You have no idea what it is like to be married to man who seeks his intimacy from computers, pictures, DVDs and magazines. You say you understand but yet are able to just continue living in the darkness pornography provides… with evey picture and movie you view, you are pushing yourself further and further away from your wife. You are choosing porn over a loving relationship with the person God has placed you with for a life time, and you continue to do so by choice.

What your wife needs from you is for you to show her that what you have and are doing is wrong, take responsibility for your actions, for the pain you’ve caused her and continue to cause her with your addiction, and for choosing your pornographic life over a life with her. It’s very easy for an addict to place blame on their spouse, but your actions have nothing to do with your wife, yet she too suffers the consequence of those actions.

I realise I know nothing about you and your life, but I know a sex addict, I’m married to one and his actions nearly destroyed us. Only when my husband got the strength and courage to accept that his addiction was killing him and us, destroying every good part of him and more importantly completely destroying his relationship with God. We’ve both had to make huge changes to ensure that we were able to meet eachother half way and start healing a marriage destroyed by sexual addiction, and I know that this addiction does not have to destroy a marriage because there is help and support for both husbands and wives… but the husband MUST want to change and stop his addictive cycles.

I have a support group for wives of sex addicts at http://www.healingheartsclub.co.uk, there is also a link to it on the resource section on here, should your wife need support from other women in the same situation then I’d love to help wherever possible. I have also included helpful links for husbands and can connect you with other husband who can be a great support to you should you choose to allow light to flow through your darkness. Caroline

I’ve been married for three years, soon to be four. My wife and I just had sex a week ago for the first time in nearly a year. I was being shot down left and right and I’ll admit I turned to porn for fulfillment.

My wife won’t ever wear lingerie for me. Her "boudoir" that she bought prior to the wedding has only been donned maybe three times each and she has three pieces.

"It’s too hot in the summer, it’s too cold in the winter, I feel like I’ll slide out of bed" are her excuses. I love seeing her in sexy attire but she never wears them for me. She occasionally wears skirts and stockings for work but then immediately takes them off when she comes home and puts on sweats. I’d love to ogle her body but she will not let me.