He wants me to spend Christmas with him and our children here at home. I told him I couldn’t pretend to be this happy family, and not have tension in the house with the children and grandkids there. I told him NO! He still goes next door and sees her. She talks to me and tells me over and over, that she doesn’t want a relationship with my husband, and that she tells him that nothing will ever go farther than just a friendship. He is jealous that she and I talk, knowing how he feels about her. He has become jealous of our children, our adult boys who talk to her, thinking there is something going on with her. He has become obsessed with her, and is now showing signs of being more possessive with her. She still continues too talk to him. She is a natural flirt, and a very caring individual. Heck, if I was a lesbian, I would be attracted to her.

I never knew, until 3 months ago that there was a problem with our marriage, other than normal things. He claims he has been feeling abanoned by me for 4 years, and that he has tried to tell me something was wrong. Well, I have been going through depression and have withdrawn from him to some degree. But we still made love and did things together, up until 3 months ago. He is ready to throw 20 years of marriage away, because he wants more in his life. He wants to get out and do more things and experience life.

However, he is willing to enter into a relationship with our friend, when she gives him the okay. She has 3 children under 18 years old. 2 of which are special needs children. She has no outside job, other than she makes crafts, and doesn’t go or do anything without her children. He is willing to be there for her and the children and to have a relationship with her. I know that even if anything did grow with them that it will not last, because they are too much alike. Very stubborn, she does things her way, and doesn’t like her toes stepped on. He steps on them.

The problem is I don’t want to end my marriage yet, and he is pushing me to sign dissoulution papers. I believe that I need to drag this out as long as I can tolerate it. Maybe he will snap out of it… Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

One day on when I was driving her to work she asked me for a separation agreement where we could “live together but be separated.” I thought it was a bizarre request (we have two kids) so I thought it was for the kids but then told her my experience is that when someone asks for this they usually have someone else in mind. I asked her, who? She did not deny or confirm it. Then I decided to check her facebook and emails and found she was obsessed with my friend and was buying him gifts forwarding emails on to him and posting his pictures on Facebook. Now I say, how could I have been so blind? I know nothing happened sexually – but the thought she was planning to be with him, separating from me to be with him, times we would go out she was happier to be with him than me – I cannot get over the betrayal. So those who think emotional affairs are a joke, think again. It spelled the end for a 25 year relationship…

I did notice a change in him, but the change didn’t come until about 7 months into his cheating. I found a picture of his intimates being sent out to another woman and when I confronted him he said he had no idea, that that picture was meant for me. He begged and begged and I forgave him.

But then a month later on vacation I discovered a phone number and I called it. When I confronted him about it he denied it. I cried my heart out and he said i was just blowing things out of proportion. I had no idea how long this had been going on until i discovered a text that read “do you still want to continue this relationship”. Then everything blew up!!! Even when this one blew up he didn’t come fwd about the past year.

He currently is deployed but I have such a hard time dealing w/ his infidelity that when we do talk, all I do is argue w/ him. It isn’t fair or healthy to him or me and I feel bad because he is deployed, at war. i just need someone to vent to, to hear me out.

I have prayed about this for about 2 years now and now I am not sure what God wants for our marriage. He is not saved and doesn’t know God very well. I am scared. I don’t want to be divorced. I think he has an addiction–like sex/porn addiction. I think he is sick– please pray for me and my husband!! Thanks.

One day I suddenly realized how much this student meant to me (we had started telling each other our life stories, seeking advice from each other, and confiding problems) and then he indicated a wish to get together "as friends" (I know he meant it only that way) outside of tutoring sessions. I really wanted to meet with him but felt guilty.

It started to make me feel crazy, as I have strict beliefs about marital faithfulness, so I went to a counselor who advised me to terminate the relationship. I did quietly resign as his tutor citing schedule issues and I also told my husband that I had resigned because I felt uncomfortable with the student’s request that we get together. I did not tell my husband that I struggled with wanting to get closer with the student — so I guess there’s more fessing up to do at some point.

