My wife and I have been married for 10 years, divorced for 1 year, and remarried for 4 years —of course to each other.
You may ask, how is it the second time around? It’s absolutely marvelous, we never argue, we never say the wrong things to each other, and we are always happy. If only it were so! No, we do argue, and we do miscommunicate with each other, and we are not always happy. But that’s all part of having a successful marriage.
In our first marriage God was not a part of it. I was the most inconsiderate man that any woman could ever have been married to. I was an alcoholic and a drug addict who eventually became a gangster. My wife had to live ten years of absolute hell with me.
She, however, loved me and told me continually that the reason she stayed with me was because she believed the man that she had met 10 years before would return. My wife did not divorce me; I left her for a younger girl and divorced her.
My six year old daughter who had never been into a church found out from her teacher that she should pray for God to bring her daddy back. God answered her prayer.
I want to say that if one is having marriage problems and wants to get divorced, I don’t recommend it. I believe with God any marriage can be successful. It just depends how much you are prepared to sacrifice. My precious wife was prepared to sacrifice everything. I thank God for her.
True testimony given from a subscriber from South Africa.
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(US) I think that if God really honors marriage then couples would stay together. It has become very hard for me to accept what God has allowed and I am very bitter and upset with him and my ex-wife. Now I feel that I am alone and whatever I do will be because of me and not God. How could he have allowed this after knowing that this would have this type of effect on me (his child)? I do not feel that I am his.
(USA) Eddie, I was mad at God for a while, but now I am not. I believe he gives us free will. I can choose to be evil or good. I choose to try to be good. Because God did not force my 1st husband to come back to me and leave his girlfriend, I don’t think it is God’s fault anymore. I think God prompts the heart to change, but we have the freedom to make the decision on what we will do in these cases.
My first husband at times would feel the promptings of God and cry and talk and apologize but always went back to doing what ever he wanted eventually. Therefore, I saw God trying to get his attention but he did not choose to listen. He may still be trying to get his attention even years later, as God is more patient than we are. I gave up waiting for God to fix things so I moved on. Some people have more patience that I have. I don’t wait well. Which can be a problem also, as I went right into another marriage. Not a good idea as I still had unresolved baggage left from the first marriage.
This is my 2nd marriage, I am married to a man who sounds like the husband Patricia (posted Jan. 5, 2009) described except we are still in the same house and are not divorced. He gets drunk and verbally has abused me, been drunk and rude to my mom and siblings. He got drunk and hit me in the head a few years back and I have 12 stitches in my scalp to show for it. I feel bad that he is addicted but I feel worse for me that I am still living here in this mess as he is not on a road to recovery that I can see. He has pancreas problems due to alcohol, the Drs have told him that it could be fatal unless he stops. I don’t think he believes them as it has not even slowed down his drinking. We sleep in separate rooms as his room is a stinking pig sty. He chain smokes and does not care. I pay my sister to clean his room and bathroom as I can’t stomach it. He is on disability and uses his check to smoke and drink and act like the devil.
I have not divorced him yet, however I think about it usually a few times a day I had a counselor say that to marry someone with the temperament, actions and problems in your husband, what were you running from? In being honest, I was running from being alone and feeling unwanted after my first marriage ended in divorce and my husband remarried someone else. I had to be desperate to marry an alcoholic after growing up in a home with an alcoholic father. I always said there was no way I would put up with an alcoholic husband like my mom did, but look at me now. After the breakup and hurt of my first divorce for infidelity on both our parts, I apparently married the 2nd husband as a rebound, we only knew each other for about 3 months before getting married.
We met at church through my Pastor at the time who introduced us. This same Pastor married us. Needless to say instead of things getting better after I married him they got worse. He hid the constant drinking for a while, however slowly his true self showed up. I was an idiot, who broke my own code regarding alcoholics because I sort of felt, as the Pastor approved of him, I thought there was some kind of Godly leading for us (WRONG).
