By the way my husband is cheating on me also!

THE MOST TORTUROUS EMOTION IS NOT KNOWING, OR BEING ABLE TO PROVE THERE IS AN AFFAIR. HE WOULD ALWAYS DENY IT WHEN IT CAME RIGHT DOWN TO IT, BUT HE ALSO AT TIMES WOULD BRAG THAT HE JUST MAY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE SHE KNOWS HOW TO TREAT HIM. HOW UTTERLY CONFUSING AND PAINFULLY EXHAUSTING TO MY SPIRIT, MIND AND BODY, INCREASING IN INTENSITY EACH PASSING YEAR. EVEN OUR 2 TEENAGE CHILDREN MAKE COMMENTS ABOUT THE LACK OF LOVE TOWARDS ME FROM THEIR DAD AND OPENLY GET MAD AND TELL ME I SHOULD DIVORCE MY HUSBAND ( THEIR NATURAL FATHER).

i KNOW THAT MY ONLY FRIEND FOR MOST OF MY LIFE HAS ALWAYS BEEN JESUS CHRIST. HE IS SO GOOD TO ME, ONLY HE KNOWS WHAT I HAVE SUFFERED EVEN AS A SMALL CHILD ALL THROUGH MY LIFE UNTIL NOW AT 47 HOW I STILL SUFFER GREAT HEARTACHE EVERY DAY. BUT NOW I CHOOSE TO SUFFER FOR HIM, MY SAVIOR WHICH ONLY MAKES ME LONG SO MUCH FOR MY HOME IN HEAVEN AND TO BE WITH MY COMFORTER, MY SOUL MATE, MY CLOSEST LOVE, MY STRENGTH, MY FAITHFUL AND TRUE GOD…

SO LOVERS OF JESUS CHRIST… HANG ON, DON’T GIVE UP, JESUS WILL SOON BE WIPING AWAY EVERY TEAR, NO MORE SADNESS, NO MORE PAIN, REJECTION NEVER AGAIN!!! HEARTS ACHING WILL NEVER BE FOUND, AND WHEN WE MEET HIM MAY WE ALL HAVE BEAUTIFUL GOLD CROWNS WITH MANY, MANY PRECIOUS JEWELS TO LAY AT HIS FEET, OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. CHRISTIAN WOMEN UNITE AND PRAY AGAINST THE POWERS OF DARKNESS. LOVE CONQUERS ALL.

Also Pornea in the Greek does not only mean fornication but adultery and ALL sexual immoralities. The Greek church of which I am a member has recognized this in official statements of faith since Paul set up the first churches in our country. It’s common knowledge.

Don’t fool yourself. Only the devil wants you to stay with a cheater and to be tormented, not God.

I can see you also feel trapped in this marriage because of your in laws whom you claim loves you so much but remember who you fall in love with in the first place. Choose what you really prefer, love from your husband or from your in laws. I hate to say this, but I think one of you two is a spare wheel.

I agree with Gabriella who said you have to show him that you are worthy or else you give him the permission to go on. So Maggie, it’s up to you to let him go or be the other wife. You may love him very much but you also deserve love and respect. I know God condemns divorce but neither did he ever say 3 shall become 1 flesh.

We are still together after another 17 years, but I could never recover (though I am a Christian and love the Lord) to a point that I can say "I truly love him" again. The devastation of unfaithfulness is worse than we think and Satan is running around like a roaring lion to destroy relationships – especially those bound by God.

Do NOT play with fire. It may cause us to lose a hand or foot before entering the kingdom of God. I STILL need practical ways to FORGET. I pray a lot but it seems the memory is the worst battleground ever!

When he returned home he confessed not to one affair but to three in the past 19 years. His recent affair lasted 2 and half years. I love the Lord very much always have. My life is a testimony for the Lord. How? The devil hates when we love so much and put our spouses and children as gifts from the Lord, which I firmly believe. My faith is being tested. It is not an easy road. My life is an emotional roller coaster now.

The one good thing is that my husband has given his heart to the Lord. He now fears the Lord and admits he was wrong and when he was involved in all this, he had no fear for God.

The Lord is in control. He will give us the strength to move on. God has been gracious in that. My husband thought that I would not find out and he could continue with the marriage but God made him confess all. When GOD is in control there is no half done or some work. HIS work is guaranteed and fulfilled. Warmest wishes to all and God Bless you all. Jennifer

I tried to divorce him but he stopped me and a part of me thinks that the devil you know, is better then the one you don’t know? Is this correct? I also value my marriage and vows so much that I think prayer will eventually change this situation. Am I being naive?

