My wife and I have been married for 10 years, divorced for 1 year, and remarried for 4 years —of course to each other.
You may ask, how is it the second time around? It’s absolutely marvelous, we never argue, we never say the wrong things to each other, and we are always happy. If only it were so! No, we do argue, and we do miscommunicate with each other, and we are not always happy. But that’s all part of having a successful marriage.
In our first marriage God was not a part of it. I was the most inconsiderate man that any woman could ever have been married to. I was an alcoholic and a drug addict who eventually became a gangster. My wife had to live ten years of absolute hell with me.
She, however, loved me and told me continually that the reason she stayed with me was because she believed the man that she had met 10 years before would return. My wife did not divorce me; I left her for a younger girl and divorced her.
My six year old daughter who had never been into a church found out from her teacher that she should pray for God to bring her daddy back. God answered her prayer.
I want to say that if one is having marriage problems and wants to get divorced, I don’t recommend it. I believe with God any marriage can be successful. It just depends how much you are prepared to sacrifice. My precious wife was prepared to sacrifice everything. I thank God for her.
True testimony given from a subscriber from South Africa.
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(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi, I am going through a divorce right now. My husband says he doesn’t love me any more and he found someone else. I do believe God can save my marriage as well, and your story gave me hope. Please pray for us. Thanx!!
(UNITED STATES) My wife left me nearly 3 years ago, divorced me two years ago this month. Your story has given me so much hope. Thank you. Please pray for both of us and our marriage and family.
(AUSTRALIA) I have been standing for my marriage and believing that God can heal my marriage for eleven and a half years. My husband is with someone else but that doesn’t stop me believing for God to restore our marriage. I divorced him because I gave up hope three years ago but I wish I hadn’t. I have repented and have made the decision to stand again and believe what Gods’ Word says. Watch this space for a healed marriage report soon.
(CANADA) I know of a couple that had been divorced for 15-20 years, that got back together, and they were just the sweetest pair! For some it takes a long time!
The fact that you have that faith is a good sign.. it is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen… with substance and evidence, all you need is time, and to keep keep keep on praying… pray in as much detail as you can, the Lord wants to know EXACTLY what you want, and pray with fervency!!!
(USA) Dina, Do not give up on you and your husband getting remarried. Go to Loren Matthews ministry website and read his biography. There are also ways listed to restore your marriage. Make sure you read the “hedge of thorns prayer” and starting praying this prayer everyday and ask God to return him to you.
Bless your heart Dina. I am praying WITH you and praying FOR you, that God will speak His Truth into your heart and your spirit to give you wisdom and peace, strength and guidance, as you wait upon the Lord to direct your every step both now and in the future. I am praying that God will show your husband the horrible error of his ways and that he and this woman will turn away from sinning with each other and will fully surrender their lives in repentance — living in the ways of the Lord.
Eleven and a half years seems like an eternity when you are in the waiting room of life. But I pray that the Lord will show you His will for your life daily, and will guide you as to what you should hold on to, and what you should release. I pray that you never let go of the “hope that is within you” for all that the Lord has in store for you as you look to Him for help, hope, and guidance.
I pray the Lord helps and guides you, and comforts and speaks to you, and works in and through you. I pray the Lord will show you how long you are to remain in this waiting room of life and when you are to step forward into living your life in answer to prayer in a renewed way with clarity of direction.
I don’t know what God’s will is for you in this situation with your husband. I would want for your marriage to be restored. I know that this would be God’s ultimate desire also. But human beings don’t always do things in the way that God wants (as you’ve seen in your own life). And God will sometimes allow us to live in ways that are contrary to His perfect will, even that which breaks His heart and ultimately ours as well.
I have to tell you that my first thought is that eleven and a half years seems like a long time to live in limbo like this, and to keep hoping when your husband is moving in a different direction with his life. However, I also know that we serve a God of the impossible so I would never tell you that eleven and a half years is too long to wait, or even twelve, or fifty, for that matter. God’s timetable is different than the worlds. I’ve seen the miracles that God has brought about when even one heart is yielded to His will and is praying and believing. So I will never dampen your hopes.
I trust that if God wants you to move away from this waiting room, He will direct your steps and make it known to you that this is the way He is directing. And if you are to keep waiting and believing until you see God answer prayers in a way that you believe He will, I trust that He will make that clear to you also. Just keep praying and believing that God will show you what He wants for you to do, in his timing — not yours or anyone else’s.
As Oswald Chambers said, “The only way to keep life uncrushed is to live looking to God. Ask God to keep the eyes of your spirit open to the living Christ, and it will be impossible for drudgery to dampen you.”
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ — to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)
We are asking God to “fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.” (Colossians 1:9b-10)
“May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ to whom be the glory for ever and ever.” (Hebrews 13:20-21)
“May God Himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The One who calls you is faithful and He will do it. (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24)
(SOUTH AFRICA) I am a mother of two beautiful girls. My husband left a year ago on the 24 December 2006 when I was 5 months pregnant with my second born. He went to live with my cousin whom he had been seeing for months. I still believe God will restore my marriage, because I know he is a God of second chances. Please join me in praying for the Will of God.
(USA) Dear Cindy, and Dina, As someone who has been "standing" for my marriage for 4 years now, and has just gone through a divorce, even still, I have come to the realization that there really is no timetable when you feel called to do something. While there have been times I’ve wanted to "move on" I know that to do so would be to turn my back on what God wants, which is the restoration of my marriage, and Dina’s.
