25 comments so far ↓

• 1 Tom // Oct 1, 2007 at 2:01 am

  Firstly I would ask the person planning to marry to pray for guidance in choosing the right partner. He/she must be mature and ready to marry and must have a good reason for marrying. I am saying this because most people these days are driven by pressure from either friends, parents, environment or sometimes material needs other than love (Godly).

  I would also advise him/her to know that one must be ready to give up himself and be ready to accommodate the other partner’s way of thinking. In fact there must be a give and take attitude for both partners to be attuned to one another. If you are aware of this then some unnecessary issues that brings unhappiness can be avoided.

  I have come to realize that sometimes parents in laws are also materials of unhappiness in most marriages so partners need to work out how, with all the respect, to handle the parents and in laws. I believe the order of responsibility for a happy marriage should be God first, husband and wife second and the rest come third.

• 2 Chantel // Oct 2, 2007 at 11:59 pm

  (South Africa) I would say that the couple should first and foremost trust God in everything, make God the centre of their universe, the foundation of their marriage, commit totally and wholly unto God before committing to each other. Comprise and understanding is also very important, listen more than speak. Marriage is not an easy road, it’s the world of two people becoming “one”. It may take time to adjust but once you do, it is beautiful. Respect each other, honour each other’s feelings, be faithful in all that you do, by doing this you are honouring God. And lastly “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you”

• 3 Tambu // Oct 3, 2007 at 8:36 am

  (South Africa) If you are planning on getting married, I would strongly urge you to seek the heart of God in your choice of a partner (if you haven’t already done so). We give our lives to God and we let Him guide our decisions in everything we do, yet we often think that choosing a spouse is up to us because we are the ones that will need to live with him/her. Think of it this way: If God knows every hair on our head, surely he also knows what kind of person would make the best spouse for us? I urge you to honour God by seeking His approval and guidance before committing yourself in that beautiful covenant of marriage.

  Once you have sought God’s guidance, begin to pray into your future spouse’s life. Start holding him/her up in prayer, committing him/her to the Lord’s guidance and protection regularly. This will help to unlock God’s power in his/her life and it will also help to strengthen your relationship.

• 4 Joy // Oct 7, 2007 at 5:09 am

  (US) One of the best things my husband insisted that we do is continue with our Friday night date night. It was a commitment to each other we didn’t break for at least eight years into our marriage and our second child arrived. We took a break from our day to day responsiblities and just had fun together. It might have been a movie and dinner or it might have been a walk at my favorite park. It gave us something exciting to look forward to, and gave us wealth of good memories to draw from when times weren’t as good.

• 5 Sonia // Oct 8, 2007 at 5:41 am

  (Arizona, USA) I have been married for over 26 years and I just heard this last week from Pastors Paul and Patti Endrei (Church on the Rise out of the Cleveland, OH area, who were visiting our church). It made great sense. Pastor Paul said, “the Devil’s plan of attack changes ON YOUR WEDDING DAY!” Before your wedding day The Devil says: Have sex, it’s great, everybody does it, no one will know, it’s ok. Then you experience THE BIG DAY. From that day on, the Devil says: see it’s not that great, that other person would be better, why even bother - your spouse won’t be pleased, self-gratification is better, etc.

  Everyone knows that is not God’s plan. God says to keep the marriage bed holy. The 10 commandments say no fornicating, no adultery. Pastor Paul said: Sex in marriage is spiritual warfare! My interpretation: STOMP ON THE DEVIL’S HEAD BY NOT HAVING SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE then… STOMP ON THE DEVIL’S HEAD BY HAVING SEX AFTER MARRIAGE. We win because of Christ!

• 6 Penny // Oct 8, 2007 at 9:25 am

  (America) I would tell them before getting married they need to first seek Godly counsel. And to make sure that it is someone who has a passion for Marriage Ministry in particular or family values. I would encourage them to be aware of the unseen generational patterns that him or her may be bringing into the union, recognize that they are not each others enemies, but that they are made to compliment , enhance and help one another to reach their full potential. I would encourage them to pray together and to always remember to put the proper hedges around their marriage. Lastly, I believe it is a good idea to have a marriage ministry that you can always submit your marriage too.