My mother and my daughter were against the marriage as they said I did not know him well enough and they proved to be right. The Pastor’s prophecy proved wrong. I learned I need to listen for the peace of God to rule before making major decisions. Did it take all that to help me to come to this point? I guess so. If I ever find myself alone again, I will get a dog if I am lonely, maybe two.
I can’t tell anyone else what to do, however I can tell myself that I do not believe God wants his children to suffer at the hands of unruly and ungodly spouses that have no consideration for God or what is right or for us and our feelings and the way they treat people so poorly continually with no remorse, change or repentance. I believe God wants better for us. I believe that I don’t always clearly know what to do, but I do have a good idea now of what not to do. Feeling sorry for someone is no reason to be married to a devil no matter how much you may want to help them. My sanity and peace of mind is more important. I will help them from afar and bless them as they go on their way.
Did it take all this to learn this? For me I guess so. However, I feel I have gained wisdom on making better choices. The Bible says don’t even eat with a drunkard. Therefore I sure as heck don’t see God wanting me to be married and living with one. Some people take their whole lives to straighten up and repent and really accept God into their heart and act differently, some wait until their death bed, some never turn around. But God gives us free will. We can choose to accept him or reject him. It is our free will choice.
I hope everyone going through the torment in these emails continues to pray about your situations and let the peace of God rule in your decisions as I want you to be happy, peaceful and content. Life is difficult enough without having relationships that cause us grief. Golden rule… Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. If you were a mean, hateful alcoholic, rude, evil, insensitive jerk, would you expect anyone to want to be around you? Of course not. So why should one value oneself so little that we allow ourselves to be treated so badly?
I have started praying for God to help me to have the strength to walk away at his leading and stay away from anyone that does not treat me as I treat others and want to be treated and believes God is pleased with their treatment of me as his child. Much love and God’s blessings and guidance to us all.
(BAHAMAS) I am now a 50 yr old woman, have the strength and looks of a 35 yr old woman. I got married at the age of 18 years old. I really didn’t get married for love. At that time it was in the best interest of my family that an 18 year woman be married. So when my husband came along I got married just to have a good name and a family. I now realize that I do not love him and have asked God daily to rid me of this marriage.
My husband acted cool for a while but right after the marriage he started to drink and started to be with other women. He has a thirty two year daughter the same age as our second son and I only knew of this when she was twenty six years of age. Also my husband calls me bad names all of the time, names like hoar and no good, especially when he’s drunk. He slows down now, but I don’t love him and wish to get out of this marriage.
(KENYA) Thanks for the wonderful messages that are being shared. I am 28 years old and married for 5 years. All through I have seen the hand of God in my marriage and pray that God will continue sustaining my marriage till death do us part.
I just want to encourage Eddie that God is always faithful and works towards the good of our life. Never Give Up in trusting HIM as He sees and knows what u are going through. Be patient, continue seeking Him and he will lift you up. Trust in Him as Job in the Bible did, and He will reward you abundantly. Remember God is never too late nor too early; He is always on time to all those who believe and trust in Him. Be Blessed. Mildred
(USA) My wife and I are going through a divorce that I don’t want but filed because she has been in an affair for over a year now. I think I have to go through with it because she has shown no signs of repentance. She says she never was saved although she made a profession of faith at 12. We have four children from 17 to 10. She is forty and struggles with age gaps. I want her back but only if she is saved. She says she is not coming back. I believe God still works miracles and expect to remarry her this fall. All of you keep praying that God would save her and then restore our marriage. I just don’t believe God wants this to end.
Should I go through with the divorce regardless of whether she get saved before the divorce is finished in July?
(USA) Sincerely seek an answer from God, not the opinion of man. My advice is to continually forgive and love and intercede for your wife– and let God work on her heart, soul, and spirit. God is a God of restoration and reconciliation. Read the book of Hosea.