Perhaps our husbands will never listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit that is telling them to go home, but that does not change what we should be doing. If someone lies to us, that does not give us the right to lie back. If someone betrays us, that does not give us the right to betray them back. And if someone divorces us, and we believe that marriage is a covenant, until death parts us, then that belief does not change because of someone else’s actions.
We don’t have to feel like we are in a "waiting room" or in "limbo." We can learn to live full lives, serving God wholeheartedly, without reservation, and learning to be the Christian woman that perhaps we weren’t during our marriages (I know that I still have much changing to do). We can continue to pray for the restoration of our marriages, and hold onto that hope, even as we get busy with the work of the Lord. I guess I don’t call that living in limbo, I call that faith.
(USA) I totally agree with you Sue. You need to seek God’s will and live in confidence that He will help you to stand strong as you are living in the center of His plan for you.
There are times when we ARE in a “waiting room” time of our life, but as you said, we don’t have to live that way. Life does not stop in that waiting room. There is still ministry that needs to go on, and especially, we have a God to love and worship, and trust by faith.
As long as you have breath, you are to live life in the fullness that God has planned for you. You keep your eyes upon the goal that is set before you, but you don’t neglect all that is around you to be and do in the meantime.
(UNITED STATES) Please pray for the restoration of my marriage and family. My husband left us to run off with a married woman he met at work……they lived together for 10 months and of course, it didn’t work out for them. She left him on our next wedding anniversary! Not only that, she, after divorcing her husband to be with mine, started to date him again and remarried her ex husband one year to the day of the their divorce!!!
My husband continued to speak divorce and nothing, it seemed that I said or did changed his mind. I decided that I would hand the entire situation over the God. The divorce did take place but I am committed to stand for the restoration of this marriage and our family as long as it takes. Slowly, I have seen a progressive change in my husband as he has gone from claiming justice in seeking divorce (adultery is never justified) to now realizing what a terrible mistake he made. He told our 13 yr old son in a conversation just 2 days ago that he is working on becoming a better person and how sorry he is every day that he left. He told our son he wants ‘me’ to see he is becoming a better person……this is heavenly progress I tell you!!!!
I give all the glory to God to hear this!! I pray for my husband everyday and I’ve told him that. I KNOW God wants my family to reconcile and us to be remarried legally….I say legally only because I know that in God’s eyes we are still married anyway.
(UNITED STATES) My husband and I were married for 9 years. The first 6 were great, we loved each other very much. We started to have problems, drugs and alcohol were involved. A year ago, he decided he wanted to leave the marriage, he wanted a divorce, started running around with other women while I stayed committed to our marriage. The final divorce date has been set and in two weeks it will be legally final.
I want to keep my married name because I feel like the vows I took with this man are still valid and binding. I don’t want to divorce but I don’t have a choice in the matter. I want my marriage restored. I still love him very much and it breaks my heart that this is happening. But, after reading some of these posts I really feel like keeping my married name is the right thing to do. I will hold on to hope and God that one day, my marriage will be restored again.
I was going to go back to my maiden name but decided not to do it as I felt doing so would somehow make the marriage less real if that makes any sense. I know he doesn’t understand why I am keeping his name but I feel like I didn’t want the divorce in the first place and I believe in the vows until death do us part.
(USA) Hi Gina, I’m sorry to hear of your struggles.
The one thing I would suggest (if you haven’t done this already) is to read I Corinthians 7 – it has all the "rules" for marriage and divorce. It’s pretty clear. I have no idea of your situation in terms of whether or not your husband is a Christian. Obviously you are. The Bible does say if an "unbeliever" leaves, let them leave. But that gets kind of tricky in terms of what is a true believer verses unbeliever. There are a lot of "believers" out there who aren’t really trying to live for God. They are living, "believing" in God but living for themselves before God (i.e., they live for their flesh instead of dying to the flesh and letting God lead their lives).
So…..that’s why I say it’s tricky to define that. It’s really something that only the Holy Spirit can guide you on. Only God knows who His true believers and unbelievers are (at least that’s how I look at it). Much prayer and listening to the Holy Spirit is required on your part in this matter. I do believe there is a time to let go, and it’s biblically based, but I can’t tell you when that would be or if it would ever be, in your case. That’s something that can only come from God to you, not any other person.
I do highly recommend a book I read recently – I post this book recommendation on this website all the time because it seems to fit so many marriage dilemmas lately. It’s call "Love Must be Tough" by James Dobson (head of Focus on the Family).
I got it at my library but you can purchase it, too. I’d highly recommend it for someone in your situation right now. I’ll keep you in my prayers. God bless.
(KENYA) Hullo, I’m not yet married but I got your contact through my Dad who has been printing your articles. He’s a bit different as a husband, he is more affectionate with my mum and does little things like buy her shoes when money was tight in the family. He’s even more helpful as a father to us. Thank you for all your hard work in putting these materials together, please keep up.
(USA) Well, I am older-my husband & I married when he was 63 and I was 56 (2nd marriage for me; 3rd for him). It was a whirlwind courtship and were married after only 8 months after meeting. Church wedding –all guests were from my church or the church I worked at. His one daughter came, but I didn’t have the opportunity to talk with her or his son before the wedding.
Anyway, it became very apparent not long after the wedding that he was an alcoholic. Things got worse and worse till he went into detox and then a nursing home. He came to the marriage with no property, we lived in my house and I owned the car, although he did help with car repairs –not household bills. Anyway, I divorced him as soon as I could after he went into detox, hoping to never see him again. But since he had no one, I continued to help him and much to my surprise he was able to move into his own apt. and seemed much better.
