed or secured by a sacrifice. In Genesis 15, God reaffirmed His covenant to Abraham as he struggled with the fact that he and Sarah were childless. God reassured Abraham and had him prepare a sacrifice, which was to be cut in half and laid open in two opposite pieces. Then God Himself, as a flaming torch, passed between those two pieces.

Often a covenant between two parties would be sealed by just such a sacrifice. The two parties would walk between the pieces of the sacrificed animal as a symbol of their commitment to fulfill their vows.

The message behind this ceremony was powerful. They were saying, “May this be done to us if we forsake our covenant.” The implications for our wedding vows, our covenant of marriage, are at once awesome, and even terrifying.

As we walk the aisle between our friends and family, we should turn and say to them, “If we ever show signs of breaking our vows, you let us have it!” More importantly, we then stand before God and say the same thing: “God, if I ever break these vows, You would be just to take my life.”

Lesson 4: Marriage is a vow to God as well as to one another. Listen to what one of God’s prophets to Israel wrote when God’s people were wondering why He seemed to have removed His blessing from them.

“This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.” (Malachi 2:13-14)

Some of us think that we can deal lightly with our wives and have a heavy relationship with God, but it doesn’t work that way. God wants us to make our marriages a priority and work on making them great, not just hang together with clenched teeth. This is why during a wedding I like to have couples look each other right in the eye when making their vows. This is serious business, not just legal preliminaries to the reception and honeymoon. Therefore, I’m proposing a new addition to the old tradition of exchanging vows.

After the couple has exchanged vows with each other, they should turn and look upward or bow their heads in prayer or maybe approach an empty chair (representing the real but unseen presence of God), and talk directly to their Lord as they repeat their vows to the Lord of the covenant. He is, after all, the most important Guest, the Audience to whom we will ultimately be accountable.

Lesson 5: Marriage is for life. “Let no man separate” what God has joined together, Jesus said. The problem is our hardened hearts. That’s what messes up marriages. If our hearts were soft to God, I believe any two people could make a great marriage—not just a good marriage, but a great one. It takes two soft hearts willing to listen to God, to change and be molded and obedient to His Word.

Once we grasp a divine perspective, God begins to change the way we think about marriage. In conclusion:

• THINK GOD —Keep Him in the center of your marriage. Think of God as your model, Mentor, and motivation to carry on.

• THINK TEAM —Recognizing marriage as a life long commitment makes me realize that we win or lose together. Even when I’m angry, tired, or frustrated, I remember that it’s about us, not just me. We’re in this thing together.

• THINK LONG-TERM —To do so helps me go through the seasonal ups and downs, the swings in our level of marital satisfaction.

• THINK INVESTMENT —Investing in your marriage means you realize that even small investments, small sacrifices, deposited consistently over time, produce great dividends.

• THINK COMMITMENT—and COMMUNICATE IT CONSISTENTLY.

We pray this message has been a blessing to you. Please know our hearts and prayers are with you. We pray that together within our marriages, we’ll demonstrate love for each other as Christ loves the church, poking holes in the darkness that surrounds so many marriages.

God Bless!
Steve and Cindy Wright

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