Frankly I’m hoping I do not have to ever do that, as it would hurt my husband that I’d even consider getting close to someone else, and he might go from being rarely available to totally gone. Interestingly, since I mentioned all this to him, my husband has become very attentive and frisky — maybe because he got a little jealous — not necessarily a bad thing for an old lady like me!

I feel betrayed because he professes how honest he is. According to me if this friend was as innocent as he says, he would have told me about it. He is the kind who does not even want me to show up at his work place let alone introduce me to his female friends. It has been close to five days since I found out and I am seriously thinking of quitting. I have never involved myself emotionally or otherwise with any other man since I got into this relationship let alone think it. It’s a very painful thing to find out that the one you love is involved emotionally with another and even worse that he can carry secret meetings and messages with this other person. I feel very betrayed.

Also, for additional ideas for other times, you can go to the “Romantic Ideas” section of the web site. You’ll find all kinds of things listed there and links to other web sites that can help you even further. I pray your date goes well. May God go with you

He told me to give him some credit cause he did come to me and tell me. He said he felt terrible he let it go that far. The other lady really got attached to him. She was telling him she loves him and everything. He said he never loved her. He has always just loved me and wanted me. I’ll admit we weren’t spending time together as much as we should. I know men need that physical attention. I was just going through a difficult time in my life.

I know now that I need to be more available to him. I need to focus not only on my needs, but his as well. I love being with him. I just went through a time where I guess I was feeling depressed. It made me feel unattractive and stuff. Well, he makes me feel like I am the most beautiful woman in the world. I know we will work things out. He is trying very hard. We actually have a date night tonight. I am not sure what we will do but just having time alone without the kids will be great.

Thanks for praying for us. I will definitely do the same for you. It feels good to know that other people out there care. I am so glad that I found this website.

I will keep you updated. I am very excited for tonight. I think the alone time will help us to focus on each other and how we truly feel about each other.

I know how hard it gets during those hard days. Just remember to pray and tell God how you feel. Yes, I let myself feel whatever it was that I was feeling but keep in mind that God doesn’t want us to sin in our anger and also remember that there’s a time to speak and a time to be silent. It’s hard sometimes to just keep quiet but it helps to keep the peace.

I still have days when those thoughts come in my mind and I wonder if they still talk and that’s when all that they did comes in my mind and I get angry. Now all I do is pray and ask the Holy spirit to direct my thoughts. You should actually thank God coz your husband was remorseful. Mine wasn’t and he told me that… I was broken but I prayed and let God deal with it.

I’ll pray for you a lot and pray for me too. If you see your husband doing something to make up for it, commend him, keeping in mind that it’s all your prayers and the prayers of others working. I know we’ll get through this. We just need to be patient and continue trusting God with everything. Loads of love, talk to you soon.

I know I need to get closer to God again. I have just felt so guilty for how I have acted. I mean I am usually someone who never cusses but I have found that I have been more then ever. I just have had days so bad that I couldn’t control it. I just need to get to the point where I turn to God and trust in him again. I know he has always been there for me. I know he is very real.

I have read from someone though that it is okay to have days when I get mad or sad. They say it helps to heal. So for now I just feel like I need to do that or I will go crazy. I hope it doesn’t last long. Just please, whoever reads my messages, just pray for me to get to the point where I can trust my husband again, and to be able to forgive. Thanks.

It breaks down how/why affairs can end up happening and puts it in an interesting format of the "love bank" and how spouses’ love banks can become bankrupt b/c one or both has put the marriage on the "back burner" in the sense that they start taking things for granted, life gets in the way, etc. etc.

The book breaks down affair type of situations in a very readable way and takes it a lot deeper than just "he/she wanted to be with someone else." It’s always deeper than that. I highly recommend it for you to read and your spouse. I think it will help you both not only heal (you’ll see what happened to him and he’ll feel like he isn’t the ONLY person to have ever fallen into that temptation) and it will also guide you both in moving on to the future with a healthier set of habits. Healing is necessary but so it going on to the future with a different set of habits otherwise the same things might keep happening over and over again.