I have felt extremely guilty about the divorce –I was single for many years and vowed to never marry again, but when I did I was planning to stay married till death do us part. But I couldn’t handle the alcohol, the screaming and ranting at me at all hours, the cursing of my church and my family. He did stay sober for 5 months and then last month slipped off the wagon. He is sober again now, and I am wondering if I should continue to try to restore the marriage or what.
I don’t sleep well because I worry about him, and I can’t help but worry that I have let God down. Has anyone been in this situation? My grown children really do not like him – he was very rude to them and my grandchildren when he was drinking and I know they think he is not good for or to me. But when he’s himself, he’s quite nice. What should I do? Can God restore this marriage and my relationship with my grown kids and grand kids?
I don’t know what to do. –Pat
(USA) I am amazed at the strength of the words I have read here today. I found myself in tears this morning, frantically searching the internet for some glimpse of hope that I wasn’t crazy in hoping that even though my husband pushed our divorce through, that there is still hope for us to be married! We were married for almost 6 years and have a beautiful 18 month old. I have been so temperamental and mean-natured to my husband through the last year of our separation because I was so hurt over his emotional affair(s) and his desire to leave.
His mother harbored him in her home and never encouraged him to come back. I have done the begging and pleading and the million unsuccessful ways I thought might encourage or coerce him into coming home. Then I very recently came to a very hard realization- improving myself first. I am trying to embrace my own spirituality and improve myself with the help of God and the Savior.
I love my husband, even through the pain and anger, but I have changes for the better to be made! One never knows what will happen, and sometimes we don’t see God’s hand in our lives when they are turned upside down- or his purpose rather- and it’s so frustrating. But I feel as a 29 year old woman, that I made an eternal commitment and I feel like with God, there is always hope! I believe in marriage, and I believe in the for better or worse, not just the BETTER. But always hoping for the best!
I commend all of you in your strength and wanted to say thank you for sharing your experiences. I have been uplifted by them.
(USA) Married for 10 years with an adopted son. Divorced for 5 years and after 100 false claims of child abuse, finally a decree that the court and CPS admit there is no finding of child abuse. The last 6 months eharmony gave me a girlfriend and we remain chaste. I told her I was standing for my marriage even after divorce. Her question was how could I still love her after what she did to me and my son? I told her it was religious.
The new girlfriend has committed to me and I continue to tell her that I cannot commit until after my son is 18. The truth is that I am using that as an excuse. My vows are a covenant and I can only be ideally released by death or adultery. Pray for me as I find what Sue has described and help me to find a way to communicate my "standing" to this or any other girl.
(USA/CALIFORNIA) I have been divorced for one year and separated for one year prior to that. My wife asked me to leave the house so I did. I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit. I have attended church for 12 years and did not have a personal relationship with Jesus until my wife announced the divorce. I am a stander for my marriage also, with my two lovely daughters that pray for their mom daily.
Please do not look at your situation as if you are in the waiting room. I look at my situation as a time to grow closer and closer everyday to Jesus Christ our Savior. I am sure when the Lord sees it fit and we are both ready, I have no doubt that he will bring us back together. Matthew 19:26, Luke 18:1 are what I stand for daily.
Blessings, Laurence
(USA) I’m still struggling with my divorce after 35 years of marriage. My husband left 2 1/2 yrs. ago and the divorce was final about a year later. He’s now in a relationship with a coworker and they’re together pretty much 24/7. Thing is, he believes he is a Christian and that God has led him every step of the way, from leaving me to ending up with her. For as he tells everyone, he’s so happy, happy, happy, so is she, and how miserable he was with me. And he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks regarding his relationship with her. There are very few who approve.
He’s been so deceitful, which was never something I ever saw in him, plus he’s even drinking more. He hardly ever took a drink, yet he thinks he’s where God wants him to be. I don’t see it that way. I’m standing for our marriage to be restored, for I still feel as he did once, that God brought us together. That will never change. I know I need to forgive them both, but it’s so difficult, for I still feel such pain and hatred in my heart against her. Is it wrong to pray for God to sour that relationship?
(ZIMBABWE) My husband left me 3years ago. He stole our beautiful daughter from me 3 months ago. Please pray with me for the restoration of my family. I believe God will restore this family in Jesus name. Rothrine
(USA) Help! I divorced my husband of 26 years after I could not take the verbal abuse. It was so bad that now my grown children have issues with verbally abusing their spouses. Well, we have been divorced for 21 months… and we have both changed.
I am more assertive and he is less abusive. We have both gone to counseling… individually I asked to reconcile our marriage about 6 months ago and he agreed! I was so happy. But, then he tells me that he is seeing another woman, however. They are intimate. Well, he’s still seeing her even though he and I have had some great times together during the past 6 months.
I know it takes both parties to reconcile. I am just praying that this is God’s will for my life I know He hates divorce, and I was detached from my faith when I filed for divorce. He is still seeing her, but says they are not intimate. We have been to counseling together… however, the person was not a Christian counselor. It makes a BIG difference. He has stopped going… and says that he needs to make a decision.
He feels this other person is innocent and does not deserve to be hurt. He also says that I don’t deserve to be hurt either… since he agreed to try to reconcile. I try to stay positive, prayerful, and hopeful. We spend almost every weekend together, but I know they talk via phone everyday. She lives a few hours away and I live in a different city.
