To seriously date or to consider marrying a non-Christian is outside the will of God. In 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, Paul says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers, for what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?”
The verb “bound together” literally means “unequally yoked.” Paul is recalling the Old Testament command in Deuteronomy 22:10, “You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together.”
God forbade yoking together beasts of such diverse sizes and strengths because the excessive chafing of the yoke would injure both animals. In the same way, Paul says that a binding relationship between a Christian and a non-Christian will be mutually injurous because they are so essentially different.
Of course, some marriages eventually become centered around God when the non-believing spouse later comes to Christ. However, for every instance where an unequally yoked marriage recovers in this way, there are a dozen tragedies. When a true Christian marries a non-Christian, there is almost certainly great suffering ahead. Christians who violate God’s will in this way have based their marriage relationships around something or someone other than Christ. They have compromised their relationship with God.
We can be thankful that God will not reject us for such lapses in judgment. But He has never promised to preserve us from pain when we defy His will. Besides the pain we will likely bear from such a decision, compromising our faith suggests that Jesus Christ is not the most important Person in our life. This will hardly increase respect for our faith.
More importantly, there is no reason to believe that a non-Christian (or a “Christian” who is uninterested in the things of God) will change after marriage. The record shows that this rarely happens, and the Bible pointedly reminds us that God gives us no such assurance. Paul asks of mixed partners in 1 Corinthians 7:16,” …how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?” Remember, we are free to choose whom we marry, but we are also responsible for the possible lifelong consequences.
How easily we can say, “I’m ready to accept that responsibility,” until we experience the painful results of ignoring God’s will! Often an unequally yoked person returns to follow God closely years later and faces stiff opposition from a non-Christian spouse. Even worse, unequally yoked believers may permanently compromise their commitment to Christ in order to keep peace in the home. Children also invariably suffer in such marriages.
Considering the clear biblical teaching against marrying non-Christians, Christians need to be honest with themselves when they consider entering, or continuing, a romantic relationship of this sort. Embarking on such a relationship, they are really denying that God knows best how to bring fulfillment into their lives, and that he is committed to their good. (See Matthew 7:11 and Deuteronomy 10:13.) Such a denial constitutes a betrayal of what we say we believe about God: that he is our wise and loving heavenly Father who always seeks our good.
Before going ahead, ask yourself: What evidence can you find that God has ever been wrong or unloving in His dealings with you? When have you ever regretted, in any lasting way, following God’s will? Why would this issue be any different?
No matter how “right” a relationship feels, God’s will concerning seriously dating or marrying a non-Christian will not change. If you find yourself drawn toward such a situation, resolve now to obey God despite the cost. Any delay only makes the decision harder. Even though you may feel terrible pain for a while, you will look back later and realize this decision was one of the best you ever made.
We have never met a Christian who wishes he or she had gone ahead into marriage with their non-Christian dating partner. But we have met scores of miserable Christians who would do anything if they could go back and change their decision to marry a non-Christian or a disinterested Christian. Seek out an older Christian for advice and support as you trust God. You’ll be thankful sooner than you think!
The above article comes from the book, The Myth of Romance written by Dennis McCallum and Gary DeLashmutt, published by Bethany House Publishers. Unfortunately, this book is no longer in print so you may have a difficult time locating it.
What is especially unfortunate about this is that they have even more information in this book that could help those who are contemplating marriages as well as those who are married. So, if you’re able to find a copy of this book somewhere we recommend that you get it.
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(USA) I am surprised to read the stories of some Christians who have children with non-christians, but would not marry them! What a joke! Are believers supposed to have sex and children with non-beleivers? If you have given your bodies to them without being married to them, what is left? It’s adultery! Does not the Bible teach you to sleep only with your husbands/wives? I see no righteousness in sleeping with non-beleivers, but not marrying them. I do not know if marrying a non-beleiver is a sin or not, but adultery is a sin.
(INDIA) I was just thinking about making a move on this woman (Non Believer) whom I have loved for many years and I prayed a lot asking for God’s will – I accidentally clicked on this site and this is the answer. Now I know that I was about to forsake my first love- Christ. Thank you Lord for your answer.
(USA) I don’t know if my husband is actually an unbeliever or a backslidden Christian, but in my daily life it does not make much difference, although I am aware as far as eternity goes it makes a tremendous difference. I met my husband in church. After we married, he went into the ministry briefly. Then, he dropped out of the ministry and out of church. Not sure if he is or isn’t a Christian, but he won’t pray or read the Bible with family. I see no evidence of him doing it privately, opposed children being baptized (our denomination practices believer’s baptism, not infant, so this was the children wanting to be baptized after a profession of faith), cusses frequently, is emotionally abusive, at times has opposed me and kids attending church.
I wish that churches would wake up. He is this way because of his choices, not because I am not “submissive enough.” If I were as submissive as some of the women with devout loving Christian husbands say I should be, the kids and I would have dropped out of church, stopped praying, and stopped Bible reading to please him. All three kids are Christian and active in church, oldest in seminary, so I must have done something right when I decided to please God rather than him.
The other thing I run into in churches, often from people I ask to pray for my husband, is “if you had followed the Holy Spirit before marriage, you wouldn’t have this problem.” I would think if a group of mature ministers who ordained him for the ministry couldn’t foresee his backsliding, it is very unrealistic and judgmental to expect a 20 something year old girl in love to see it.
But regardless of anything past or present that I may be doing wrong, there is very little help from churches for women in unequally yoked marriages. Yet most women I have met are in this position either because they were saved after marriage or because the man seemed to be a Christian until after marriage.