Highly recommend it!! God bless, LT

It is so cool that people I don’t even know have commented on my messages and are trying to help me. I am so thankful to everyone who has helped me. My husband and I talked again last night and we are going to work things out.

He knows he hurt me very bad. I am so grateful that he never went as far as sleeping with her. He is very sorry and he said he wants to be with me and can’t live without me. It meant a lot to hear him tell me these things. He is a Christian too and he said the devil just got a hold of him. He said he knows he needs to get back to God.

I know God is able to make anything happen. I know he wants us to be together, he put us together for a reason. Meeting my husband is how I came to know God. I will always be grateful for that. My life has been turned upside down and I feel like why did God let this happen to me!! Who knows maybe it will make our marriage stronger then it ever was.

So I just want to say thank you to the woman out there who shared their own experiences with me. I will be forever grateful to you! Please keep the great advice coming. I am sure I have a long road ahead of me. I will be going through a lot of mixed emotions everyday. It has only been 3 weeks so far. Feels like 3 months. I know through God all things are possible. I just need to pray about it and see what he has for me.

I got down on my knees and what did I learn from God is that I wasn’t wife of the year. It was hard especially the days that he never came home. It was hard, they talked daily on the phone and he took her out a lot, bought her a Christmas gift, and all that stuff. I prayed so much and God worked on me more than anything else.

With the help of this website and everybody who prayed for me, God saved our marriage but my anger and hatred was still there. It got to a point where I never prayed coz like you, I was so ashamed to be before God coz unforgiveness is a sin. One day I got fed up and dropped to my knees and that was the beginning. I talked honestly to God and everyday I choose to forgive them and I know God is helping me.

I have days when those thoughts don’t get to me and at times they do. Remember the enemy knows your weakness. Pray for God to show you how to forgive and trust Him to do that. God wants you to speak to Him. Forgiveness is not a one time thing. It has many faces and when you forgive one thing, something happens that triggers something else. Write down all that you feel you need to forgive and pray for them each day. God loves you and He’ll set you free.

Read the Bible and don’t give up. You’ll be ok. I’ll pray for you gals a lot. I recommend you get the book PRAYING THROUGH THE DEEPER ISSUES OF MARRIAGE by STORMIE OMARTIAN. It has a good chapter on forgiveness. I hope to read from you soon. Love you lots and you’re in my prayers.

We are people who always go to church. We are Christians and I know God is always there for us whenever we need him. I am having a hard time with all of this. I feel bad going to church now because I haven’t forgiven my husband. I don’t know when I will be able to.

I feel so betrayed. He thinks it’s not so bad cause he never had sex with her. She lives in another state. But it still hurts to know they talked about sex with each other and told each other their deepest thoughts. He even went as far as telling her he loves her. He says he never loved her.

I just feel like I am with a stranger now. We have been married for 13 yrs. Yes I want to stay together but I don’t know how to get through all this. It makes it even more difficult cause he leaves out stuff. Like I have been finding out bits and pieces here and there, instead of just laying it all out on the table for me. I think this way it makes it harder to heal.

God wants us to be forgiving and I feel I am letting him down. I just don’t know how to forgive him right now. I appreciate your advice and I hope you see this message. Thanks for caring enough to write me your message. I wish you the best of luck with your husband. I am glad you guys are working things out.

The way I was able to heal and forgive this emotional affair, was by trusting God. The only way I could trust my husband again was by trusting God. When my husband said he would not do it again, then I am trusting God and turning that over to God to handle. I cannot handle this only God can. When my mind wanders to where my husband is, is he with someone or is he talking with someone on the phone, then I pray to the Lord to take that thought away. When my husband’s phone rings I wonder for a second is he doing it again, but God takes that thought away just as fast as it came.

The article above was right on with what it says. I did have to see what need was I not fulfilling in my marriage that my husband was talking to someone else rather than me. I now make sure my husbands emotional, physical, and spiritual needs are met and by doing so, my husband meets my needs.