Right now, I am focusing hard on God and what He would have me to do. I still consider him as my husband, and I have offered to just "go away" and let him have the relationship with her. Yet, he tells me to "see it through" or "this too shall pass". He says he wants to be with me, but he does not know how to get out of this other relationship. I guess he is prideful and does not want to lose face with her (an old g/f from college).
I am praying for his strength daily… any suggestions? All three of us are Christians. Again, I was very hurt and detached when I divorced him… I know now that I should have stayed and not left. To Him goes the glory, Janel
(UNITED STATES) Well, my husband gave me a divorce & he was cheating on me. I didn’t want a divorce but I know that is what I needed to do, was to let him go and let God do what he has to do in me. He moved in with another woman and they bought a house. He still calls me, checking on me saying that he is just checking on me. I don’t get that at all. I still love him but I just can’t have him thinking that he can do what he wants to do.
(USA) I divorced my husband for physical abuse, although there were numerous occasions of adultery on his part. However, I did not divorce him for that. We had been together for 6 years before being married, I divorced him after being married for 3 years. We have a son together, I had a daughter when I met him, not his child.
I had an affair that he found out about by a letter he found. He flew into a rage even though after all his numerous affairs, all I did was cry and feel hurt when I found out. He destroyed all my clothes, shoes, purses, everything except the clothing I was wearing. He beat me in front of the kids and took an axe and smashed all the furniture except the kids bedrooms. I called the police and took the kids and went to stay at my moms. He came overnight and took my car and burned it near my mom’s house. I filed domestic violence charges and he was sentenced to 10 days in jail.
I divorced him within 4 months of all this. I stayed at my mom’s for about a year. I convinced him to move out of our house after a year, so that I and the kids could move back. He moved in with one of his girlfriends. I stopped seeing the man I had the affair with after I moved back to my house after I realized that he was not looking for anything other than an affair. I started to pray about the mess I was in and asked for God’s guidance. My ex-husband, about that time, started to come over and finally convinced me that he wanted his family back. I took him back, however we did not get remarried.
I tried with all my might to be good to him that time. I then found out that for medical reasons that I could not have any more children. I had surgery but it did not help restore my ability to have children. His mother was still angry at me that he had done 10 days in jail because of domestic violence and she would call and tell him to meet her at her hairdressers often. He had met this hairdresser during our separation and his mother liked her and was helping to get them back together. I found out she was pregnant. He did not tell me, my daughter heard it and told me. I was so crushed and broken hearted.
I kept praying even though it hurt horribly. She had a miscarriage and the same day she left the hospital he came home crying and said it must have happened because of how he treated me.
He seemed to try after that for about a month. His mother called one Saturday and I listened on the phone to hear her say the woman was in the hospital and had taken pills to commit suicide and that he should come to the hospital. He went. After that he started seeing her again and she got pregnant again. He brought the baby over when he was about 1 year old. I was not angry at the baby, it was not his fault.
I then found out that the woman was pregnant again. He started staying over at her house for 3 to 4 days at a time and still would not move out even when I asked him to leave. He said he did not want to leave me and he had responsibilities for his other kids also. I was still praying and going to church to keep sane and to keep from doing something to him that would land me in jail.
Needless to say he did not leave our house until I pretended to call the police on him. He got scared and moved all his clothes. He got married to her. They have two boys who are now 13 and 15. I went to lunch with him a few weeks ago. He is not happy with her but says it is cheaper to keep her. I have a son with him who is now 26 years old.
I try to believe that God has a plan for all of his children’s lives but I still do not understand how we women can be so forgiving of those who continually mistreat us. I know I had a part in the breakup but maybe it was not God’s will for us. To all those who are praying for their ex-spouses to return, it may be like a dog returning to his own vomit. (That’s in the Bible I think). I wish you all the best and God bless.
(US) I think that if God really honors marriage then couples would stay together. It has become very hard for me to accept what God has allowed and I am very bitter and upset with him and my ex-wife. Now I feel that I am alone and whatever I do will be because of me and not God. How could he have allowed this after knowing that this would have this type of effect on me (his child)? I do not feel that I am his.
(USA) Eddie, I was mad at God for a while, but now I am not. I believe he gives us free will. I can choose to be evil or good. I choose to try to be good. Because God did not force my 1st husband to come back to me and leave his girlfriend, I don’t think it is God’s fault anymore. I think God prompts the heart to change, but we have the freedom to make the decision on what we will do in these cases.
My first husband at times would feel the promptings of God and cry and talk and apologize but always went back to doing what ever he wanted eventually. Therefore, I saw God trying to get his attention but he did not choose to listen. He may still be trying to get his attention even years later, as God is more patient than we are. I gave up waiting for God to fix things so I moved on. Some people have more patience that I have. I don’t wait well. Which can be a problem also, as I went right into another marriage. Not a good idea as I still had unresolved baggage left from the first marriage.
This is my 2nd marriage, I am married to a man who sounds like the husband Patricia (posted Jan. 5, 2009) described except we are still in the same house and are not divorced. He gets drunk and verbally has abused me, been drunk and rude to my mom and siblings. He got drunk and hit me in the head a few years back and I have 12 stitches in my scalp to show for it. I feel bad that he is addicted but I feel worse for me that I am still living here in this mess as he is not on a road to recovery that I can see. He has pancreas problems due to alcohol, the Drs have told him that it could be fatal unless he stops. I don’t think he believes them as it has not even slowed down his drinking. We sleep in separate rooms as his room is a stinking pig sty. He chain smokes and does not care. I pay my sister to clean his room and bathroom as I can’t stomach it. He is on disability and uses his check to smoke and drink and act like the devil.
