Basically her and I were best friends until her son got serious and we got our own place and she could not call the shots anymore. She felt threatened and began to make me her enemy …hence, the bad names. My husband has always stood up for me and he told her that her behavior was unacceptable. She even told him that God was punushing us when he was laid off in November on a voicemail!! This January he tried to fix things but it’s very superficial because they won’t admit any fault. His father wants him to just kiss up and make her happy because they have a bad marriage for the last 15 years.

This is how we got into the situation in the first place! He has been a surrogate spouse as he is her “favorite son” she says. How do I get over the feelings of anger after all the names and hurtful comments because I will never get an apology and they refuse to compromise so my husband has to have a relationship with them alone. However, I can’t help feeling so angry when they call or want him to visit because although he has stood up for me, they refuse to apologize and want a relationship with only him …not me? HELP! I get depressed and angry and it affects our marriage/love life because of the terrible feelings I have inside for them.

I’ve had two family members who deal with life this way. What I’ve learned is to love them beyond themselves. I listen as with the ears of Christ and love them despite themselves (and save my deeper connections with those who welcome it).

It has taken years with both of these family members, but God has been slowly opening their eyes and hearts to me and to others as I’ve given them grace and have loved them unconditionally (and many, many times it was so very hard). But I’ve known it is the right thing to do. And now, one of them has come to Christ (and acknowledges that God used me to help her see Him clearer), and the other is slowly making spiritual strides.

Sadly, your mother-in-law may not ever be the friend you’d want her to be in your life — which is such a loss for both of you. But if you can’t love her for herself because of her self-centered ways, love her as the mother of your husband. You won’t be able to share a deep connection times with her, but just listen, love, and see what God does as you show the love of Christ to her. Do it as a gift to your husband and to God, without looking for rewards. Love as Christ does and I think you’ll find things will go better in your husband’s family, and in your own heart and life, as well. … At least that’s what I’ve learned. I hope this helps.

You should not only get to know him but also his roots. It will help prepare you for things to come and set up a game plan. For instance, if you know a member of the family is a gossip it might be good to avoid them at all costs. It is my view since marriage uncovers so many quirks hidden issues that you should not seek to go into it blind no matter how much in love you are. “Know them that labor among you.”

Always be positive about your mate to everyone, speak life to all of your situations and pray for his weaknesses. Let God speak to him and change him for the better. If you want to spill the beans and get advice; seek God and He will show you who to turn to and when. “Come to me with all prayers and supplications.” He is the only one who will guide you out a murky situation. Your trust and dependance in marriage should never be on any parent but God. Help from in-laws is great don’t get me wrong. My in-laws baby sit and assist wherever – which is a blessing and helps a ton. But control and manipulation is not cool. Make sure – you and your spouse make the main decisions in your marriage or arguments not 2nd and 3rd parties.

THIS IS SOME ADVICE THAT WILL ASSIT YOU IN HAVING A WONDERFUL AND LOVING RELATIONSHIP.GOD BLESS YOU ALL! (GO TO CHURCH WITH YOUR SPOUSE AND SEEK PRIVATE CHRISTIAN COUNSELING IF ALL ELSE FAILS.) AN OUTSIDE MEDIATOR IS LESS BIASED THAN A RELATIVE.

Now, I moved with my boyfriend and have been together for 2 and a half years. My problem is every time we are around his family, nobody talks to me or if I try to talk I only get one or two words which makes me feel really bad. I talk to my boy friend that it is very important to me that someone will accept me. Knowing that I do not have any family here is even worse. I do not want to be around with people having fun and just following my boy friend, just doing whatever he asked me to. He keeps telling me to go with him all the time when he visits them which is about 2 to 3 times a month. I wouldn’t mind going but it’s just doesn’t make me feel good every time I am around them, I feel alone all the time and always have the feeling that I wish I am not here and just go back home.

Do you have any advice for me? What’s the best thing to do? My boy friend said, just keep on trying. But how long really is that?