My mom wants me to divorce! His family encourages me to stay and fast and prays with me regularly and always calls me and sends me text messages to show they support me as his wife. I did move out for a month and in that month he visited me regularly and knows I am planning to move back as I think God does not approve of me being away and this removes the dignity of my marriage.

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AND WITH ME. FOR THOSE WHO GOD IMPRESSES ON THEIR HEARTS TO GIVE SOME ADVICE, PLEASE DO SO. I DO PRAY FOR OTHER MARRIAGES AND BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF PRAYER.

As a psychology student that I was at that moment, I could see that he was going through a crisis and that soon that was going to be over. As a christian that I am, I decided to forgive him, to put out my other cheek (I looked like a hamster), go the extra mile (or even some more) and for the sake of my 10 year old son, I decided to try to keep a good relationship with my husband.

BUT after reading "Love Must Be Tough" I understood I could not allow my husband to keep abusing me in that way, so I decided to ask him for divorce and in less than a month I moved to another apartment. My husband visited us every single day.

It was when he began to notice that I know how much I am worth and how resilient I was, that he stopped abusing me and after one month and a half he asked me to came back together. It has been two years since then and we have been through a recovery process. He behaves better than ever with me. He is more loving and caring, we even move to another city.

I think that the key point here is for you to know how much you are worth and make them know that too. You do not deserve being treated that way, but with your attitude you are telling him that you do. You are pampering them, and in a sense, you are kind of giving them your permission to cheat. You are not allowing them to confront their sin and to repent.

They will not do it until they see the consequences of their sin, and how this is going to affect, not only their eternal life, but this life. Let them go and let them suffer the hell that a lover can, when things stop being an adventure. Let them face the reality of losing their families. Let them suffer the consequences. It is going to be healthy for them and they will react to those consequences.

Do not let them see you feel defeated, but strong in the Lord, and you will see that sooner or later they will come back. That is love. It takes courage. Do not be afraid of letting them go. God is with you and with your husbands too, but they need to learn, and God will teach them all they need to learn to be free.

I’m married for 5 years, with my husband for 10. We have 2 beautiful small children. My life thus far has been much the same as yours. Just this morning I was thinking ‘Why do I still love this man even though he hurts me with his infidelity? Why can’t I just stop loving him? The emotional scars are so deep, the scars on my heart will never go away!’ But like you I thought about the promise we made in front of God and so many witnesses to love and honour each other till the day we die. To be faithful to one another forever.

I just can’t help wonder why loving someone must hurt so much! I’ve forgiven him his infidelity of 2 years ago but he is addicted to the internet and chat rooms and it has been a hard and long road to trusting him again. Just to be brought back to reality when I find another woman’s number on his phone. He denies any physical infidelity but even just to THINK about another person in the way you should think about your spouse is wrong!

I feel emotionally dead on a day like today. The worst for me is that we are devoted Christians, involved in various church organizations and serving God and raising our children the way He wants us to. But I don’t understand how my husband can go off the track like this and think of it as NOTHING??? Speaking about divorce is also nothing to him.

Why have Christians become so ‘no care’ about the sacred union of the marriage?

I just pray that God will show him the way, the way to Him! and away from sin! Please pray with me that this will end!

Thank you Khanyi for making me realise once again why I’m fighting for my marriage! I hope and pray our husbands will ’see the light’ soon!

I have lost count of the times my husband has cheated on me. Our sexual relationship is 99% if not 100%. He is a loving father to our children. Now, this is what I’ve learn over the years: No matter how many times he does (cheating), I will stay, I will honour my vows, because the covenant I took was between me and my father in heaven. His bad, unspeakable behaviour is his problem, now, why do I have to suffer for the wrongness of the other person? I have always made it clear to him, that God will deal with him in his own time. Yes, it hurts more than anyone can imagine. I feel betrayed and disrespected but who has done wrong here, is it me or him?

If it is him, then why am I crying, why am I wasting time trying to correct him, why do I not sleep a quiet sleep thanking God that I’ve honoured my vows for the day and ask that I continue to do so in Jesus name? To my sisters out there thinking cheating back will solve the problem, NO it won’t because you love the person you are with. You may get the attention you are seeking but no contentment. You will still feel lonely and betrayed. Now you will feel betrayed by the person you love AND the person in you (which is what I’m feeling presently).