I have not divorced him yet, however I think about it usually a few times a day I had a counselor say that to marry someone with the temperament, actions and problems in your husband, what were you running from? In being honest, I was running from being alone and feeling unwanted after my first marriage ended in divorce and my husband remarried someone else. I had to be desperate to marry an alcoholic after growing up in a home with an alcoholic father. I always said there was no way I would put up with an alcoholic husband like my mom did, but look at me now. After the breakup and hurt of my first divorce for infidelity on both our parts, I apparently married the 2nd husband as a rebound, we only knew each other for about 3 months before getting married.
We met at church through my Pastor at the time who introduced us. This same Pastor married us. Needless to say instead of things getting better after I married him they got worse. He hid the constant drinking for a while, however slowly his true self showed up. I was an idiot, who broke my own code regarding alcoholics because I sort of felt, as the Pastor approved of him, I thought there was some kind of Godly leading for us (WRONG).
My mother and my daughter were against the marriage as they said I did not know him well enough and they proved to be right. The Pastor’s prophecy proved wrong. I learned I need to listen for the peace of God to rule before making major decisions. Did it take all that to help me to come to this point? I guess so. If I ever find myself alone again, I will get a dog if I am lonely, maybe two.
I can’t tell anyone else what to do, however I can tell myself that I do not believe God wants his children to suffer at the hands of unruly and ungodly spouses that have no consideration for God or what is right or for us and our feelings and the way they treat people so poorly continually with no remorse, change or repentance. I believe God wants better for us. I believe that I don’t always clearly know what to do, but I do have a good idea now of what not to do. Feeling sorry for someone is no reason to be married to a devil no matter how much you may want to help them. My sanity and peace of mind is more important. I will help them from afar and bless them as they go on their way.
Did it take all this to learn this? For me I guess so. However, I feel I have gained wisdom on making better choices. The Bible says don’t even eat with a drunkard. Therefore I sure as heck don’t see God wanting me to be married and living with one. Some people take their whole lives to straighten up and repent and really accept God into their heart and act differently, some wait until their death bed, some never turn around. But God gives us free will. We can choose to accept him or reject him. It is our free will choice.
I hope everyone going through the torment in these emails continues to pray about your situations and let the peace of God rule in your decisions as I want you to be happy, peaceful and content. Life is difficult enough without having relationships that cause us grief. Golden rule… Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. If you were a mean, hateful alcoholic, rude, evil, insensitive jerk, would you expect anyone to want to be around you? Of course not. So why should one value oneself so little that we allow ourselves to be treated so badly?
I have started praying for God to help me to have the strength to walk away at his leading and stay away from anyone that does not treat me as I treat others and want to be treated and believes God is pleased with their treatment of me as his child. Much love and God’s blessings and guidance to us all.
(BAHAMAS) I am now a 50 yr old woman, have the strength and looks of a 35 yr old woman. I got married at the age of 18 years old. I really didn’t get married for love. At that time it was in the best interest of my family that an 18 year woman be married. So when my husband came along I got married just to have a good name and a family. I now realize that I do not love him and have asked God daily to rid me of this marriage.
My husband acted cool for a while but right after the marriage he started to drink and started to be with other women. He has a thirty two year daughter the same age as our second son and I only knew of this when she was twenty six years of age. Also my husband calls me bad names all of the time, names like hoar and no good, especially when he’s drunk. He slows down now, but I don’t love him and wish to get out of this marriage.
(KENYA) Thanks for the wonderful messages that are being shared. I am 28 years old and married for 5 years. All through I have seen the hand of God in my marriage and pray that God will continue sustaining my marriage till death do us part.
I just want to encourage Eddie that God is always faithful and works towards the good of our life. Never Give Up in trusting HIM as He sees and knows what u are going through. Be patient, continue seeking Him and he will lift you up. Trust in Him as Job in the Bible did, and He will reward you abundantly. Remember God is never too late nor too early; He is always on time to all those who believe and trust in Him. Be Blessed. Mildred
(USA) My wife and I are going through a divorce that I don’t want but filed because she has been in an affair for over a year now. I think I have to go through with it because she has shown no signs of repentance. She says she never was saved although she made a profession of faith at 12. We have four children from 17 to 10. She is forty and struggles with age gaps. I want her back but only if she is saved. She says she is not coming back. I believe God still works miracles and expect to remarry her this fall. All of you keep praying that God would save her and then restore our marriage. I just don’t believe God wants this to end.
Should I go through with the divorce regardless of whether she get saved before the divorce is finished in July?
(USA) Sincerely seek an answer from God, not the opinion of man. My advice is to continually forgive and love and intercede for your wife– and let God work on her heart, soul, and spirit. God is a God of restoration and reconciliation. Read the book of Hosea.
(USA) HELLO TO ALL, MY EX LEFT 3 YEARS AGO IN NOVEMBER, OUR DIVORCE WAS A YEAR AGO TOMORROW. I NEVER THOUGHT I’D BE HERE. WE HAD SOME TROUBLE, BUT SO DOES EVERY MARRIED COUPLE. THREE YEARS AGO I WAS TOLD BY A STRANGER ON THE PHONE HE WAS CHEATING. I DID NOT WANT TO LOSE HIM I THOUGHT MAYBE WE NEEDED TIME BUT I TOLD HIM HE DID NOT HAVE TO LEAVE. HE HAD BACK-SLIDDEN ON GOD AND WAS WEAK IN HIS WALK WITH GOD. HE CHOSE TO STAY GONE.
