My wife and I have been married for 10 years, divorced for 1 year, and remarried for 4 years —of course to each other.
You may ask, how is it the second time around? It’s absolutely marvelous, we never argue, we never say the wrong things to each other, and we are always happy. If only it were so! No, we do argue, and we do miscommunicate with each other, and we are not always happy. But that’s all part of having a successful marriage.
In our first marriage God was not a part of it. I was the most inconsiderate man that any woman could ever have been married to. I was an alcoholic and a drug addict who eventually became a gangster. My wife had to live ten years of absolute hell with me.
She, however, loved me and told me continually that the reason she stayed with me was because she believed the man that she had met 10 years before would return. My wife did not divorce me; I left her for a younger girl and divorced her.
My six year old daughter who had never been into a church found out from her teacher that she should pray for God to bring her daddy back. God answered her prayer.
I want to say that if one is having marriage problems and wants to get divorced, I don’t recommend it. I believe with God any marriage can be successful. It just depends how much you are prepared to sacrifice. My precious wife was prepared to sacrifice everything. I thank God for her.
True testimony given from a subscriber from South Africa.
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(KENYA) Hullo, I’m not yet married but I got your contact through my Dad who has been printing your articles. He’s a bit different as a husband, he is more affectionate with my mum and does little things like buy her shoes when money was tight in the family. He’s even more helpful as a father to us. Thank you for all your hard work in putting these materials together, please keep up.
(USA) Well, I am older-my husband & I married when he was 63 and I was 56 (2nd marriage for me; 3rd for him). It was a whirlwind courtship and were married after only 8 months after meeting. Church wedding –all guests were from my church or the church I worked at. His one daughter came, but I didn’t have the opportunity to talk with her or his son before the wedding.
Anyway, it became very apparent not long after the wedding that he was an alcoholic. Things got worse and worse till he went into detox and then a nursing home. He came to the marriage with no property, we lived in my house and I owned the car, although he did help with car repairs –not household bills. Anyway, I divorced him as soon as I could after he went into detox, hoping to never see him again. But since he had no one, I continued to help him and much to my surprise he was able to move into his own apt. and seemed much better.
I have felt extremely guilty about the divorce –I was single for many years and vowed to never marry again, but when I did I was planning to stay married till death do us part. But I couldn’t handle the alcohol, the screaming and ranting at me at all hours, the cursing of my church and my family. He did stay sober for 5 months and then last month slipped off the wagon. He is sober again now, and I am wondering if I should continue to try to restore the marriage or what.
I don’t sleep well because I worry about him, and I can’t help but worry that I have let God down. Has anyone been in this situation? My grown children really do not like him – he was very rude to them and my grandchildren when he was drinking and I know they think he is not good for or to me. But when he’s himself, he’s quite nice. What should I do? Can God restore this marriage and my relationship with my grown kids and grand kids?
I don’t know what to do. –Pat
(USA) I am amazed at the strength of the words I have read here today. I found myself in tears this morning, frantically searching the internet for some glimpse of hope that I wasn’t crazy in hoping that even though my husband pushed our divorce through, that there is still hope for us to be married! We were married for almost 6 years and have a beautiful 18 month old. I have been so temperamental and mean-natured to my husband through the last year of our separation because I was so hurt over his emotional affair(s) and his desire to leave.
His mother harbored him in her home and never encouraged him to come back. I have done the begging and pleading and the million unsuccessful ways I thought might encourage or coerce him into coming home. Then I very recently came to a very hard realization- improving myself first. I am trying to embrace my own spirituality and improve myself with the help of God and the Savior.
I love my husband, even through the pain and anger, but I have changes for the better to be made! One never knows what will happen, and sometimes we don’t see God’s hand in our lives when they are turned upside down- or his purpose rather- and it’s so frustrating. But I feel as a 29 year old woman, that I made an eternal commitment and I feel like with God, there is always hope! I believe in marriage, and I believe in the for better or worse, not just the BETTER. But always hoping for the best!
I commend all of you in your strength and wanted to say thank you for sharing your experiences. I have been uplifted by them.
(USA) Married for 10 years with an adopted son. Divorced for 5 years and after 100 false claims of child abuse, finally a decree that the court and CPS admit there is no finding of child abuse. The last 6 months eharmony gave me a girlfriend and we remain chaste. I told her I was standing for my marriage even after divorce. Her question was how could I still love her after what she did to me and my son? I told her it was religious.
The new girlfriend has committed to me and I continue to tell her that I cannot commit until after my son is 18. The truth is that I am using that as an excuse. My vows are a covenant and I can only be ideally released by death or adultery. Pray for me as I find what Sue has described and help me to find a way to communicate my "standing" to this or any other girl.
(USA/CALIFORNIA) I have been divorced for one year and separated for one year prior to that. My wife asked me to leave the house so I did. I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit. I have attended church for 12 years and did not have a personal relationship with Jesus until my wife announced the divorce. I am a stander for my marriage also, with my two lovely daughters that pray for their mom daily.
Please do not look at your situation as if you are in the waiting room. I look at my situation as a time to grow closer and closer everyday to Jesus Christ our Savior. I am sure when the Lord sees it fit and we are both ready, I have no doubt that he will bring us back together. Matthew 19:26, Luke 18:1 are what I stand for daily.
Blessings, Laurence
(USA) I’m still struggling with my divorce after 35 years of marriage. My husband left 2 1/2 yrs. ago and the divorce was final about a year later. He’s now in a relationship with a coworker and they’re together pretty much 24/7. Thing is, he believes he is a Christian and that God has led him every step of the way, from leaving me to ending up with her. For as he tells everyone, he’s so happy, happy, happy, so is she, and how miserable he was with me. And he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks regarding his relationship with her. There are very few who approve.