My brothers and sisters, let us love our husbands and wives the way Christ loves us. How many times do we sin, but our father in heaven forgives us and let us be part of his Kingdom again and again? Truth is, we open ourselves to temptation, by having a wandering mind and eye. If you focus your attention to your husband/wife you will feel the same love you felt when he asked you for your first date.

I also have scars of the heart. My husband has called me names, he has told me to leave his private life alone. He has told me the pain was self inflicted. He has told me to get a life or a boyfriend to keep me busy. He has beaten me up twice. Believe me, there is no pain caused by an unfaithful husband to a wife that I have not experienced. It has gone to an extent that he became HIV infected but in JESUS am negative. But he still flirts, and disrespects me. If caught he’ll tell me to flirt also if that will make me happy.

But I thank God and I sing a praiseful song that says, "God help me to stay true, so that your glory could be revealed through me!”

WHY CAN’T YOU?? I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I LOVE HIM DEARLY. NOTHING WILL SEPARATE ME FROM HIM EXCEPT DEATH. BUT I LOVE GOD MORE FOR PRESENTING ME WITH HEAVENLY LOVE, TO BE ABLE TO LOVE AGAINST ALL DEMONIC INFLUENCES IN LIFE. WHY CAN’T YOU???

Yet when I raise the point that for every man cheating, there is a woman right there as his partner in crime so to speak, her contribution is minimized or is excused since it’s not cheating.

And why is Mr Carder saying that typically women are inappropriately blamed for their spouses affair more so than men? Any blaming of the faithful spouse for the affair is totally, 100% wrong.

The unfaithful spouse may have valid complaints about the affair. But what they are doing by being unfaithful is far more damaging than any other type of hurtful behavior.

An unfaithful spouse is never PUSHED into an affair, ever. If she cheats, she did it on her own. It’s insulting to read him saying some spouses push their spouse into an affair. No spouse pushes or forces their partner to have an affair, ever. The cheaters volunteer to cheat, period.

So let’s call much of this what it is, the blaming of men for behavior that involves both men and women equally.

Below – I will write what I felt led by the Holy Spirit to write but keep in mind, your relationship with God is your own. If anything I say conflicts with what you believe God is guiding you to, you must go with God in you, not me. God is very jealous of His children and so I’m certainly not going to step on what God might be telling someone.

I’m somewhat confused by your post in trying to figure out the exact state of your marriage right now. You mention you live in a no fault state – legal wording that only applies to divorce proceedings. You say, also, that your husband said if you didn’t get a job he would divorce you. I’m assuming, that you mean you are still married (under threat of divorce unless you got a job) but have obviously considered divorce, else how would you know the legal procedure on divorce in your particular state?

So, I write under the assumption you are currently married, in a tense marriage. If I’ve assumed correct, you also sound like you are under duress.

Here’s my objective reading of what you wrote, not knowing either of you personally. You are married to a man that threatened to divorce you (you don’t mention why) and you "caved" and got a job to stay married to him? Despite the fact that he is still controlling all the other money, except your paychecks. You are vague as to whether he is still continuing an affair or not. Is he still seeing other women?

I wanted to share with you a couple of things.

Firstly – I’m currently reading "Love Must be Tough," by Dr. Dobson, head of Focus on the Family. This book, although told through many instances of infidelity in marriage, is applicable to any problem marriage and, even, any problem life relationship or situation. It can apply to marriages with abuse, parents who are struggling with children that are addicted to drugs, etc. It’s got quite a lot of practical uses, not just for marriages with infidelity.

I would highly suggest you get a copy at your library and read this as I think it will help you. My only disappointment is that, although the author is a Christian, he doesn’t quote very many scriptures (at least not to the point where I am, about 1/3 of the way through). And there was one instance where he did use scripture to support something he said, but I did not agree with his interpretation (and, therefore, his point) of that scripture so it’s not a perfect book but certainly full of a lot of good information. It’s got a lot of facts about human behavior that I totally agree with and have seen from my own experiences on this earth observing humans, as a Christian, as well as what God has been showing me on my personal faith walk.