WE STAY IN TOUCH BECAUSE OF THE KIDS, BUT NOW AFTER 3 YEARS ALMOST IT SEEMS GOD IS SHOWING ME THAT MY PRAYERS ARE WORKING. I DON’T KNOW EVERYONE’S BELIEFS THAT READ THESE STORIES, BUT I BELIEVE GOD SPEAKS THROUGH PEOPLE WITH WORDS OF KNOWLEDGE. THIS MEANS THAT GOD USES THEM TO SPEAK TO OTHERS ABOUT THINGS THEY HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE OF.
DURING THE FIRST YEAR ESPECIALLY, GOD GAVE ME MANY WORDS CONCERNING MY MARRIAGE. I STOOD AND STILL STAND ON THOSE WORDS AND NOW I BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE SOON TO COME TO PASS. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT GOD IS DRAWING MY EX-HUSBAND BACK TO HIMSELF. I BELIEVE THAT SOON AND VERY SOON I WILL SEE HIM COME THROUGH THE DOORS OF MY CHURCH TO RENEW HIS WALK WITH GOD AND EVENTUALLY HIS MARRIAGE TO ME. GOD IS SO GOOD. HE IS FAITHFUL WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS. HE WILL NEVER FAIL YOU.
PEOPLE WILL FAIL YOU. SOMETIMES EVEN PEOPLE WHO LOVE GOD WILL FAIL YOU. WE ARE HUMAN AND ARE NOT PERFECT. WE CAN ONLY STRIVE TO BE ALL THAT GOD HAS CREATED US TO BE.
PLEASE EDDIE, FROM MARCH 18TH, DON’T BLAME GOD, HE WOULD NEVER HURT YOU. WHEN YOU HURT HE HURTS. HE GAVE HIS ONLY SON FOR YOU TO HAVE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. STAND ON GOD’S WORD. LET IT BE YOUR FOUNDATION. KEEP YOUR EYES ON HIM AT ALL TIMES SO YOU’RE NOT DISTRACTED BY THE STORMS OF LIFE. I PRAY THAT GOD RENEWS YOU AND THAT HE SENDS YOU SOMEONE TO GIVE YOU STRENGTH AND ENCOURAGEMENT, A MENTOR OR A FRIEND WHO WILL HELP YOU THROUGH THE WORD OF GOD. I PRAY YOU HAVE A GOOD, LOVING CHURCH TO STAND BEHIND YOU AND HOLD YOU UP IN GOD.
WE MUST ALL REALIZE THE DEVIL IS TRYING TO DESTROY THE MARRIAGES OF ALL GOOD PEOPLE. HE KNOWS HOW STRONG A UNIFIED, GODLY COUPLE CAN BE. GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND I HOPE THAT VERY SOON I CAN POST THE RENEWAL OF MY MARRIAGE TO THE HUSBAND OF MY YOUTH.
(UNITED KINGDOM) I did like reading all the comments. My situation is I am divorced but I am a Catholic and in the Catholic church so I am still married. I am pleased about that and would like to get back with my husband, but he is with another woman so I just have to wait.
(USA) Mike said, “Should I go through with the divorce regardless of whether she gets saved before the divorce is finished in July?” No, keep praying!
Marriage = A Covenant Between One Man And One Woman… Until Death. See: http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html and http://www.marriagedivorce.com/mdreform2.htm.
(USA) Mike, I’m living this entire hell in each pore of my body. Divorce is not the solution. If you still love her you can go through this experience better by going to counseling and respecting her all the way. I hope I have the opportunity to save my love life and smile again. My kids, my entire family is in pain for this lost. Good luck and God bless your decisions.
(SOUTH AFRICA) HI THERE MIKE, SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I’M GOING THROUGH A SITUATION LIKE YOURSELF. ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT HE DOESN’T LOVE ME ANY MORE. I ADORE THE MAN. IT STARTED 14 MONTHS AGO. I WENT OVERSEAS TO ENGLAND FOR THE BIRTH OF MY GRAND SON FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE. HE STARTED A PHONE CALL RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN THAT WENT INTO OTHER THINGS AS WELL.
IN THAT TIME WE MOVED ONTO A GAME FARM AND LIVE IN A TENT FOR A NO OF MONTHS AND MY CHILDREN HAD LEFT HOME AS WELL. QUITE A FEW THINGS WENT WRONG. IN THIS PROCESS HIS LONG TERM FRIEND WAS IN DIRE STRAIGHTS AND HAD NOWHERE TO GO SO SHE WAS INVITED TO THE FARM AS WELL. SHE HAS THREE CHILDREN FROM OTHER MEN. THE WARNING SIGNS WHERE THERE AND I DID THINK FOR ONE MOMENT THAT SHE WOULD BETRAY ME AND TAKE MY HUBBY FROM ME.
HE HAS MOVED OUT AND SAID HE HAS NO FEELINGS LEFT FOR ME. I REALLY WANT TO STAND ON THE WORD OF GOD THAT HE COMES TO HIS SENSES AND REALIZES THAT THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN SLEEPING AROUND WITH OTHER WOMAN. THERE ARE TOO MANY THINGS TO SAY AND I DO NOT WANT TO GO INTO THAT. FORGIVE, FORGIVEN, AND TRYING TO FORGET.