He’s been so deceitful, which was never something I ever saw in him, plus he’s even drinking more. He hardly ever took a drink, yet he thinks he’s where God wants him to be. I don’t see it that way. I’m standing for our marriage to be restored, for I still feel as he did once, that God brought us together. That will never change. I know I need to forgive them both, but it’s so difficult, for I still feel such pain and hatred in my heart against her. Is it wrong to pray for God to sour that relationship?
(ZIMBABWE) My husband left me 3years ago. He stole our beautiful daughter from me 3 months ago. Please pray with me for the restoration of my family. I believe God will restore this family in Jesus name. Rothrine
(USA) Help! I divorced my husband of 26 years after I could not take the verbal abuse. It was so bad that now my grown children have issues with verbally abusing their spouses. Well, we have been divorced for 21 months… and we have both changed.
I am more assertive and he is less abusive. We have both gone to counseling… individually I asked to reconcile our marriage about 6 months ago and he agreed! I was so happy. But, then he tells me that he is seeing another woman, however. They are intimate. Well, he’s still seeing her even though he and I have had some great times together during the past 6 months.
I know it takes both parties to reconcile. I am just praying that this is God’s will for my life I know He hates divorce, and I was detached from my faith when I filed for divorce. He is still seeing her, but says they are not intimate. We have been to counseling together… however, the person was not a Christian counselor. It makes a BIG difference. He has stopped going… and says that he needs to make a decision.
He feels this other person is innocent and does not deserve to be hurt. He also says that I don’t deserve to be hurt either… since he agreed to try to reconcile. I try to stay positive, prayerful, and hopeful. We spend almost every weekend together, but I know they talk via phone everyday. She lives a few hours away and I live in a different city.
Right now, I am focusing hard on God and what He would have me to do. I still consider him as my husband, and I have offered to just "go away" and let him have the relationship with her. Yet, he tells me to "see it through" or "this too shall pass". He says he wants to be with me, but he does not know how to get out of this other relationship. I guess he is prideful and does not want to lose face with her (an old g/f from college).
I am praying for his strength daily… any suggestions? All three of us are Christians. Again, I was very hurt and detached when I divorced him… I know now that I should have stayed and not left. To Him goes the glory, Janel
(UNITED STATES) Well, my husband gave me a divorce & he was cheating on me. I didn’t want a divorce but I know that is what I needed to do, was to let him go and let God do what he has to do in me. He moved in with another woman and they bought a house. He still calls me, checking on me saying that he is just checking on me. I don’t get that at all. I still love him but I just can’t have him thinking that he can do what he wants to do.
(USA) I divorced my husband for physical abuse, although there were numerous occasions of adultery on his part. However, I did not divorce him for that. We had been together for 6 years before being married, I divorced him after being married for 3 years. We have a son together, I had a daughter when I met him, not his child.
I had an affair that he found out about by a letter he found. He flew into a rage even though after all his numerous affairs, all I did was cry and feel hurt when I found out. He destroyed all my clothes, shoes, purses, everything except the clothing I was wearing. He beat me in front of the kids and took an axe and smashed all the furniture except the kids bedrooms. I called the police and took the kids and went to stay at my moms. He came overnight and took my car and burned it near my mom’s house. I filed domestic violence charges and he was sentenced to 10 days in jail.
I divorced him within 4 months of all this. I stayed at my mom’s for about a year. I convinced him to move out of our house after a year, so that I and the kids could move back. He moved in with one of his girlfriends. I stopped seeing the man I had the affair with after I moved back to my house after I realized that he was not looking for anything other than an affair. I started to pray about the mess I was in and asked for God’s guidance. My ex-husband, about that time, started to come over and finally convinced me that he wanted his family back. I took him back, however we did not get remarried.
I tried with all my might to be good to him that time. I then found out that for medical reasons that I could not have any more children. I had surgery but it did not help restore my ability to have children. His mother was still angry at me that he had done 10 days in jail because of domestic violence and she would call and tell him to meet her at her hairdressers often. He had met this hairdresser during our separation and his mother liked her and was helping to get them back together. I found out she was pregnant. He did not tell me, my daughter heard it and told me. I was so crushed and broken hearted.
I kept praying even though it hurt horribly. She had a miscarriage and the same day she left the hospital he came home crying and said it must have happened because of how he treated me.
He seemed to try after that for about a month. His mother called one Saturday and I listened on the phone to hear her say the woman was in the hospital and had taken pills to commit suicide and that he should come to the hospital. He went. After that he started seeing her again and she got pregnant again. He brought the baby over when he was about 1 year old. I was not angry at the baby, it was not his fault.
I then found out that the woman was pregnant again. He started staying over at her house for 3 to 4 days at a time and still would not move out even when I asked him to leave. He said he did not want to leave me and he had responsibilities for his other kids also. I was still praying and going to church to keep sane and to keep from doing something to him that would land me in jail.
Needless to say he did not leave our house until I pretended to call the police on him. He got scared and moved all his clothes. He got married to her. They have two boys who are now 13 and 15. I went to lunch with him a few weeks ago. He is not happy with her but says it is cheaper to keep her. I have a son with him who is now 26 years old.
I try to believe that God has a plan for all of his children’s lives but I still do not understand how we women can be so forgiving of those who continually mistreat us. I know I had a part in the breakup but maybe it was not God’s will for us. To all those who are praying for their ex-spouses to return, it may be like a dog returning to his own vomit. (That’s in the Bible I think). I wish you all the best and God bless.