My wife and I have been married for 10 years, divorced for 1 year, and remarried for 4 years —of course to each other.
You may ask, how is it the second time around? It’s absolutely marvelous, we never argue, we never say the wrong things to each other, and we are always happy. If only it were so! No, we do argue, and we do miscommunicate with each other, and we are not always happy. But that’s all part of having a successful marriage.
In our first marriage God was not a part of it. I was the most inconsiderate man that any woman could ever have been married to. I was an alcoholic and a drug addict who eventually became a gangster. My wife had to live ten years of absolute hell with me.
She, however, loved me and told me continually that the reason she stayed with me was because she believed the man that she had met 10 years before would return. My wife did not divorce me; I left her for a younger girl and divorced her.
My six year old daughter who had never been into a church found out from her teacher that she should pray for God to bring her daddy back. God answered her prayer.
I want to say that if one is having marriage problems and wants to get divorced, I don’t recommend it. I believe with God any marriage can be successful. It just depends how much you are prepared to sacrifice. My precious wife was prepared to sacrifice everything. I thank God for her.
True testimony given from a subscriber from South Africa.
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(SOUTH AFRICA) HI THERE MIKE, SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I’M GOING THROUGH A SITUATION LIKE YOURSELF. ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT HE DOESN’T LOVE ME ANY MORE. I ADORE THE MAN. IT STARTED 14 MONTHS AGO. I WENT OVERSEAS TO ENGLAND FOR THE BIRTH OF MY GRAND SON FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE. HE STARTED A PHONE CALL RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN THAT WENT INTO OTHER THINGS AS WELL.
IN THAT TIME WE MOVED ONTO A GAME FARM AND LIVE IN A TENT FOR A NO OF MONTHS AND MY CHILDREN HAD LEFT HOME AS WELL. QUITE A FEW THINGS WENT WRONG. IN THIS PROCESS HIS LONG TERM FRIEND WAS IN DIRE STRAIGHTS AND HAD NOWHERE TO GO SO SHE WAS INVITED TO THE FARM AS WELL. SHE HAS THREE CHILDREN FROM OTHER MEN. THE WARNING SIGNS WHERE THERE AND I DID THINK FOR ONE MOMENT THAT SHE WOULD BETRAY ME AND TAKE MY HUBBY FROM ME.
HE HAS MOVED OUT AND SAID HE HAS NO FEELINGS LEFT FOR ME. I REALLY WANT TO STAND ON THE WORD OF GOD THAT HE COMES TO HIS SENSES AND REALIZES THAT THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN SLEEPING AROUND WITH OTHER WOMAN. THERE ARE TOO MANY THINGS TO SAY AND I DO NOT WANT TO GO INTO THAT. FORGIVE, FORGIVEN, AND TRYING TO FORGET.
I LOVE THE LORD VERY MUCH. GOD IS MY TOP POINT OF MY LIFE AND I WANT TO DO HIS WILL IN THIS SITUATION. TIME WILL HEAL ALL THINGS. I’M NOT GOING TO ANY LAWYERS HE WILL HAVE TO DO THAT. MY CHILDREN WHERE BOUGHT UP BY HIM AND LET ME LET YOU KNOW THEY ARE HURTING LIKE ANYTHING. MAY THE LORD RESTORE YOU AND BLESS YOU UNTIL YOUR CUP RUNS OVER. GOD BLESS.
(USA) All of these stories are such an inspiration. It’s amazing how many people share the same pain I am going through. My wife left about a year ago and our divorce is almost final. I am 33 and married to her for almost 10 years. We actually met when we were only 7. We have 3 amazing kids together and I love this girl more than life itself. She has been dating a guy that is 28 with no kids and has never been married. She had told me that she didn’t leave me for him, that our problems occurred before he was in the picture. And she’s right they were.
But now that I have been through counseling myself, I see what I was doing was wrong. I took the most precious thing in my life and didn’t treat her like a friend and a wife. Don’t get me wrong, she had her issues too, but that is a thing of the past. I want to forgive and forget. And now that I know she is with this other guy, it is difficult for me to let go.
After a year of being with him, she still hasn’t introduced the kids to him. I can see why he doesn’t mind the children; he doesn’t have to deal with them! I am a spiritual person and my wife is too, but we let our life slip away from God way too much. And truthfully, this was probably a good wake up call for the both of us. But, I am now ready and mature enough to want this relationship to work. I miss her very much and also want to start seeing my kids everyday again.
