Comments on: What good advice have you received that has helped your marriage?

By: Cindy Wright

Cindy Wright — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 16:58:49 +0000

I’m so sorry you are going through such a painful time in your marriage. There is hardly any other situation that could be worse, than to find out that your spouse that you have loved so much, would betray you in this way! My heart grieves for the pain you must be feeling. If there was a way to take this hurt away from you, I would. I’m so sorry.

As much as I would like to help you, the best we can do for you is to encourage you to pray, pour out your heart to God (He knows very well what it is like to be betrayed) and to do all you can to reach for healing and help with this. You will feel overwhelmed and confused and so very hurt, but do all you can to try to reach out to healthy resources for the help you will need in the days, months, and years ahead.

We have a lot of articles posted on our web site along with recommended resources and web sites that might be able to help you further. Please take advantage of all that we make available. We have found that it has helped a LOT of people who have also experienced this horrific ordeal.

This will be a long painful journey for you. I’m so sorry that you, as the victim, have to walk it. I pray the Lord ministers to your hurts as you give them to Him. I pray He gives you strength, and wisdom, and counsel as you need it. The Holy Spirit is our Wonderful Counselor. Lean upon Him (as we’re told to do in Proverbs 3:5) and not upon your own understanding in this. And work to fight against bitterness with all of your might or it will devour who you are. (The section we have on our web site on “Bitterness and Forgiveness” could possibly help with this.) Don’t allow bitterness to take you captive. Keep fighting against allowing it to imprison you. It will rob you of future joy that you will one day experience again (even though you may not think it is possible at this point).

If you can find a godly counselor or woman to help you through this time, that would, I’m sure, help you greatly. You have a lot of tough decisions to make in your future — both personally and in your marriage. I pray you will make them with the wisdom and healthy discernment of the Lord.

Please know that our prayers are with you as we grieve for you and believe for you that you will somehow survive this horrible betrayal.

By: Getrude

Getrude — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 09:43:00 +0000

(ZAMBIA) Need your help going through the betrayal by husband

By: LYNDA

LYNDA — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 18:55:45 +0000

(UGANDA) This website has really really helped me and I have told many of my married friends about it. What really inspires me are the weekly messages to reflect upon. To be precise, the romantic ideas shared are very helpful especially when I think I have run out of what to keep the fire burning in my marriage, especially with a husband who is very busy. My biggest challenge now is to balance work, studies, children and husband but I’m praying about it and I know my God will not fail me. Thank you.

By: Gillian

Gillian — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:46:17 +0000

(SA) My husband and I have hit many rocky patches- we have learned a few home thrushes- the grass is definitely not greener on the other side. Communication is what makes or breaks a relationship and love is stronger than any thing else. It just has to be worked on- just like a vintage motor car!!! You also need the most important ingredient- GOD

By: Shirmy

Shirmy — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 13:32:32 +0000

(SOUTH AFRICA) Things were a bit hectic in my marriage. That was before God intervened and made us one again.

Never listen to other people speaking negatives about their spouses, it tends to influence you in some way that you start seeing the negatives in your spouse as well. Focus on the many positive attributes, rather than the few negatives.

By: Ryan

Ryan — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 20:39:43 +0000

(UNITED STATES) Comparing your marriage with others is not wise. Comparing your spouse with someone else that might not do the negative things he/she does is not wise. That other someone has negative things to them as well. We are all sinners saved by grace.

Realizing that conflict is inevitable, and handling it properly when it comes. Focus on the good, not the bad. Dying to self for your spouse. Pray, pray, pray. Trust in the Lord.

By: Rene

Rene — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 16:19:53 +0000

(SOUTH AFRICA) Often the lessons contained in the messages are like a "double-edged sword" cutting straight through to the "heart", yet setting the captive free.
Other times, I have deliberately ignored the messages in my inbox, because I know that what I will read in them will be the truth, and in moments of anger towards my spouse, I don’t always want to hear what I know is true. However, it is refreshing to come back once the dust has settled and measure how well I have handled the situation.

By: Hellen

Hellen — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 14:00:15 +0000

(AFRICA) 1. Consider yourselves partners in all areas of life… wow! 2. If your spouse doesn’t want to be considerate, it doesn’t mean that you have to be less considerate and lower the standards that God wants to us all to keep in mind. My greatest challenge is that my husband works and lives 250km away. Communication is a problem I try to do a schedule of everything I do for us to do discuss when he comes! Thank you Cindy and Steve!

By: Hellen

Hellen — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 13:27:24 +0000

(ZIMBABWE) 1. Consider yourselves partners in all areas of life… wow! 2. If your spouse doesn’t want to be considerate, it doesn’t mean that you have to be less considerate and lower the standards. God wants to us all to keep in mind.

God is working within me to consider ourselves as partners. He works in a different town about 200km from where I stay; with its own problems of communication as the telephones are always down. He sometimes comes home for the weekend and with the very little time we have, we visit family and friends, leaving me not much time with him as I have to do his laundry and other duties. we are still an empty nest, but God willing it will be full!