((UK)) I am also married to a non-believer and my life has become a misery. I take full responsibility for my actions because I knew he was not saved and I went ahead and married him. At the time that I got married my walk with the Lord was not strong and I was battling with a lot of stuff concerning my faith ect. It will be two years next April and I regret ever making that decision. If I could turn back the time, my God, I would.
In less than a year of him being married to me, he cheated on me. He has physically been abusive to me as well. I have been battling for months whether to file for a divorce based on the grounds of adultery and now I have made up my mind to leave my marriage. I was praying for God to save him but the pain of my unfaithful husband is just too much. I tried to trust him but cannot, the enemy tormented me day and night because of my husband actions and now I cannot trust him or even believe a word he says.
THIS IS A SERIOUS WARNING… DO NOT MARRY AN UNSAVED PERSON. IT CAN COST YOU YOUR LIFE. I THANK GOD FOR AN ESCAPE. NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY SAY THEY LOVE YOU, IT IS A LIE. WAIT AND LET GOD BRING YOUR RIGHT HUSBAND THAT WILL LOVE YOU HOW CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH. I AM BEGGING YOU. DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE LIKE ME.
(USA) ”THIS IS A SERIOUS WARNING… DO NOT MARRY AN UNSAVED PERSON. IT CAN COST YOU YOUR LIFE. I THANK GOD FOR AN ESCAPE. NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY SAY THEY LOVE YOU, IT IS A LIE. WAIT AND LET GOD BRING YOU THE RIGHT HUSBAND THAT WILL LOVE YOU HOW CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH. I AM BEGGING YOU. DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE LIKE ME.”
God isn’t a micro-manager who brings the “right husband” into your life. That is 100% in YOUR hands – NOT God’s.
(USA) ”DO NOT MARRY AN UNSAVED PERSON. IT CAN COST YOU YOUR LIFE. I THANK GOD FOR AN ESCAPE. NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY SAY THEY LOVE YOU, IT IS A LIE.”
Question: How could someone say something as ridiculous as the above? Answer: Because they have completely thrown out their God given Gift of Reason, and have replaced it with faith in the completely HUMAN Word of Man – also known as the Bible.
(USA) It’s amazing that the more you read and understand the Word of God, the more you see the real truths. I got married for the first time in my life, 3 years now, to a non-believer who believes in Buddah. In the beginning, I got mixed signals from him that he might be interested in becoming a Christian. He attended church with me, and the more I tried to explain God’s (Jesus) purpose for our lives, the more he tried not to want to understand.
My husband works, but has a tendency to lie, use foul words, takes things without permission from his job and others, loves to be maniuplative and deceitful, and is very crafty – always thinking of ways to get over on others. He is tight with his money, always wanting someone else to foot the bill. We have 2 homes, neither of which have sold, and he stays in my home where I foot all the bills. He does nothing to help me in my home money-wise. He can be sweet at times, but I don’t feel as though it is honest. It’s hard to trust him most of the time, and I don’t know if I could go 5 or more years in this marriage.
I try everyday to grow more and more in the Word, praying more, reading my Bible more, asking God to show me how to make it clearer to my husband, or at least make it clear to him by whatever means necessary for him to understand that what I have been saying to him about God is true; but he only tries to tell me what Buddah is all about. I thank God that we do not have children, and ask that it never happens. Thinking back now to the first day that he and I met, if I had the chance to do it all over again, knowing what I know now, I would run as fast and as far away from him and anyone like him as a non-believer as I could.
I wished I had trusted God more, and had been more understanding of the word then. I pray that God will forgive me for my actions. I asked to marry a Godly, Christian man, but I think I just went with my husband because I was getting older, and had no prospects. How I would love to turn back the time.
God Bless to everyone, and please ask God before you make a decision to marry someone whose beliefs in God are different than yours.
(USA) ”To seriously date or to consider marrying a non-Christian is outside the will of God. In 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, Paul says, ‘Do not be bound together with unbelievers, for what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?’” 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 is NOT the will of God… it is the merely the writing of an ancient person who went by the name of Paul.
(USA) God didn’t give us a written “Word”. If you place your faith in the words of the Bible, Koran, Book of Mormon, or any other book, you are placing your faith in the HUMANS who wrote it – NOT God. God gave us the Gift of Reason. When we step outside the boundaries of God given Reason, problems of all sort – including marital problems – are sure to follow.
(USA) Emil, asking a believer not to believe is like telling the sea to dry up. The solution is not for the believer to give up their belief. The problems are not going to go away. The question is how to deal with the situation.
My wife and I are now married almost 8 months. She is a Christian through and through. I have been a closet-case non-believer for long before we ever met. I respect her rights to her beliefs, but I do not agree with them. She has told me that she knew about my feelings but did nothing, and I saw how devout she was but tried to ignore the fact that it would cause problems.
We love each other immensely, and this is really the only thing we disagree upon. We have talked a lot about it lately (which was when I decided to face the truth about myself) and have decided to find some counseling. At this point we have decided not to have kids, but I know this is one of the things that she wanted the most. It breaks my heart, and after reading all the replies here I am inclined not to continue with the marriage. I do not want to see her suffer so much pain just because I cannot believe too.
If marriage is supposed to be like a triangle with each partner on the bottom corners and God at the top, I fear our triangle is missing a side. We connect so well with each other and feel like we were meant for each other. I don’t want to hurt her by leaving, but I also don’t want to brew a resentment that could tear us apart in the future. What should we do?