“Change is the name of the game in marriage. But the question is, what are you changing into as husband and wife? Are you moving toward your God-given dreams together, or are you moving toward a dead end?” (Ted Roberts)

That’s a good question to ask yourself — particularly in this New Year. Each day can be a new beginning if we view it that way and work for it with the strength and guidance God can give.

With that in mind, we’d like to challenge you with the following article titled, Marriage on a Mission written by Pastor Ted Roberts, featured in New Man Magazine www.newmanmag.com in September/ October 2003. Even though it’s addressed to men, women can learn something from it also. We pray it will inspire you to move your marriage further toward God:

Marriage at times can be a real challenge. 70% of wives experience a significant drop in their marital satisfaction after having their first babies because they embrace a new sense of “we-ness” which includes the child, while the husband is still stuck in the old “just the two of us” mode.

Many men feel left behind after the children come along. We love our kids, but we want things to stay the same—we want our wives back! However, for the marriage to thrive, the husband has to experience the transformation into parenthood along with his wife.

Now some men say: “Wait a minute, that’s not fair! Her dreams have changed. She’s a different person.” What you need to remember is that change is a part of life. But as you sit here reading, realize that you are changing. In fact, every five years a man sheds every cell in his body except for his teeth. That means your body has been dumping millions of cells all over the floor. When your wife comes in and vacuums the living room, guess what? She is sweeping up—YOU!

Since change is a part of life, your dreams and goals must change as well. How are your dreams changing as a couple?

In John 17:22-23, Jesus, in His final moments with the disciples, spoke of the greatest dream of all. He prayed: “that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”

Why does this apply to your family? It applies because you can only begin to understand the depth of love expressed in Christ’s prayer through your family. I’ve seen this firsthand with my grandkids. Being a grandpa is awesome.

Recently, Annie, my 1-year-old granddaughter, toddled toward me with arms open wide, wanting a hug. In an instant, all the memories flooded back of my son—little Annie’s father—when he had done the same thing.

It’s hard to describe what happens in your heart during those moments. But the depth of love felt in those moments between a parent and child, between a husband and wife, or between a grandparent and grandchild, is only a tiny glimpse of what God feels for us—all the time. Only His feelings are purified of all junk, multiplied infinite times and extended throughout all eternity.

But the image of God is most clearly expressed in the relationship between a husband and wife. In Genesis 1:26, 27, God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit declared, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness … male and female he created them.”

Did you catch that? A God-honoring marriage is the only place you will see the image of God. That explains the grit and glory of marriage, and why hell will do anything in its power to destroy your union with your wife.

Men, don’t be shocked when you get to the other side and God asks you: “Tell me about your wife? Did she become more beautiful to you each day since the day I gave her to you? And what about your children—have you done everything you could to love them without condition?”

He won’t ask you how many points you scored in the big game, how much money you made in the stock market or how big your ministry was. He will ask you about your wife and the dreams He gave you together.

Maybe sitting down with your wife will bring the focus back to both your dreams. Try reading over old letters sent to each other years ago. Or try flipping through picture albums of your engagement days. What was God saying to the two of you then? Where were you at in your spiritual walks? What was the focus of your dreams together back then?

As you learn to listen to your wife’s dreams and to dream along with her—that’s right, dream with her—the world will come to know our heavenly Father’s outrageous love. Live life to the hilt by dreaming the dreams of God with your wife.

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Now would be a good time to follow the words of author Jerry Schreur, “Dream with your partner about what your marriage would be like if you could build it from scratch. Talk about how it really could be if everything you liked about it now was even better. Try to visualize the picture in your mind. Share that dream, and then work toward it together.” We pray you will.

God Bless,
Cindy and Steve Wright

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