BUT , through the first message, I have started writing letters. Though it takes long at least I am happy. I brief him on many things and mostly what would have happened at work or on my way home.

Then second, I will continue raising the standards! I love him and I will keep praying that he will be more considerate.

By: Sheree

Sheree — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 07:49:56 +0000

(SOUTH AFRICA) We were still newlyweds and I was pregnant at the time, we had spent a lot of money on our wedding and were still paying off loans. My husband would always talk about buying computers, nice new car or buy anything to expensive. I would get very upset and tell him to rather save money so we can buy baby stuff. I got worse and it really started to effect me. Luckily we were still getting marriage counselling and our Pastor explained to me that men are conquerors and will always strive for the best for his family. He’s still reasonable and wont buy stuff now when he knows we don’t have the money. But I should not shoot down his dreams. Now when my hubby says, let’s buy a car like that, I’d just say, “Soon Babes, soon.”

By: Bernie

Bernie — Sun, 25 Nov 2007 20:26:01 +0000

(SOUTH AFRICA) There are so many things that I have read and applied in our marriage that have lead to a far happier and more fulfilling relationship that it would be impossible to single any one item out for mention.

By: JAMES AND BEATRICE KARIUKI

JAMES AND BEATRICE KARIUKI — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 13:50:28 +0000

(KENYA) My wife Beatrice discovered and introduced me to this Website before we got married. We now have been married for 4 weeks and I cannot exhaustively narrate how useful this site has been in our courtship and in our new life in marriage. We both find time on a daily basis to read and practice what we read marriagemissions. God bless you so much Steve and Cindy

By: Debra

Debra — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 17:43:40 +0000

(USA) Looking at my husband as my partner, my team mate, inspires me to work “together” with him, walk arm in arm with him as we travel the path of life together, make eye contact with him, pray for him, learn his desires that aid in his internal security and strength and encourage him along those lines. We are in this together.

By: Kristine

Kristine — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 21:34:57 +0000

(USA) My father once told me that love — real love — is an act of will, not based on a feeling. Many times I have looked at my husband (as I’m sure he has looked at me) and said to myself “I WILL love you” when I’ve felt it the least. For me it’s always a powerful reminder that we can be the master of our feelings and not to let emotion alone control our actions.

By: MUVHANGO

MUVHANGO — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 16:10:00 +0000

(SOUTH AFRICA) The Message titled “Do not Demand Forgiveness” has done wonders for me and my hubby. We both just thought a “sorry” would fix it all same time. This message helped us to realize that if I am the partner in the wrong, I must be patient, understanding, and humble enough to give time to my hubby to find it in his heart to forgive me. The same applies to him. I am truly grateful for this message and other messages too.

By: Emily

Emily — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 00:11:15 +0000

(AUSTRALIA) That marriage is a commission from God that which will inevitably provoke spiritual attack. Jesus’ commission to actively strive to be a godly spouse is so important that only His commission to love and serve the One True God is above it (Matt 22:36-39). God is for your marriage, therefore Satan is against it. Make a commitment with your spouse that you shall always strive to fight against evil, and not each other (Ephesians 6:11-13). Finally, to offer up your marriage for the Glory of God and the fulfilment of His Holy Purposes and He will bless you and protect you (Psalm 91).

By: Agnes

Agnes — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 10:43:03 +0000

(ZIMBABWE) Whenever you are facing a tough time, talk to God. He will listen, and you will find comfort and solace through his word. Telling people will only get sympathy from them, but when you go down on your knees and cry out to God, you can be assured that the situation is now under control. GOD BLESS YOU

By: James

James — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 09:46:07 +0000

(ZIMBABWE) I was greatly inspired by your message #241-LOVE COVERS MANY IMPERFECTIONS. In this message you cited one couple, Gary and Karolyn, where the wife was a drawer opener. This message changed my marriage for good. My wife was and is still a handbag opener. The difference now is it no longer bothers me when I see her handbag open. It’s now part of my daily activity to just close the zippers and fasteners. Thank you so much for your ministry. May GOD richly bless you.

By: LT

LT — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 18:42:18 +0000

(USA) Hi Mary, These are wonderful words that you have shared! May God continue to bless you in your marriage. It is hard but eventually you will both get there. The Bible says that the unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the believing wife! (I Corinthians 7:14) That is already happening in your marriage, according to what you say. This is wonderful. To God be the glory! With love and prayers, LT

By: Mary

Mary — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 09:58:37 +0000

(ZAMBIA) I had lost hope especially that my husband and I could not even communicate well. He is a non-believer and I just got saved. By reading some of the advice on good communication and to avoid divorce, I can assure you there is life after all the hurt. I have learned to love him despite his imperfections instead of comparing him to some of my work colleagues. I am giving him all the respect he deserves as a husband. Though he is not saying it, I can see some change in him. He has been learning to communicate. To those who are trying to leave their spouses, don’t! You can choose to see the good in them and only God can change them.

By: Brian

Brian — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 17:20:59 +0000

(US) Fight naked.