The following are quotes from various resources on the subject of military marriages. We pray you will find them helpful for your situation.

• “At a recent ‘chaplain’s brief,’ in which the military tries to prepare its soldiers for reintegration in the world, the officer in charge cited Army statistics that indicated 30 percent of the spouses believe deployment harms their marriages. The Army’s Judge Advocate General Corps statistics put the divorce rate among soldiers as comparable to the civilian rate — about 50 percent.” (Cuck Yarbrorough, from article “Iraq No Honeymoon for Couples)

• Before your husband arrives home, discuss each other’s thoughts, expectations, and concerns for your reunion. Let him know your desire to honor him while maintaining stability in the home. See what suggestions he has. It’s not too early to pray about your reentry as a couple. Suggest that the two of you begin praying specifically about the readjustment period, that it would be a smooth transition.

We’ve seen some healthy couples turn this potential problem into an opportunity to redefine some of the roles in their relationship. When the husband of one military couple came home from overseas and resumed paying the bills, he realized that he didn’t like it and wasn’t good at it. By talking to his wife, he discovered that she not only enjoyed handling their finances, she excelled at it. He’d previously believed that managing the money was something a man “should” do rather than something that a couple is free to negotiate based on skills and interests. They restructured some of their responsibilities, and what could have become a major problem actually strengthened their relationship.

Another military couple made appointments with their pastor just to have an objective third party to talk to, pray with, and provide wise and biblically-consistent counsel. Ask God to prepare you and give you realistic expectations. Pray for extra doses of patience and grace. Enlist two or three other couples to pray for you at least once a day for the next three months. (From Couple Counsel, with Gary and Carrie Oliver, on Today’s Christian Woman’s Magazine, Winter 2005)

• Reunion time with your military spouse can be both a great experience and also one that creates problems in your marriage. Here are some tips to make the homecoming easier and more enjoyable: Accept that things may be different. …Plan for visits from your extended family.…Tone down your fantasies — reality may be quite different. (Sheri and Bob Stritof, from the article, “Homecoming Tips.” To read the rest of the article go to: http://marriage.about.com/cs/militarymarriages/qt/homecoming.htm)

• What retired Navy Chief Petty Officer Jeff Edwards said at his retirement about his wife could be paraphrased about you and so many other military spouses:

“You are a patriot — the sort of citizen that all of us should be, but so few of us are. You live with sacrifice, because you believe in the rights and ideals that your husband defends. Although you wear no uniform, you are a part of that defense — a vital link in the chain of freedom. Although you wear no medals and will reap no glory on the field of battle, you are hero in the truest sense of the word. You are a military spouse.”(Gene Thomas, from the article “The Hardest Job in the Military”)

• Timing can be important in a military marriage. If you have PCS (Permanent Change of Station) orders, and get married before you actually make the move, you can have your spouse added to your orders and the military will pay for the relocation of your spouse and her property (furniture and such). However, if you report to your new duty assignment first, and then get married, you will have to pay for the relocation of your spouse out of your own pocket. (Rod Powers, from article, Military Weddings and Honeymoons. To read the article in its entirety click onto the following link: http://usmilitary.about.com/od/familydomestic/a/marriage.htm)

• Part of “Pre-separation” syndrome is that people begin to separate themselves emotionally for what lies ahead. Look for tensions to be high and be on guard for potential fireworks over little things. Simply being aware of these emotions and potential disagreements can go a long way toward diffusing the situation. Karen Evenson and her husband, who’s traveled frequently for 15 years, would fight about the laundry before he’d leave on trips. “I’d get so angry because he’d throw his underwear anywhere but in the hamper!” Karen says. “We’d get into arguments about it and he’d leave the house on a sour note. Then I’d spend the time we were apart feeling guilty and miserable. I finally discovered where he puts his underwear really doesn’t matter. And that discovery has made for better partings.” (Ellie Kay, from the article, “Staying Connected When Your Spouse Is Away” posted on Marriage Partnership Magazine.com)

• Hold tightly to the assurances of God. Hear His promise, articulated so eloquently in the 46th Psalm: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging” (v. 1-3, NIV). (Dr James Dobson, from an article, “An Open Letter to the American Military which you can read on the Focus on the Family web site at: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/docstudy/newsletters/A000000883.cfm)

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