Every time I see my wife, I just want to hold her and tell her I love her. If only it was that easy. One thing is for sure, I will not let the court or a piece of paper telling me that I am getting divorced, stop me. And it is because of my faith in God that He will see this through. And it will be done on His timing, I can’t force the issue.
I know many people out there are sharing my pain as well. And all I can say is put your faith in God in everything you do and watch how He will perform miracles in your life. Just be patient and don’t lose faith!
(USA) I as well was married for a very long time, 15 and half years. My husband called me the day after my birthday on my lunch break from work to tell me he did not think we were working out. He said he needed time to find himself and time to become the person he needed to be.
Well I totally lost it, did not know what to do was a basket case. I found out later that same evening he was with his girlfriend. How crushing. I did not know what to do, what to say or how to manage. We have 2 sons together and I could not even tell them where there Daddy was.
So to make a long story short, I filed for divorce –BIGGEST MISTAKE of my life. Our divorce was final on the day we first started dating when we were just teenagers. I prayed EVERYDAY that he would figure out what it was he was looking for and either let me go or make things right with us. The entire time him and I were separated we continued to see one another as much as possible, only his girlfriend who he was now living with did not know.
But I came to a point where I could not be the one on the side and I told the girlfriend about mine and his relationship that we had continued to have since day one of the split up. Well she dumped him, so he moved in with mutual friends of ours and lived with them for 2 months and during that 2 months we started working on our relationship.
Now after 6 months of being apart and a divorce we are 100% back together. We have talked about remarriage, but I want to make sure he is not going to stray and I am really what he wants. So I continue to live on pins and needles and I pray non stop and only want what is best for me and my family.
(USA) It has been a year since I first visited this post, and there are so many stories of pain… and hope. I’m still “standing” and even though the earthly circumstances have not changed, I’m still full of hope for a restored marriage in God’s timing and God’s way. I don’t really feel like I’m in a “waiting room,” but that I’m in a chapter of life that is really going quite well! I’m busy with my job and my church, and just returned from a missions trip.
What does break my heart about many of these posts is the level of information that is shared about spouses. I feel like we should focus on our own sin and leave that of our spouses at the foot of the cross. During these past “chapters” I’ve really been convicted of my ability to gossip, so I hope you’ll take this suggestion in the light of someone who has learned the hard way. It also hurts to read about those who want to divorce or get out of their marriages. Divorce is just another sinful response to sin, and evidence of a hardened heart.
Michael (Feb. 15, 2009), I’ve chosen to wear a band on my wedding ring hand, and not to date, so that is helping me to stay committed to my covenant marriage vows. I do understand the temptation and sometimes I’m lonely too, but God is showing me that He is truly enough. Blessings.
(USA) What an awesome story (the original one)! I’m hoping that this marriage was a covenant marriage (original marriage partners). It is sad to read all the following stories though. So many broken marriages. For those who encourage others to “move on”, please read God’s Word because if they are moving on from the marriages GOD joined as ONE flesh, you are encouraging them to commit adultery. We need to be very careful of doing such.
For those who are committed to wait on the Lord– no matter how long it takes, know you are in the Lord’s Will, walking in a pleasing manner before Him. In the end, brother/sister, you will NOT regret doing things the Lord’s way, including loving His way, instead of following the ways of this world. Many blessings… http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html
(USA) We have been together for 5 1/2 years and married for almost 4 years. We do not have children together but children from our previous marriages. My husband is very jealous and possessive. He checks all my stuff looking for evidence all the time. The reason why he does this is because since we met I keep telling him that he is not handsome enough, or good enough and that I married him to get my green card. I do NOT mean those words, I love him very much.
All this time I have been pushing him away somehow and restricting sex. He suffers in loneliness and his anger towards me grows more and more. He has become obsess and more jealous. We argue all the time and hurt each other with bad words. We always ended up making love and promising each other to change. Our sex is beyond perfection but so little because I always refuse for no reason.
Four months ago the situation became worse and I asked him to sign a Separation Agreement. I asked him to leave and to find a woman. (I have been telling him that for a long time now.) He has tried to get us a matrimonial room but I have refused and forced him to have his own bedroom and I have my own where I sleep with my kids.
