Marriage is two people traveling together, each one more concerned with the other’s well-being than with his or her own. (J. L. Hardesty)

This week as we celebrated our 32nd wedding anniversary we’ve been reflecting back on all the “traveling” we’ve done together through the good times as well as the bad. It’s not just what we’ve lived through that’s been important but what we’ve “learned” through and gained as a result that has the most meaning.

What we’ve learned is that as we “trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding” God HAS “directed (and straightened) our paths” and has helped us to keep the promises we made to each other on our wedding day so many years ago. And for that we can’t thank God enough.

We haven’t always enjoyed the journey’s God has taken us on or allowed us to stumble into but as we’ve lifted our eyes to Him for guidance, what we’ve learned and are learning is priceless. It’s one of the reasons we feel so compelled to reach out to others who are struggling in their married lives because of all God has and is doing to help us in our own marriage.

We are truly blessed and want to pass the blessings on to others so they’ll also experience, along with us, the richness of watching as God unravels the knots in all of our lives and blesses us in ways beyond words or reason.

As we work (and sometimes it’s more of a struggle) to keep the heart of Christ in the center of our marriage despite our willful bent to be more self-centered rather than Christ-centered, and put the needs of our spouse before our own, we have never been or will ever in the future cease to be amazed at the grace of God in action.

Last week I (Cindy) told part of what God has helped us to “learn through” as we’ve dealt with illness (along with other things) in our marriage. It was our intention this week to further share testimonies of others who have also struggled within their marriages with illness, but God has directed us to go about it a bit differently this time.

There’s a book entitled, “For Better, For Worse” which is compiled and edited by Marlene Bagnull. In it, she takes each part of the wedding vows (”To Have and to Hold, For Better or for Worse, For Richer, or for Poorer, In Sickness and in Health, Forsaking All Others, To Love and to Cherish, Till Death Do Us Part”) and fills each chapter with true life testimonies of married couples who have and are “choosing to live out the vows they made on their wedding days.”

As someone said of the book, “it’s a heart-stirring reminder that even in the hard times new depths of married love can be discovered when we look to the author of Love Himself.”

We felt compelled to put the testimonials we were going to share this week (from the book mentioned above) into an article for everyone to read on our web site. We’re also hoping you’ll read other helpful articles as well that we’ve been putting up on the web site (and that you’ll direct others to them also). And then check back from time to time as we’ll be continually including more helpful information to strengthen and enrich marriages.

But for this message we’d like to share something that the editor of the book, “For Better, For Worse,” Marlene Bagnull said which we think is so true and really goes together with last week’s message and this week’s reflections on what we’ve “learned through.” When referring to “people who are choosing to live out the vows they made on their wedding days”, she said, “Their choices, same as ours, aren’t always easy. The temptation to put our own spin on the promises we made is always present.”

• To the promise to: “Have and to hold” we add: “and to control.”
• To the promise: “For better or worse” we add: “as long as there’s more better than worse.”
• To the promise: “For richer or poorer” we add: “but love doesn’t pay the bills!”
• To the promise: “In sickness and health” we add: “but I didn’t sign on to be a doctor or nurse.”
• To the promise: “Forsaking all others” we add: “but can’t I at least look?”
• To the promise: “To love and to cherish” we add: “when that’s how my mate treats me!”
• To the promise: “Till death do us part” we add: “You mean there’s no escape clause?”

Marlene says further:

Today some couples do write their own vows, but the key word, commitment, may not be included or taken seriously. After all, we live in a free country and we have a “right” to be happy. But marriage is about so much more than “living happily ever after.”

Some of the most special memories Paul and I share are not of “happy” times but of tough times when it was only our love for each other—and God’s love for us—that enabled us to go through and grow through problems we would have preferred to avoid.

Our marriage is stronger because we’ve chosen to live out the commitment we made on our wedding day and to face—together—the “challenges and opportunities” (as a friend encouraged us to view them) that are a part of life.

God promises that “nothing… is ever wasted” (1 Corinthians 15:58, TLB) and that “all that happens to us is working for our good if we love God and are fitting into His plans” (Romans 8:28, TLB). And remember, God “speaks no careless word” (Psalm 12:6, TLB)!

But God’s plan is more than for married couples to simply endure “till death do us part.” He longs for each husband and wife to know the joy of being cherished by their mate—not just some days, but every day.

Marlene Bagnull closes her thoughts by saying this (which is also the prayer of our hearts):

“And may we all be encouraged to strengthen our commitments to one another and to the Lord so that He may be able to point to us and say, ‘See how they love one another’!”

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35).

In closing this is our prayer for you, “May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, to Whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen” (Hebrews 13:20-21).

May God bless you!
Steve and Cindy Wright