I LOVE THE LORD VERY MUCH. GOD IS MY TOP POINT OF MY LIFE AND I WANT TO DO HIS WILL IN THIS SITUATION. TIME WILL HEAL ALL THINGS. I’M NOT GOING TO ANY LAWYERS HE WILL HAVE TO DO THAT. MY CHILDREN WHERE BOUGHT UP BY HIM AND LET ME LET YOU KNOW THEY ARE HURTING LIKE ANYTHING. MAY THE LORD RESTORE YOU AND BLESS YOU UNTIL YOUR CUP RUNS OVER. GOD BLESS.
(USA) All of these stories are such an inspiration. It’s amazing how many people share the same pain I am going through. My wife left about a year ago and our divorce is almost final. I am 33 and married to her for almost 10 years. We actually met when we were only 7. We have 3 amazing kids together and I love this girl more than life itself. She has been dating a guy that is 28 with no kids and has never been married. She had told me that she didn’t leave me for him, that our problems occurred before he was in the picture. And she’s right they were.
But now that I have been through counseling myself, I see what I was doing was wrong. I took the most precious thing in my life and didn’t treat her like a friend and a wife. Don’t get me wrong, she had her issues too, but that is a thing of the past. I want to forgive and forget. And now that I know she is with this other guy, it is difficult for me to let go.
After a year of being with him, she still hasn’t introduced the kids to him. I can see why he doesn’t mind the children; he doesn’t have to deal with them! I am a spiritual person and my wife is too, but we let our life slip away from God way too much. And truthfully, this was probably a good wake up call for the both of us. But, I am now ready and mature enough to want this relationship to work. I miss her very much and also want to start seeing my kids everyday again.
Every time I see my wife, I just want to hold her and tell her I love her. If only it was that easy. One thing is for sure, I will not let the court or a piece of paper telling me that I am getting divorced, stop me. And it is because of my faith in God that He will see this through. And it will be done on His timing, I can’t force the issue.
I know many people out there are sharing my pain as well. And all I can say is put your faith in God in everything you do and watch how He will perform miracles in your life. Just be patient and don’t lose faith!
(USA) I as well was married for a very long time, 15 and half years. My husband called me the day after my birthday on my lunch break from work to tell me he did not think we were working out. He said he needed time to find himself and time to become the person he needed to be.
Well I totally lost it, did not know what to do was a basket case. I found out later that same evening he was with his girlfriend. How crushing. I did not know what to do, what to say or how to manage. We have 2 sons together and I could not even tell them where there Daddy was.
So to make a long story short, I filed for divorce –BIGGEST MISTAKE of my life. Our divorce was final on the day we first started dating when we were just teenagers. I prayed EVERYDAY that he would figure out what it was he was looking for and either let me go or make things right with us. The entire time him and I were separated we continued to see one another as much as possible, only his girlfriend who he was now living with did not know.
But I came to a point where I could not be the one on the side and I told the girlfriend about mine and his relationship that we had continued to have since day one of the split up. Well she dumped him, so he moved in with mutual friends of ours and lived with them for 2 months and during that 2 months we started working on our relationship.
Now after 6 months of being apart and a divorce we are 100% back together. We have talked about remarriage, but I want to make sure he is not going to stray and I am really what he wants. So I continue to live on pins and needles and I pray non stop and only want what is best for me and my family.
(USA) It has been a year since I first visited this post, and there are so many stories of pain… and hope. I’m still “standing” and even though the earthly circumstances have not changed, I’m still full of hope for a restored marriage in God’s timing and God’s way. I don’t really feel like I’m in a “waiting room,” but that I’m in a chapter of life that is really going quite well! I’m busy with my job and my church, and just returned from a missions trip.
What does break my heart about many of these posts is the level of information that is shared about spouses. I feel like we should focus on our own sin and leave that of our spouses at the foot of the cross. During these past “chapters” I’ve really been convicted of my ability to gossip, so I hope you’ll take this suggestion in the light of someone who has learned the hard way. It also hurts to read about those who want to divorce or get out of their marriages. Divorce is just another sinful response to sin, and evidence of a hardened heart.
Michael (Feb. 15, 2009), I’ve chosen to wear a band on my wedding ring hand, and not to date, so that is helping me to stay committed to my covenant marriage vows. I do understand the temptation and sometimes I’m lonely too, but God is showing me that He is truly enough. Blessings.
(USA) What an awesome story (the original one)! I’m hoping that this marriage was a covenant marriage (original marriage partners). It is sad to read all the following stories though. So many broken marriages. For those who encourage others to “move on”, please read God’s Word because if they are moving on from the marriages GOD joined as ONE flesh, you are encouraging them to commit adultery. We need to be very careful of doing such.
For those who are committed to wait on the Lord– no matter how long it takes, know you are in the Lord’s Will, walking in a pleasing manner before Him. In the end, brother/sister, you will NOT regret doing things the Lord’s way, including loving His way, instead of following the ways of this world. Many blessings… http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html
(USA) We have been together for 5 1/2 years and married for almost 4 years. We do not have children together but children from our previous marriages. My husband is very jealous and possessive. He checks all my stuff looking for evidence all the time. The reason why he does this is because since we met I keep telling him that he is not handsome enough, or good enough and that I married him to get my green card. I do NOT mean those words, I love him very much.
All this time I have been pushing him away somehow and restricting sex. He suffers in loneliness and his anger towards me grows more and more. He has become obsess and more jealous. We argue all the time and hurt each other with bad words. We always ended up making love and promising each other to change. Our sex is beyond perfection but so little because I always refuse for no reason.