(USA) HELLO TO ALL, MY EX LEFT 3 YEARS AGO IN NOVEMBER, OUR DIVORCE WAS A YEAR AGO TOMORROW. I NEVER THOUGHT I’D BE HERE. WE HAD SOME TROUBLE, BUT SO DOES EVERY MARRIED COUPLE. THREE YEARS AGO I WAS TOLD BY A STRANGER ON THE PHONE HE WAS CHEATING. I DID NOT WANT TO LOSE HIM I THOUGHT MAYBE WE NEEDED TIME BUT I TOLD HIM HE DID NOT HAVE TO LEAVE. HE HAD BACK-SLIDDEN ON GOD AND WAS WEAK IN HIS WALK WITH GOD. HE CHOSE TO STAY GONE.
WE STAY IN TOUCH BECAUSE OF THE KIDS, BUT NOW AFTER 3 YEARS ALMOST IT SEEMS GOD IS SHOWING ME THAT MY PRAYERS ARE WORKING. I DON’T KNOW EVERYONE’S BELIEFS THAT READ THESE STORIES, BUT I BELIEVE GOD SPEAKS THROUGH PEOPLE WITH WORDS OF KNOWLEDGE. THIS MEANS THAT GOD USES THEM TO SPEAK TO OTHERS ABOUT THINGS THEY HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE OF.
DURING THE FIRST YEAR ESPECIALLY, GOD GAVE ME MANY WORDS CONCERNING MY MARRIAGE. I STOOD AND STILL STAND ON THOSE WORDS AND NOW I BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE SOON TO COME TO PASS. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT GOD IS DRAWING MY EX-HUSBAND BACK TO HIMSELF. I BELIEVE THAT SOON AND VERY SOON I WILL SEE HIM COME THROUGH THE DOORS OF MY CHURCH TO RENEW HIS WALK WITH GOD AND EVENTUALLY HIS MARRIAGE TO ME. GOD IS SO GOOD. HE IS FAITHFUL WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS. HE WILL NEVER FAIL YOU.
PEOPLE WILL FAIL YOU. SOMETIMES EVEN PEOPLE WHO LOVE GOD WILL FAIL YOU. WE ARE HUMAN AND ARE NOT PERFECT. WE CAN ONLY STRIVE TO BE ALL THAT GOD HAS CREATED US TO BE.
PLEASE EDDIE, FROM MARCH 18TH, DON’T BLAME GOD, HE WOULD NEVER HURT YOU. WHEN YOU HURT HE HURTS. HE GAVE HIS ONLY SON FOR YOU TO HAVE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. STAND ON GOD’S WORD. LET IT BE YOUR FOUNDATION. KEEP YOUR EYES ON HIM AT ALL TIMES SO YOU’RE NOT DISTRACTED BY THE STORMS OF LIFE. I PRAY THAT GOD RENEWS YOU AND THAT HE SENDS YOU SOMEONE TO GIVE YOU STRENGTH AND ENCOURAGEMENT, A MENTOR OR A FRIEND WHO WILL HELP YOU THROUGH THE WORD OF GOD. I PRAY YOU HAVE A GOOD, LOVING CHURCH TO STAND BEHIND YOU AND HOLD YOU UP IN GOD.
WE MUST ALL REALIZE THE DEVIL IS TRYING TO DESTROY THE MARRIAGES OF ALL GOOD PEOPLE. HE KNOWS HOW STRONG A UNIFIED, GODLY COUPLE CAN BE. GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND I HOPE THAT VERY SOON I CAN POST THE RENEWAL OF MY MARRIAGE TO THE HUSBAND OF MY YOUTH.
(UNITED KINGDOM) I did like reading all the comments. My situation is I am divorced but I am a Catholic and in the Catholic church so I am still married. I am pleased about that and would like to get back with my husband, but he is with another woman so I just have to wait.
(USA) Mike said, “Should I go through with the divorce regardless of whether she gets saved before the divorce is finished in July?” No, keep praying!
Marriage = A Covenant Between One Man And One Woman… Until Death. See: http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html and http://www.marriagedivorce.com/mdreform2.htm.
(USA) Mike, I’m living this entire hell in each pore of my body. Divorce is not the solution. If you still love her you can go through this experience better by going to counseling and respecting her all the way. I hope I have the opportunity to save my love life and smile again. My kids, my entire family is in pain for this lost. Good luck and God bless your decisions.