At the end of April/09 I stopped talking to him totally not even hi or anything. He was still checking my stuff because he thought for sure this time I had a man
I did not, never even in my imagination.
He met a woman and became involved with her he brought her to our apartment and had sex with her in his bedroom. He left a used condom and a huge picture of the woman in his bed, the lights on and the door open so I could see it. I was devastated. I wanted to die when I saw that. I always checked his bedroom for evidence too and this time I found the worst. He told me later that it was the only way he found to get my attention back. He said he was trying to forget about me and forcing himself to fall for this woman but she ripped him off and took tons of money for two times of sex and that after that day (last Jul/8) they broke up.
He has asked for forgiveness and promised me to do anything I ask him to. He has also blamed me for treating him this way for so many years. He said they had sex twice and that she was not interested in him but his money. I am confused. I know I have serious issues myself and I know he does too. We made love last night like two lovers who will not see each other ever again. Yet I went to the lawyer last week and filed for divorce. He told me that if divorcing him is what it take to win me back he will agree to anything I want. I DO love him but I will never trust him because of this. Also every time we have problems due to my telling him that I want him out of our apartment and that I will divorce him. I do not trust him but I think we love each other very much.
I called that woman last night in front of him and she said she does not know who he is. I wanted him to talk to her and tell her that he loves me but he told me it was not necessary because he broke up and told her that he is going for his wife.
Should I leave him? I think we shall never be happy.. he is jealous and I have so much anger inside. He always blamed me of cheating and then asks for forgiveness. He hates my ex-husband and feel I can go back to him. We are suffering and are hurting each other. We have lost control and love our sex together. Our children are suffering … he does not want to move out but I told him he must after this. Our life is a mess.
I wish I could start fresh like he always said but I know how I am … we destroyed our marriage right? I know.
(USA) Wendy, Are you kidding me? Let me see if I understand the facts:
1. You’ve criticized him and told him that you only married him to get your green card. Regardless of what you MEAN, you actually told him these words.
2. You pushed him away and refused sex with him. (Yet he is supposed to believe you loved him as you stated in the first part of your post.)
3. You pressured him to sign a separation agreement.
4. You asked him to leave and find a woman.
5. You stopped talking to him all together.
Now you ask us if you should divorce him? You talk about his asking for forgiveness, what about you? You’ve done some very hurtful things to him, but I don’t see where you are really remorseful. You make love to him and then the next day file for divorce.
If you decide to go forward with your divorce, make sure you don’t deprive him of the children. From what you’ve written, you are a very self absorbed person, focused primarily on your happiness, with little or no expressed concern for your husband, or remorse let alone ownership of your behavior.
You’ve abused your husband with what you’ve done. He finally responded to your abuse with his abuse of cheating. He’s stopped cheating. When will you stop your abuse? When will you stop your selfish behavior?
He did exactly what you wanted him to do, and now you want to say WE destroyed our marriage? In this case, I’m saying you did about 99% of the destruction.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, withdraw your divorce petition, or even better, file a divorce saying YOU are abusive, and that you want to give custody of your children to him. If he doesn’t want that, then let him fight against that in court.
But by no means should you try to take any assets or be the primary custodian of the children based on what you’ve said you’ve done in this marriage.
(CANADA) We are separated for a year now… it was not a pretty split up. Believe me, jail is not my kind of place.
My wife is expecting me to change… and I can’t… I have tried for 35 years to be somebody other than who I am, and it just has not ever worked.
I have prayed for hours at a time… sought counselling… even several exorcists!!! Read the Bible, looked for answers in all the nooks and crannies… et,c etc. It just does not work, and every time I do try, the Lord seems to be saying that if He changed me, I would not have to rely daily on His AMAZING and wonderful Grace…
But in the mean time, my wife expects me to change, and I just am who I am… just can’t do it… so what do I do now? Craig
(UNITED STATES) My wife left me nearly 2 1/2 years ago, divorced me almost two years ago. I still love her so much and want her by me after reading your story. I pray every day and night that God will bring us back together. We are not in communication so please keep us in prayer. God Bless you and keep you.
(USA) ASKING FOR PRAYER. Will you please ask God to restore our 28 year marriage? We are divorced. We were very close and we did everything together. He went into a midlife crisis and “lost his mind.” If you have experienced it, you know what I am talking about. I am still in love with him. Will you please pray for us? Thank you.