  I lo………ve your ministry it provides soo-o-o-o-o much needed information. I have been truly blessed. My husband and I have a marriage ministry that is now growing. We have a desire to reach the masses, as well. Our marriage was healed 14 years ago and because of that we are commissioned to give out what God has given to us, restoration through the power of His word and His spirit and the word of our testimony. We have been married for 21 years. Thank you for your faithfulness and your work is not in vain!!!!

• 7 Pam // Oct 9, 2007 at 4:49 pm

  (South Carolina, USA). I believe that people get married today because they are “in love.” They get very tied up in the emotion of the relationship and believe they have, at long last, found “the one.” However, in my opinion, marriage is not about love. Yes, you must love your soon-to-be-spouse, but bigger than that - marriage is about commitment. The love will change over time as life events change and shape the individual. There will be times when you will “love” your spouse and there will be times when you’re not sure you even “like” your spouse. But through all of those times — the good and the bad — you stay committed to the spouse and to the success of the relationship. As you walk down the aisle, remember that although you’re saying “I do,” what you really mean is “I will.” If both partners are truly committed to the relationship, then love will surely follow.

• 8 Janet // Oct 10, 2007 at 5:45 am

  My sincere advice to anyone contemplating marriage is - “Don’t get married!!!” It’s not worth the trouble or the heartache and pain that it comes with, not to mention the added stress of running a home!

• 9 Doreen // Oct 11, 2007 at 11:51 pm

  (Bulawayo, Zimbabwe) l would tell them to continue dating each other just as they were doing. Have time to listen to what the other is saying; pray together even holding hands; attend couples meeting/parties/church services together; read the word of God together and discuss overall. Do most things together not allowing the other to feel left out/lonely.

• 10 Barbara // Oct 12, 2007 at 3:43 am

  From my little experience having been married for 8 years, marriage is a holy institution designed by God. Just as painful and wonderful as it is to deliver a baby, so it is in marriage. Full of love, sense of belonging, its warmth comfort and a season of pain and hurt. Intending to get married? It’s an issue that goes beyond the couple. It involves both families, friends from both sides and the community you live in.

  Before you say I DO! the two of you need to agree on how you will handle what comes with the institution; in-laws, work, recreation, budgets, income, different crisis, child bearing and rearing, and generally your expectations from each other and how to handle any breach of this. Firstly, love one another. When you say I DO, get committed and take your already agreed on responsibilities. Where there are misunderstandings, resolve them within the shortest possible time. If the two of you fail, as a couple, agree and identify who can help. With this full package, married should be enjoyed and not endured!

• 11 m.r. // Oct 12, 2007 at 1:14 pm

  don’t do it.

• 12 Tom R // Oct 14, 2007 at 9:35 pm

  I would tell the person wanting to get married to pray that GOD will help him/her make the decision.

  Makesure not to look at outward appearance it may be dececiving ask GOD to help you look at the heart.

  Dont worry about what people will say about your decision as they wont leave with the one you choose to marry.

• 13 Chris // Oct 15, 2007 at 5:44 am

  Planing to marry? Take your time! You have to get to know, really know this person… Only time can show you what he/she is made of, believes, values, etc. Rushing into marriage can be the kiss of death.

• 14 Rudo Mazikana // Oct 17, 2007 at 12:28 am

  (Zimbabwe) I would advice that: 1. Communication is important 2. Learn to be humble and accept when you make mistake 3. Do not try to change the other person. But try an accept the other person the way he or she is otherwise you might conclude that your partner is stubborn 4.When your partner is angry, leave him/her to cool down even if you are not the one who is wrong. 5. When you quarrel, try and make up knowing that you take it as a steppingstone to the revival of your relationship 6.Money will never suite and be enough in marriage. Above all prayer makes it all for them and should seek God’s guidance in every situation.

• 15 Maureen // Oct 17, 2007 at 11:00 pm

  I am from South Africa where there are so many different cultures. Be tolerant of each other. When two people from different backgrounds unite there is bound to be conflict. You were raised in different homes, with different values and different goals. Give each other space to be their own person.

• 16 Kim // Oct 18, 2007 at 2:37 pm

  When children arrive don’t forget your husband. Go on the date night, plan sex, and always pray for and with each other. And remember, never talk bad about your mate especially to other family members.