This was not an easy journey, but I took it day by day and day by day God lessened the hurt and pain and dimmed my mind’s negative view. Now my husband and I give this testimony as often as God has us to tell it. God’s Word cannot lie, so if we just follow what the Word tells us, we really will see how much easier it is.

As far as what you can do in rejecting your husband’s unfaithfulness, the first thing I would say is to pray. God, who is your Heavenly Father, is able to help you in ways that are unique. What I’ve seen is that when a husband doesn’t take care of his bride, our Heavenly Father will, if we just ask Him. It’s not that He will jump and do everything you ask in your way, but in His way and timing, He will take care of your every need. Just keep in mind that God’s goal is not to make you happy, but to make you whole and healthy as a child of God.

In this situation and in your life, please know that “everything our spouse does to us gives God the opportunity to root out the sin within us.” This does not excuse your husband’s actions. They are wrong. There is no doubt about that. Even if he didn’t have physical relationships with these women, he’s unfaithful emotionally. We are told in the Bible to “drink water from our own cistern.” Your husband is drinking in his entertainment from a well in which he has no business. Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:27-28). There are many, many other scriptural references that establish that when a spouse entertains another person at the expense of his or her spouse, it is wrong.

But none of this escapes God’s view. He has not interfered for a reason (mostly, I’m sure because He gives us freedom). But despite the pain of this, God can redeem and use that which hurts us. I encourage you to pray that God will help you to do what is right in all of this. Your husband is wrong in what he is doing, but you don’t want to follow his path of sinning in a different way as well.

I’m so sorry that you are hurting so much in this process. But please pray for wisdom. If God lets you know that separation is the way to best deal with your husband’s continual unfaithfulness (because it might lead him to repentance), then ask the Lord to show you who you can talk to that can help you. It could be a pastor or an agency of some type, a neighbor or a church member. But be careful of who you receive counsel from because some people may have good intentions to help you, but they are giving you faulty advice. Ask God for wisdom.

As far as talking to the other woman or women, really pray about that. It could do more damage than help (especially to your heart and spirit if she is unrepentant and continues in sinful behavior and attitudes). It would need to be led by the Holy Spirit for the specific purpose of helping Kingdom work rather than hurting it. Pray and see what God leads you to do about this. It may be that He wants you to pray and stay out of the way so He deals with this woman (and these women) without your interference. But God will let you know this as you earnestly pray.

Through all of this, keep your heart open for God to work in your husband’s heart and yours as well, to receive the work that God is doing. Never block out the possibility that God can “restore what the locusts have eaten.” If your husband remains unrepentant then ask God to help you not to grab onto bitterness and to extent the love He would give. God doesn’t condone or help us to sin, but He still loves us and longs for us to repent and get right with Him. Sometimes He does this at a distance, but it is still there. This is an example for us to follow.

Also, pray that God will lead you to community to have “someone with skin on” that will help you during this lonely time. We are born to be in community with God AND with others. But guard your heart. Don’t get close to someone of the opposite sex (or someone with a sinful outlook and lifestyle) because you are vulnerable. What can start out innocent can turn in a sinful direction. You are still married at this time, so no matter how unfaithful your husband is, keep true to your word and steer clear of entanglements of the opposite sex.

I pray that God will minister to your every need. I’m sure that many others are praying for you. Keep in mind that this web site can be a part of your community. Please use it and leave comments when you feel a need or a nudging by the Lord. Our love and prayers are with you.

I really am confused, hurt, angry and scared but I feel it’s time I make a choice. Where do I go though? I have no family here so I am all alone. I want to call her but what for, say what to her?

We have gotten back together but I have such a hard time with forgiveness, especially when he is very emotionally abusive regularly. And I just don’t know how to do what’s right for myself and for us when he has done the things he’s done and I have shut him out emotionally. I can’t help but get angry and upset when he starts being abusive and cussing me out. And really most of the time I feel like I hate him. The hardest part is doing what I know is right and should do when I don’t even like him and really don’t care.