The other thing I wanted to suggest to you is to read the following verses in the Bible:

Titus 2:3-5 – this talks about women being keepers of the home; in other words, the Bible, in this verse, supports women/mothers staying at home, not going out to work, although working is not expressly prohibited by scripture so far as I know.

See also Proverbs 31 – this describes the woman who keeps her home and cares for her family.

For love, marriage, divorce and infidelity, read I Corinthians 7 (the whole chapter). You can familiarize yourself with what you believe the Lord is saying, through Paul, the apostle, in this chapter.

You must read all these things prayerfully and ask God for guidance on this particular matter.

Regarding the working situation – here is my suggestion. You need to be familiar with God’s Word (the scriptures), especially the ones that apply to your situation and ask God to lead you in what you think they should mean in your own life.

The Bible says for wives to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. This means, if your husband is telling you to do something that you feel conflicts with God’s word and commands, who are you going to follow? (Here’s a hint – we are to love God first, then our neighbors). Obviously – you follow your husband unless it conflicts with what God wants.

Now an example would be to say if your husband tells you to come along with him and be an accomplice to murder, then you would say no right? Murder, even if it is your husband telling you to do so, is wrong in God’s eyes. This is a situation where you pick God.

There are even situations where it’s more subtle. A man and woman were killed for lying to God’s apostles. God called the husband in first, he lied and was struck dead. Then they called the wife in; she did not know God had struck her husband dead because of his lie and then she proceeded to tell the same lie (like they had agreed together), then she was struck dead also. Even lying, because your husband asks you to, is wrong if you know, in your heart, it’s wrong. That is the story of Acts 5:1-11, Ananias and Sapphira.

So….you follow your husband unless if conflicts with what God’s word says. Does God’s word prohibit women from working outside the home? Not that I know of (but I haven’t done an in-depth study on that either), but the Bible does clearly support the married woman staying in the home and keeping it. But this is one of those situations where you have to let God tell you, personally, the answer to this question.

Not I or any other Christian can tell you exactly what to do or think when it comes to your relationship with God, but hopefully what I’ve shared will point you in the right direction.

The one thing I will say is that if your husband wants a divorce (and he has told you this) because he wants to be with other women – the Bible does say if an unbeliever departs, let him. That’s in the chapter I mentioned above -I Corinthians 7. But even this, I can’t tell you to do for certain – you have to let God guide your conscience first and then let that conscience be your guide. God bless and keep us posted, LT

My family hates him because they know of both affairs. He has never tried to reinstate the intimacy with me with date nights, etc. ALWAYS wants kids with us when go on trips. I am sick of wasting my life with someone who is moody, always has an ailment as an excuse for what he does not want to do..he does have some legitimate health problems as of late but has pretty much always had "something" wrong with him in the 23 years I have been with him. I am sick of being the only one trying. I want what is best for my children but also want to be a stronger role model than I have been with him. Suggestions?

Let me be specific. In these 3 years, my wife never asked me to make love to her. She always has something to brag about when I ask to have sex. She is always easily satisfied (just after one round and she will say no more; we will do it later, tomorrow…)

I am a Christian and I am 33 years old. I really feel that I am starting to be dishonest because I have started to lust for other ladies even if I don’t do anything like making a pass. But sometimes I have tried to make a pass but very weak. And in most cases I don’t find someone who would want to do it with me. And that is my ever growing fear, that what if one day when I ask, the person will say yes and come on. I don’t know what I will do, because I feel hungry to do it.

I have gone three weeks already without sex and have been literally begging. She is not interested. Please don’t judge me and help me. I don’t want to lose my faith, my marriage and myself in lies and dishonesty of being a cheating husband and unfaithful father.

A mid-life crisis with many losses led to a workplace affair on my husband’s part which put us in financial jeopardy. I filed for separation to assure that I wouldn’t lose the house. The separation is further complicated by his mental state of untreated Bi-Polar.

Every time I get desperately discouraged and feel like giving up something, a Bible or devotional passage will remind me to "wait on the Lord." That He "knows the plans He has for me…." Or a song on the Christian radio will lift my spirits assuring me that God’s love never fails, He won’t abandon me.

But what do I do with my singleness while I wait? How do I energize & encourage myself to keep going? The pain is palpable. It is wonderful to hear from couples whose marriages have survived affairs. What kind of support groups are out there? And how do you guard against the emotional vulnerability of opening up to others without running the risk of an emotional affair while your trying to survive your present situation?