Is sex before marriage always out? I know we like this rule for teenagers, and young people who aren’t ready to have kids, of course that make sense us.
• But what about adults who are more mature, and are responsible?
• How about a Christian couple who are in love with the Lord and each other?
• How about if the sex in done in love and a nice positive setting?
• How about if it is only done occasionally and not abused?
• How about if it was a positive experience for both parties?
These are questions that were asked and posted, along with some answers and additional comments from other contributors on the web site at www.growthtrac.com.
To read what they have posted, we’ll send you right to their web site.
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Also, what does the Bible say about engaging in sex before marriage?
The web site, Got Questions.org can give you insights into that question. To read what they have found, please click onto the link below to read:
• What Does the Bible Say About Sex Before Marriage/Premarital Sex?
Some additional articles that you may find helpful can be found on other web sites. To read what they have posted, please click onto the links provided below:
• IS IT OK FOR CHRISTIANS TO ENGAGE IN PREMARITAL SEX?
• SOME GOOD REASONS TO SAVE SEX FOR MARRIAGE
• PHYSICAL INTIMACY AND THE SINGLE MAN
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(USA) Like so many people, I had sex before I was married. I have to say that that decision is by far the one I regret the most. I’m 36 years old, and have had plenty of opportunity to screw up, but that’s the one I count as my greatest fall.
I didn’t get an STD, and I got no one pregnant, so you’d think I had a good time with no consequences. At first it seemed that way. I didn’t know Jesus, although I still knew it was wrong. Over the years I’ve found that I gave away the greatest gift I could have ever given my wife.
Because I know Jesus now, I no longer live with the guilt of my decision, but there are still consequences. I know my physical relationship with my wife isn’t all that it could be, and I’m positive my poor decision has played a large roll in that. I wonder what might have been, and that’s a sad thing.
Sex before marriage is just one way we sin against God. Our culture says there’s no reason to wait for anything, especially for direction from God! But, waiting on God is a very rewarding thing, so wait on Him.
Also, don’t forget that God is merciful and faithful to forgive our sins if we confess before Him. So, if you’ve already sinned in this area, stop, and ask His forgiveness, and then wait for your wedding day. You’ll be glad you did, and I have no doubt God will bless your marriage for it.
(USA) It’s such a relief for me to read Brian’s comments! I, like most of my people of Nigerian origin, had been under the impression that all Americans believe in sex before marriage. . .and coming from a man, it is really heart-warming! Most cultures of the world place great premium on purity and virginity before marriage and as such marriage is often associated with complex rites. They all cannot be wrong, but above all, if we say we are Christians, then we must not simply pay lip service to our beliefs, but follow the tenets of our faith as indeed the Holy Bible has spelled out – the Bible is unambiguous about it; our challenge in the present time is to make it "cool" and get the media to promote it. Good luck world!
(SWAZILAND) Hey Brian, wishing there would be more Americans who can come out to declare that sex before marriage is sin. The problem the world like ours has is that we get to know about America only through Hollywood where sex before marriage is not a sensitive issue. Unfortunately as a young man I have learned the influence that these movies have on a teen to an extent that they begin to copy what they have seen in the movies thinking it’s real. Press on Bro. May God enrich you with His mercies and wisdom in this topic.
(AUSTRALIA) I am an Aussie teenager. I do not feel that you need to be married before sex… In the Bible people were much younger than I getting married and living together. I do however believe that there should be a certain commitment between the two people in love. The confusing thing is that ‘Love’ has become such an easy word to throw around. Why is there so much more discrepancy for the word ‘Hate’ then? Marriage is the ultimate proof of that commitment… That is why sex should come after marriage, if I could marry the girl I am with now, I would.
But I am still in school and law does not allow this union for a few years. I too threw away this ‘gift’ when I was younger. Still an idiot. I was old enough to know better, but young enough not to care… This girl I did not enough love. I regret my actions and wish I had waited.
I still cannot accept this of myself. I deny it happened still and lock it away in my past. Understand that if you do seek to give up this gift, let it be with someone you love and have an honest commitment with. Ensure that they feel the same way… Marriage is this assurance that you both are prepared for the same committed love to each other. (Sorry if I seem contradictory to myself… This is also the first time I have commented on the internet, any feedback would be appreciated as I hope this first time experience may leave me with more pleasant memories)
If you care to write any questions, I will gladly respond via this site. I aim to give hope for my generation… We are not bad people, we are lost, Few of us are bad, but there is much good in many of us!