• 17 Sinqobile(UK) // Oct 21, 2007 at 3:24 pm

  It is very important for couples to get to know each other before they get married. l know some people would say everyday you see something new in your partner but knowing the basics and then making the decision of braving it for better or worse is better. Above all loving the person for what he is would help you to see things with a different eye when you argue.

• 18 J // Oct 25, 2007 at 12:03 am

  (Fiji Islands) You are planning to get married and when you do, you need to remember that when you get married, you leave your immediate family behind and you will be starting a new family with your spouse. Your spouse will become the number 1 priority in your life and not your mother, father, brother, sister or anybody else. I have seen too many marriages destroyed because of the influence of family!! Put your foot down right from the beginning and let your family know that your spouse is the number 1 priority in your life. I hope this helps. God bless.

• 19 Rebekah // Oct 25, 2007 at 11:57 am

  Make sure you seek Christian pre-marital counseling. Make it a special day by not allowing others to force you into making decisions you do not like.

• 20 Hulisani // Oct 31, 2007 at 7:44 am

  (SOUTH AFRICA) Marriage is FOREVER AND EVER, you don’t want to spent that long with someone you have doubts about;or someone who is the only person willing to marry you; or someone you got pregnant with; or some one you don’t like. Meaning you don’t like certain things about them and think they will change. Make no mistake, I’m sure you love them, that’s why you want to marry; but do you really like their personality? That is they way they talk for example.

  These little things that we undermine at first and think they will go away, are there to stay. And if you don’t deal with it they will become major irritations that make you resent your partner and thus open a gap for the enemy to sneak in bad thoughts and you’ll end up feeling like you are suffocating. And mostly you’ll hate being married. You’ll always wish you had married the person you liked more then the one you loved.

  Seek to LIKE and LOVE your partner, then even things that irritate others about your partner will seem funny to you.That is the bases of marriage, being able to enjoy each other’s company and resolve conflict as easy and quickly as possible; life’s fun…enjoy.

• 21 Linda // Oct 31, 2007 at 6:42 pm

  (USA) A good Godly marriage takes work. Every day, after 24 and 1/2 years of marriage I still remember the profound yet simple advise given us in our premarital counseling session with the Pastor who married us; “Treat your marriage like a garden. You have to pull the weeds everyday, or they’ll become trees. Then you have to bring in a back hoe to uproot them!” Deal with the little miscommunications and grievances while they are yet little. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Settle it before you go to sleep. Another good piece of advise or wisdom that I’ve learned is; submission begins where agreement ends. Wives let your husband have the final decision making “o.k.” You may agree to disagree respectfully, but succumb to his headship as unto Christ who is his head. Let Him deal with your husbands decision!

• 22 Agnes // Nov 1, 2007 at 1:59 pm

  (ZIMBABWE)  Invite Jesus into the marriage and listen to all he says like at the Wedding at Canna. Remember he will will give what you are short off. Decision in marriage are made by the two of you. Marriage is not a 50 - 50. In marriage you must be prepared to give 100%. Remember you receive what you give. If you give love you will receive love. Your spouse is a reflection of you.

• 23 Ray // Nov 1, 2007 at 11:25 pm

  (USA) Don’t settle. No matter what you love about someone, please please do not ever settle for someone who is kind, smart, good-looking, makes a ton of money, etc. I have come to conclusion that you can make the choice to take your chances and maybe change that one little thing that you don’t like. DON”T DO IT!!!
  God has made you for someone, and has made that one special someone for you. Look for them. Search for them. But most important, PRAY FOR THEM. I mean you need to thank God every day for that someone special. You need to thank Him and believe that in His timing He will bring you together. You can go out and meet, greet, and interact; but don’t settle. More of God’s people have made their lives a hell on earth because “I can make him/her quit” or “I can change him/her and then I’ll be happy.” BULL. God has a plan, or He doesn’t. That is the one and only thing you need to settle. Either God is, or God isn’t in charge and has control of our lives to His glory!!!!