Four months ago the situation became worse and I asked him to sign a Separation Agreement. I asked him to leave and to find a woman. (I have been telling him that for a long time now.) He has tried to get us a matrimonial room but I have refused and forced him to have his own bedroom and I have my own where I sleep with my kids.
At the end of April/09 I stopped talking to him totally not even hi or anything. He was still checking my stuff because he thought for sure this time I had a man
I did not, never even in my imagination.
He met a woman and became involved with her he brought her to our apartment and had sex with her in his bedroom. He left a used condom and a huge picture of the woman in his bed, the lights on and the door open so I could see it. I was devastated. I wanted to die when I saw that. I always checked his bedroom for evidence too and this time I found the worst. He told me later that it was the only way he found to get my attention back. He said he was trying to forget about me and forcing himself to fall for this woman but she ripped him off and took tons of money for two times of sex and that after that day (last Jul/8) they broke up.
He has asked for forgiveness and promised me to do anything I ask him to. He has also blamed me for treating him this way for so many years. He said they had sex twice and that she was not interested in him but his money. I am confused. I know I have serious issues myself and I know he does too. We made love last night like two lovers who will not see each other ever again. Yet I went to the lawyer last week and filed for divorce. He told me that if divorcing him is what it take to win me back he will agree to anything I want. I DO love him but I will never trust him because of this. Also every time we have problems due to my telling him that I want him out of our apartment and that I will divorce him. I do not trust him but I think we love each other very much.
I called that woman last night in front of him and she said she does not know who he is. I wanted him to talk to her and tell her that he loves me but he told me it was not necessary because he broke up and told her that he is going for his wife.
Should I leave him? I think we shall never be happy.. he is jealous and I have so much anger inside. He always blamed me of cheating and then asks for forgiveness. He hates my ex-husband and feel I can go back to him. We are suffering and are hurting each other. We have lost control and love our sex together. Our children are suffering … he does not want to move out but I told him he must after this. Our life is a mess.
I wish I could start fresh like he always said but I know how I am … we destroyed our marriage right? I know.
(USA) Wendy, Are you kidding me? Let me see if I understand the facts:
1. You’ve criticized him and told him that you only married him to get your green card. Regardless of what you MEAN, you actually told him these words.
2. You pushed him away and refused sex with him. (Yet he is supposed to believe you loved him as you stated in the first part of your post.)
3. You pressured him to sign a separation agreement.
4. You asked him to leave and find a woman.
5. You stopped talking to him all together.
Now you ask us if you should divorce him? You talk about his asking for forgiveness, what about you? You’ve done some very hurtful things to him, but I don’t see where you are really remorseful. You make love to him and then the next day file for divorce.
If you decide to go forward with your divorce, make sure you don’t deprive him of the children. From what you’ve written, you are a very self absorbed person, focused primarily on your happiness, with little or no expressed concern for your husband, or remorse let alone ownership of your behavior.
You’ve abused your husband with what you’ve done. He finally responded to your abuse with his abuse of cheating. He’s stopped cheating. When will you stop your abuse? When will you stop your selfish behavior?
He did exactly what you wanted him to do, and now you want to say WE destroyed our marriage? In this case, I’m saying you did about 99% of the destruction.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, withdraw your divorce petition, or even better, file a divorce saying YOU are abusive, and that you want to give custody of your children to him. If he doesn’t want that, then let him fight against that in court.
But by no means should you try to take any assets or be the primary custodian of the children based on what you’ve said you’ve done in this marriage.
(CANADA) We are separated for a year now… it was not a pretty split up. Believe me, jail is not my kind of place.
My wife is expecting me to change… and I can’t… I have tried for 35 years to be somebody other than who I am, and it just has not ever worked.
I have prayed for hours at a time… sought counselling… even several exorcists!!! Read the Bible, looked for answers in all the nooks and crannies… et,c etc. It just does not work, and every time I do try, the Lord seems to be saying that if He changed me, I would not have to rely daily on His AMAZING and wonderful Grace…
But in the mean time, my wife expects me to change, and I just am who I am… just can’t do it… so what do I do now? Craig
(UNITED STATES) My wife left me nearly 2 1/2 years ago, divorced me almost two years ago. I still love her so much and want her by me after reading your story. I pray every day and night that God will bring us back together. We are not in communication so please keep us in prayer. God Bless you and keep you.
(USA) ASKING FOR PRAYER. Will you please ask God to restore our 28 year marriage? We are divorced. We were very close and we did everything together. He went into a midlife crisis and “lost his mind.” If you have experienced it, you know what I am talking about. I am still in love with him. Will you please pray for us? Thank you.
(USA) ASKING FOR PRAYER. I divorced my huband after 17 years of marriage. It has been 2 years since I filed. I had low thyroid, hormone and depression. He had low testosterone and there was no intimacy. I was getting suicidal and knew I had to get out or I would do something to myself. I did not get the help I needed until way later, even though we had counseling. I did not want the divorce. I wanted him to fight for me or show some emotion. I love him so much. He has been seeing someone for about 8 months.
I told him 5 weeks ago how sorry I was and how much I loved him and wanted to get back together. Last week I wrote him a 10 page letter telling him all the things I wished I had done and how proud I was of him, and how much I still love him. I would not be the person I am today if I had not gone through this. God has totally changed me. I am listening to God everyday and standing on His Word and praying.