(KUWAIT) I do not relate sex to marriage. I feel it has to be related to Love, but yes with the mentality of the way people think, marriage is the only binding force that keeps two people together.
I did make the mistake of giving myself to someone that was only looking out for sex. Crazy that I was, I totally love him. We started out as chat friends from where we made love via our talks. Soon there came a time for our first meeting and as the night drew close I just wanted him to hold me and love me like there was no one. I gave myself totally to him. For me that was love without any inhibitions and most sacred as it can be.
Sadly I shut out the voice in my head telling me this is just too good to be true. We made love and I never felt so much more wanted. I did this every time he wanted me to. When people asked me if there was a commitment in this relation and how could I give myself to a person on the first meeting, I just had one answer. Love has not boundaries and limits. Him saying he loves me all the time is a commitment in itself. But soon this bubble burst. I realized I was not the only one in his life. Fool that I was, I believed everything he said without even trying to find out if there was any truth.
Now I am at a place where I have severed all ties with him. Feeling used is a very very mild way to put it. In this scenario, if marriage was there, none of this would have happened. Sex emotionally binds you to the person and when it hurts, you just wish you could rip your heart coz it really, really hurts.
Yes sex is important and it increases your love but if it goes wrong, the hatred and guilt surely kills you. GO for it only if you feel you are rid of any emotions.
For me: I still love him and always will coz I believe if I want him, God will get him to me, not for revenge, Only for LOVE!!!!
(ZIMBABWE) I am one person that truly believed in no sex before marriage and for some time I did try to stand by it. I did manage though to keep myself pure for some time but I really do regret ever having had sex before marriage. I met a guy that I thought knew what I believed and seemed to respect that. He did wait for a very long time not knowing that this guy was a pro in the game.
While I thought he respected me and my way of thinking, he was busy plotting how to get me to bed with him. He had other ladies of the night take care of his sexual needs. He waited over a year and after that asked for my hand in marriage but before that could happen he asked if I could finally have make love to him to show my commitment. Yes, I fell for his trick because now a date had been set for the traditional wedding but little did I know that for him it was the usual.
Soon after I slept with him, this guy just started disappearing bit by bit until he finally said that his finances were not looking good and he couldn’t perform the traditional marriage of paying the bride price as in our culture. I did finally find out some of the things he did in the past and those that he had been trying to hide from me. I thank God I didn’t end up getting married to such a loser. But everyday of my life I regret having had sex with him before marriage. Right now I am married to someone else that now truly loves God but I still have visions of me having sex with the other guy.
It’s true, there will always be moments that the thoughts will crowd up your mind and sometimes you see flaws in your partners’ kissing because you have kissed someone else before. I pray that someday it will come to an end but let me tell you that it’s true that there is no condom for the heart. I am here to tell you it’s better to wait than waste yourself away before marriage.
Even in my current marriage we started off on a wrong note because we slept together before we got married but soon afterward I had to let this guy know that yes, I had slept with him but it was wrong and if he still expected that from me then it’s better we part ways because I now wanted to commit myself to the Lord.
At first he didn’t understand but after some time he came back and said he respected me for that because no one has ever dared to go that far. We soon got married but know I also see that the way we used to have sex then is totally different than now. It’s true that you have put kids to bed first and all. Please guys talking from experience I would not want want anyone going through the same. Regardless of what some say or promise, wait till you marry. You will notice the difference.
God Bless and thanks for a lovely website.
(INDIA) I did have sex with a man in my college days. I felt I was very lucky to have him; I was so committed that I could even die for him. I struggled with my parents and really wanted to marry him. I even fought with my father for marriage.
But soon my friends told me that he is having relations with other girls. I never believed in those words until I found him with a girl sitting beside him. I felt very alone and came without talking to him with a lot of tears and anger for him.
I realize he is a big cheater… he never called me or even explained why he was with her. I married a different person soon after hoping to forget him. But whenever my husband touches me I feel like it was so bad.
