Comments on: Military Marriages: War of a Broken Heart

By: Julie

Julie — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 03:22:48 +0000

(USA) I would love any information or articles on how to reestablish trust after infidelity… especially with a military spouse that travels. Information about surviving infidelity while your spouse is overseas would be helpful. There are tons of really good information out there, but none of it I have found include how we, as spouses are supposed to handle it.

Military One Source has some information, but I am looking for more… I want to save my marriage, but I need to know if it is savable. Therapy is helping, but I am not sure how to bring up military specific issues because they are hard to explain. HELP!!

By: Julie

Julie — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 03:15:47 +0000

(USA) I understand all the military wives comments. The one that just struck home with me was putting daddy on a pedestal for our children so they don’t have to see the ugly. My boys will tell me what they really think about something and tell dad what they think he wants to hear. He thinks I am lying to him to make him feel guilty about being gone! As if making him feel guilty would change things… it simply can’t.

Although, I only have 10 years experience with this lifestyle, we have done 11 short deployments following 4 years of TDY 3 weeks a month. I have to force myself to feel like we are even part of his life instead of a crash pad for 3 months of the year. He can’t understand why I feel that way. I feel like we are not a priority in his life, he feels like we are the only priority. I think there are ways to include your family in your unit… FRG, unit functions… something. Is work really number one in every military marriage? Do wives and famlies really figure in somewhere down the line? Why are there any military wives left if that is true? I really think my husband and I just haven’t figured out the right formula yet.

Denise, I am sorry for your hurt. But after 26 years, you have got to be an incredibly strong and able to adjust to just about any situatuation. I cant imagine how it hurts, but I can bet you will make it!! You have learned all the skills to survive even when you didn’t want to. Best of luck to you!

By: Cindy Wright

Cindy Wright — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 04:16:19 +0000

(USA) Hi Shenna, Are you thinking about Deuteronomy 24:5? If you are, it’s a great verse for the time it was written in, but I’m not sure we are to live by all the laws that were laid out during that time in Biblical history, otherwise, you’d have to follow Deuteronomy 24:1 and others as well. That particular verse in verse 5 is a good precedent to follow — not to get too involved with outside interests when one is first married, so you have the opportunity to get settled in your relationship first, but it’s not a steadfast law. Obviously, you and your husband (or another couple) need to do some praying and working together to make the important decisions that are being contemplated. I’m praying for you.

By: Shenna

Shenna — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 03:46:32 +0000

(USA) I am looking for the Bible verse which states man should to go to war until after one year from his marriage. To allow him and is wife to consummate and bond. Thank you for your help.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 16:52:35 +0000

(USA) Denise, Wow, the military wife in me like you and thousands of others, does everything using the power of prayer to make sure the home front is perfect to the best of our ability. I do not think that you abandoned your husband, I believed that you saved yourself, and your daughter! I believe that you were tired of living a life with a spirit of dead bones, and that the only way to breath life into your spirit was/is to divorce.

I too have been married to a military man for 26 years. I too have some praying to do, in that my marriage is struggling with demons that feed anger and hatred. What is the limited of emotional abuse, what is the limit of affairs on his part, before a marriage is done? I know first hand how military wives put our husbands on a pedestal for our children, making sure everything is perfect so that our husbands don’t react to our children they way they react to us. We don’t want our children to see just how ugly daddy can be. Your daughter will overcome her anger, as she hears the word of our Lord she will gain wisdom, and know just what strength it took for mommy to dislove 26 years of marriage.

Move on my sister and God Bless. Please keep praying for us still in the struggle, still in the struggle of letting go and letting God. Because only he knows when enough is enough.

By: Tony

Tony — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 18:44:03 +0000

(USA) Denise, let me see if I understand. You are upset that he abandoned you, but it appears you are seeking validation for doing the very same thing.

I’m confused. If it’s wrong for him to abandon you in what you call your time of need, if it’s wrong for him to not stand up for you, then how is it right for you to back down, to walk away, etc?

I’m sorry you have experienced such disappointment. However, I fail to see how doing essentially the same thing is any sort of Godly solution to the issue.

I’m trying to understand here. You have an accident while he’s gone, and would be in crutches when you get home, so you leave before he gets home? Isn’t that ignoring it too, or avoidance, which is essentially your complaint about him?

I can see why your daughter might be angry. She sees you doing the very same things you complain about with respect to her father. I’d be angry too if you were my mom and pulled such a stunt.

I’m not saying you don’t have valid complaints. I’m saying you are addressing those complaints in an invalid fashion.

By: Jean

Jean — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 11:38:21 +0000

(US) Dear Denise, There are very few rules in war. After years of our husbands serving and fighting, they turn and start fighting the prople who helped them the most. I am saddened for you and your daughter. But I am hopeful that you are a stronger and better person. I know that you are.
There is no easy way to walk away from 26 years of marriage… but now you can create a “new Denise” and you know that you are worth it. Be strong… and courageous… Always Forward.

By: Denise

Denise — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 15:18:37 +0000

(USA) I am currently going through a divorce from a military man. We have been married for 26 years. I left. Before this I was what most would say a perfect military wife. I kept the home front going, supported him in every way whether it be a call from Iraq at 2am on a work day or staying up all night praying because of the mission he was on, and then going to work the next day… We were active duty for 15 years and reserves after. I have been though many missions, conflicts and 2 wars/3 tours.

After all of this he couldn’t or wouldn’t stand up for me, be there when I needed him most. He left me to find my own way home from the hospital after having major surgery -tubes in my abdomen when I had to stay an extra day. He had to work (non-military). Last tour he did nothing to prepare me or our home. I said many X we can’t go into a deployment with issues. He ignored it. I had an accident ,was expected to be in cast/crutches when he came home. I left for protection. Our daughter is very angry.