From 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:

• Love is patient

~ Are we patient with each other?
~ Do we bear with one another’s weaknesses?

• Love is kind

~ Are we treating each other with loving kindness— and grace?
~ Are we tenderhearted in our attitudes — and our actions?
~ Are we being cynical and critical?
~ Are we using cutting humor in how we relate to one another?

• It does not envy

~ Has a spirit of envy been displayed by either one of us?
~ Are we exhibiting discontentment or resentment in what we have or don’t have?

• It does not boast; it is not proud

~ Are we being boastful … arrogant …or haughty?
~ Are we displaying an attitude of being more superior or smarter than the other?

• It is not rude

~ Are we being rude … intolerant … or harsh with each other?

• It is not self-seeking

~ Are we living together in partnership— not allowing our individual wants to take precedence over our relationship as a marital team?
~ Are we giving back or only taking?

• It is not easily angered

~ Are we being too irritable—or hypersensitive?

• It keeps no record of wrongs

~ Are we being too “historical” with each other?
~ Are we keeping score of that which we shouldn’t?

• Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth

~ Are we amusing ourselves with that which would not please God?
~ Are we taking delight in that which we shouldn’t?
~ When we converse are we speaking the truth in love?

• It always protects

~ Are we protecting each other’s feelings?
~ Do we rudely embarrass or belittle each other?
~ Can it be in any way interpreted that we’re attacking each other’s character?

• Always trusts

~ Are we living lives of trustworthiness?
~ Are we putting our trust in Christ?
~ Do we believe the best of our spouse?

• Always hopes

~ Are there times when we’re being too quick to assume the worst in each other?
~ Do we have hope because of Christ?

• Always perseveres

~ Are we giving up too easily?
~ Are we persevering through problems and conflicts rather than caving into them?

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• Live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle: be patient, bearing with one another in love. (Ephesians 4:1-2)

~ Are we interacting with our spouse in the humility of the Lord?
~ Are we living lives worthy of the calling we’ve received from God in our marriage? • Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:3)

~ Are we remembering to be peacemakers—keeping in mind that it’s not as important “to be right as it is to do what’s right” for the good of our marital relationship and the Kingdom of God?

• When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I grew up, I put childish ways behind me. (1 Corinthians 13:11)

~ Are we showing maturity in how we’re treating each other—refraining from “game playing?”

• Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29)

~ Are we talking to each other in unwholesome ways?
~ Are we being dispensers of grace by building each other up?

• And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. (Ephesians 4:30-31)

~ Are we grieving the Holy Spirit of God in how we’re treating each other?
~ Have we gotten rid of all bitterness and every form of malice?

• But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking. (Ephesians 5:3-4)

~ Are we protecting our marriage sexually in what we’re viewing—not looking at sexual entertainment anywhere outside of our marriage bed?
~ Are we going the “extra mile” to honor our spouse in how we interact with those of the opposite sex—putting up protective hedges—so there’s not even a chance of anyone misunderstanding our words or our actions?

• Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord …Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:21-24)

~ Are you submitting to your husband out of reverence for Christ?

• Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, Cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word. (Ephesians 5:25-26)

~ Are you demonstrating your love for your wife by cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word of God?

• Have nothing to do with fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. (Ephesians 5:11)

~ Are we participating in anything that Christ would call “deeds of darkness”?
~ Are we exposing them as sinful and unhealthy?

• Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. (Ephesians 5:15-16)

~ Are we making the most of every opportunity?
~ Are we balanced in how we spend our time so we don’t burn out?
~ Are we seeking the Lord’s will in how we live so others are attracted to Christ?

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The above list is something Steve and Cindy Wright developed to help their own marriage keep on track with the values they want to live out in their partnership with each other. How they use it is:

• Periodically meet at a time when they can have uninterrupted time to spend with one another.
• They pray, asking the Lord to guide them in their time to help them to peaceably work through this list of questions.
• They determine who’s going to ask each question out loud and then have them read them one at a time.
• They pause after each question is read, to prayerfully consider it.
• They take turns HONESTLY answering and discussing the question that was read (honoring each other’s perspective on what they believe to be true).
• If they realize they’ve hurt their partner then they confess and ask them for forgiveness.
• When they feel satisfied that it’s time to move on to the next question they do so until they’ve gone through each one.
• Afterwards they each pray asking the Lord to forgive them for the ways they’ve offended each other.

This has been a very effective tool in helping them keep “short accounts” with ways they may have offended and hurt their spouse. It also has brought them closer together in their marital partnership.

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