• 24 Kristine // Nov 2, 2007 at 8:44 am

  (UNITED STATES) Ray, I agree with what you said about God will bring someone to you..Here is my dilemma. My boyfriend bought the Power of a Praying Wife for me for valentine’s. I was touched. He is going through a divorce from a marriage that only lasted a 1 1/2, then separated for one year. Note: he had been separated for a year before we started dating. He is a Christian and clearly learned a huge lesson about what went wrong in his marriage. I sometimes think about if God would present me with someone who isn’t yet officially divorced. Because we both have copies of this book, our relationship is great. Communication, understanding each others feelings and needs and not only understanding ourselves. I honestly think he is that special one. No settling here.

• 25 LT // Nov 4, 2007 at 1:49 pm

  (USA) To Ray - I absolutely LOVE what you wrote. So much, in fact, I think that I will send this to my younger sister (who is dating someone that is probably not the best person for her). Her relationship with God is not strong enough right now to see with more spiritual eyes but I know this message you have written comes from God’s Holy Spirit in you. And if I send this to her, that might be God’s way of stepping in where her faith is weak. I will say this - I wish I had read this before I started dating.

  I wish someone had told me this. I was a young Christian lady when I started dating but too new to the walk of faith to even have the concept of what you write about. Thank you!! And praise God for using you to write this here.

  To Kristine, Honey, God’s Spirit in me is really, really pressing me to write this to you. I believe you are in very dangerous ground here. In I Corinthians 7:10-11 it says that husbands and wives are NOT to divorce but if they do, they are to remain unmarried. Additionally, in Matt. 5:32, the bible (ie God) says that it is adultery to marry someone who is divorced. It says women, but I think it is fair to apply that to a divorced man or woman.

  My point is this: there are far, far too many Christians out there who are getting divorces and just going about their daily lives as though it is nothing. Divorce is the way of the world (ie, Satan), not God. If God’s own word says NOT to do it - how can all these “Christians” just keep getting divorces and not think anything of it? Marriage is to symbolize Christ’s (the husband) marriage to the church (the bride). Christ has not, nor ever will, divorce us. There are 2, and only 2, allowances for divorce : unfaithfulness/infidelity and if an unbeliever leaves (in which case the spouse is free from that bond, see I Corinthians 7, the whole chapter). If your boyfriend got divorced before he became a Christian, then he is not accountable for that and it’s a non-issue.

  If your boyfriend was a Christian when he got married and subsequently divorced, then he is violating God’s word if he remarries. And if you marry him, knowing all of this, are you violating God’s word, too? It is not for me to say. That is for you to seek in your own prayer life with Christ our savior. But, as a Christian, I would be remiss at not pointing this out.

  Kristine, please, please pray and make sure that the reason you think your boyfriend is for you, is coming from God and not your own fleshly heart. In reading your comments, I have to wonder.

  Satan has screwed up this world and messed up everyone’s perspectives on things (including Christians) so bad that it’s hard for anyone to see straight anymore.

  The fact is, we can’t see straight without the guidance and inner voice of God’s Holy Spirit in us. Make sure that is what you tap into before going further in your relationship. If your boyfriend divorced because someone was unfaithful or because his wife was an unbeliever, then it’s a non-issue. If not, however, you need to tread carefully and earnestly seek God before going further with this. You also need to read the wonderful articles here that talk about things you need to consider before marrying.

  The reason Ray’s comments spoke so directly to me is because I was that person who settled. I had barely begun my walk with God when I started dating and did so for selfish reasons. I didn’t seek God on guiding me to marriage. I endured 12 years of verbal and physical abuse from my husband, a Christian, because of that mistake. God ALWAYS had me in his sights. The fact is, because of my enduring abuse, I can now help other victims of the same tragedy. AND, it has certainly made me a stronger Christian because I always sought God (and I didn’t go to the world and use man’s police system or man’s court system or man’s way of divorce).

  God, not any of man’s institutions or therapists, changed my situation. God has now worked nothing less than a miracle in my life. My marriage is healed, for the most part, and I am walking a walk with Jesus, because of all this, that I never thought possible. But who is to say what my life would have been if I had known what Ray stated, before I got married, instead of afterwards.

  May God be with you both, Ray and Kristine, and any other Christian brothers and sisters who find themselves reading these comments, God bless