I went for many years, but finally last year I got a note saying, “how are you?” from my lover. He is married to a good looking girl, and has a kid. Also, he is happy but I am suffering with his sickness.
(NEPAL) Hey anonymous how are you doing? First of all, you did good and don’t feel bad when your husband touches you, because it was your past. And now just watch your present for the future. Just think of the someone (your husband) who loves you so much. How could you hurt him and his innocence by re-falling for your past lover?
Ok, the thought comes to mind: why are you attracted to your ex-betraying lover and his sincerity and hardness for your family, so much more than your husband’s caring love?
So think as a human and try to love the one who loves you and is thinking of you now that you are their whole world, rather than the one who is in your past. If anything is wrong in that, then forgive me… ok take care…
(USA) Anonymous, I agree with Kail. Your past is your past. I am reminded of Philippians 3:13-14, where it says, “Not that I have already obtained this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that which Christ Jesus took hold of me. I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
Too many people are looking backward too much. They want to re-write their past and lift out any mistakes they may THINK they have made and relive them to go on a different path. But when we do this by getting re-involved with past relationships, ESPECIALLY when we are intertwined in marriage, we are on the wrong path. Too much has gone on since then. You complicate and hurt too many people who are now in your life — as well as hurting the cause of Christ.
Put your eyes forward to your present path… don’t dwell on the past. Press toward the prize GOD has for you by reaching for righteousness — not being involved with a past lover. Whether he cheated on you or didn’t (although it sounds like he may have, and now is cheating again on his wife and child by contacting you — which he shouldn’t do)– whether he may have been “right” for you or not, isn’t the point… he isn’t now. You have a husband; he has a family; don’t mess that up. Don’t even put a toe in that door. You are swinging open a door of temptation that has very grave consequences to many innocent people. You are playing with fire and many can be burned as a result. Slam shut that door!
Be a lover to your husband. Love him as Christ. Love him as a wife should — whether you had a past or not. Leave the past in the past and “press on”…
Whether you married the man who is now your husband for the wrong reasons or the right reasons… the fact is that you DID marry him. Don’t look behind, but rather ahead at BEING the right person. Ask God to teach you how to love as He does.
Please realize that we can romanticize the past and put a different spin on it than it really was. When present troubles come up, we can look back and live in the “what ifs” and drive ourselves crazy and do a lot of wrong thinking and living. Look at the people of Israel when God used Moses to deliver them from the Egyptians. When trouble came upon them, or when things weren’t going as they thought they should, they cried about what they THOUGHT they lost in Egypt — which wasn’t a real picture at all. Their minds played tricks with them. I believe your mind is playing tricks on you — and you are entertaining the enemy of our faith by allowing all these doubts to creep in and cause havoc.
I hop that you will not allow your mind to drive you in directions you should no longer go. Read Philippians 4:8-9 and go with God on this. I pray you will!
(ZIMBABWE) I searched for this website because a lot has happened in my past. I lost my virginity when I was 18. I didn’t know what it meant to have sex at that time and the consequences attached to it. The relationship was high school puppy love and I thought this guy was my whole world but little did I know that by having sex I had killed the passion.
Well, I managed to move on then started a relationship with a much older guy. I told myself I had to save myself from a heartbreak by not having sex again. He respected me for the decisions I had made but after one year of dating I slept with him. I regretted this act but every time I would find myself doing it no matter how much I told myself that I was going to stop. Now the problem is, I don’t love this guy anymore although he wants us to be together and has asked for my hand in marriage.
I have learnt that the biggest mistake that one can make is anticipating that they are so much in love with someone that they think they are going to be married to that person and for that they have sex before they get married. I no longer love this guy that I’ve been dating for years and I don’t know what to do. I need help.
(ZIMBABWE) I did fall in love, which was good. We had electrifying sex and excellent as you may imagine, and that bound us even more when we got maried and we still having sex. So have sex only when you are sure of the person.
(UNITED STATES) How can you be sure of that person? Love is not a feeling, Love is an action and it is not about having sex or the feeling from it. Love is a choice you make daily. If you can fall in love, then you will be able to fall out of it, if you think of it in that sense. I am pretty sure God knows what He is talking about in regards to our sexuality, when to abstain from it and to give it only to whom you have married.