Whether you married for the right reasons or the wrong reasons, what do you do now in relationship to what God would have you do? What is your wedding vow supposed to mean now that you are going through tough times in your marriage? Do troubles and doubts and the actions of a former fiance void your wedding vows where you look for an escape (in mind and eventually actions)?

We got married but I did not love him the way I loved the other man. After the wedding we used to have fights, things did not go well between our parents, we had arguments day and night, then as time went by our problems stopped. But then he started telling me that we should visit his parents more often. I did not like the idea because by that time his mother and sisters were not my in my favour or I can say we did not click because whenever we had fights he used to tell them and they saw me as wrong person.

On other days when we argued he would tell me to leave but I told him I’m not going anywhere coz you married me. You know, I felt so humiliated in such a way that I even told him that we must divorce. Then he said divorce is not good between two people; then I stayed. There are many things that happened between us. I’m just shortening the story. So I really don’t love my hubby especially after he told me to leave his house. I just feel it will happen again.

On the other hand, the man I was supposed to have married is friends with my two brothers. He even invites them in to have lunch and supper. He gives them a car to drive. He even offered them a house in town to stay. Why does he do all this? I don’t mean to say something but I’m just asking myself as to why he does all these things for them.

On the other hand I think of divorcing hubby but I don’t want to lose my two kids aged 3 years and 6 months. I love my kids so what do I do in this situation?

With that I felt it will be wrong on my part to continue with this lady so I told her if this man has changed and she feels like going back to him she could and let go of the relationship of five years. My great sadness is in less that a month, even before they can come together he has started misbehaving. My question is have I been wrong in saying that to marry her will be sinful and leave her to suffer again from this abuser?

When I met him he was a man of God, tongue talking, Bible quoting and radical for Christ. This August, 2009 I finally had enough and asked him to leave; how I regret this. He has since then told me he’s never coming back to be with me or our kids ever again. In previous years I always was the one who left him and ended up coming back. I am so confused because I asked him to leave as he does not provide for the family and he refuses to find a job. He doesn’t help around the house; he’s lazy. Since he left he only comes to see the kids when he wants, just for 1 hour only. He has since then told me he will be filing for divorce and wanted to know if I was willing to sign the papers.

He was saying things like “God never told him to marry me, he decided for himself, he’s only married to me on paper but not in the heart” – very hurtful things I could not believe it was the same man I fell in love with. I told him I am a Christian and I don’t believe in divorce. I asked him on what grounds was he looking to divorce me as I have never been unfaithful but I know he has during our separation of which he declined to answer me.

One time he came to our home to see the kids and I locked him in so we could talk and try and work on this marriage. I was on my knees begging and begging for three hours. I begged him for the sake of our kids to forgive me and come back home. He ended up calling the police on me that I had locked him unwillingly; he has so much hatred and bitterness towards me. I did not want to upset him so I decided to give him some time. He refuses to get counselling from our pastor. I made a big mistake kicking him out. I miss him so much and want him back home. My kids are always asking “where is daddy?” I look at their faces and see my husband everyday.

Since the separation I have grown stronger in prayer and I am standing on the word of God that He is a God who restores; nothing is too hard or impossible. I believe this has happened for me to grow closer and stronger in the Lord. I know I have to give him some time to heal but the thing is I already have been told by a prophet that I have to break from this relationship and that my life is in danger if I get back with him and that it wasn’t meant to be. But I still love my husband so much and I don’t know where to turn to or what to do. I prayed to God and left it in his hands. I am praying that His perfect will be done over my life and my husband’s.

IF HE’S MINE ONE DAY HE WILL RETURN TO ME, IF NOT THEN GOD WILL BRING ME THE RIGHT MAN HE INTENDED FOR ME SINCE THE CREATION OF THE WORLD. I refuse to be shaken and depressed. I wax strongly in the Lord daily. Keep me in your prayers, Brethren. Thank you all.

I am in my late twenties and have been married for two years. It has been the hardest two years of my life. We do not have kids yet, which I pray does not happen until there is healing in our marriage.

I have abused my husband physically, and emotionally. I now am in an anger management class by choice and pray that God will heal me. I just want to speak life to those I love and this will be my journey for the rest of my life.

I tell you this so you know I am a sinner. It doesn’t matter the age we are but we all have sinned. The number one reason for divorce is pride, and selfishness. I have got to lower my pride and ask God for help to heal me and walk in humbleness. Now, I have to follow through with my actions.

There are days I wish I could walk out on my marriage but in the end if I left or he did, we would still carry our problems into the next relationship. What we need is for God to restore us individually, and pray God will restore our marriages.

I will cry out to my Lord like a daughter cries to her papa and wait for him to comfort and hold me. I know that in my weakness, he is strong. My God will endure through everything in my life.

Our lives are but a fraction in time and someday we will stand before our God alone face to face. Our spouse will not stand next to us as we meet the Lord. We are accountable for every word we have spoken, and every action that we have done to others.

Sometimes that is an overwhelming thought and a bit scary but as long as I fight in spiritual realm not the physical, I will overcome. Through the blood of Jesus and the word of my testimony, WE will all overcome. There will be no more tears and no more sorrow and I pray that we all get healed in every area of our own hearts. I pray that there will be joy and dancing for our lives until the day comes we meet with the Lord. Let us be hungry and thirsty not for the things of the world for they never will satisfy but let us run our race for God. We are brothers and sisters and our battles belong in prayer and they ultimately belong to the Lord.

My stand by verse is: IF you make the Most High your dwelling- even the Lord, who is my refuge- then no harm will befall you, no disaser will come near your tent.

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread upon the lion and the serpent.

“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation” (Psalm 91:9-16).

About a decade ago, my wife demanded a separation and then a divorce. She moved on with her life. I remain in this space; like a “prisoner of hope”. Even though she said, “don’t hope … “. I remain. The world (and even some counselors) said, move on Rob. I recently tried. But it seems impossible. There is some part of me forever connected (or a part of her) and I am unable to reconcile that reality in my heart/head. I can no longer give what is not mine to give. So, how am I to then live?

Forgiveness, courage, grace and a renewing of my mind … more than the air I breath, I need Your grace, mercy and love, Father.

But I must tell you that he is still living with the woman he left me for. So she found out that he was seeing me and told him she had cancer. And now she says she is healed, but she is having his baby.

All I can do now is keep praying that GOD will reveal the truth. I am not giving up on my marriage but standing on GOD’S Word. He is our Hope and he will see us through this. Our victory is in what Jesus did on the cross for us. I will continue to pray for all of our marriages. We’ve got the VICTORY; just be still and know that He is GOD. If GOD be for us who can be against us. I know that it is easier said than done. I have been waiting on GOD all these years and I am not going to give up on HIm now, So don’t none of you do. HE is with us every step of the way.

He said that he now realizes that he never loved me like he should have… could have fooled me. He always told me how much he adored me. I guess the wife is always the last to know. He is also a functioning alcoholic and has been for years. When we met I was a young Christian and he was not a believer. We married and the drinking was bad, then he stopped for a while and started attending church and made a profession of faith in Jesus.

All that changed when his dad died and he picked up the drink again. I am so angry at this affair (I was friends with this woman) I feel so betrayed. I thought we would never ever be at this place…please pray for me. I want this relationship with the other woman to fail and for my husband to get into recovery.

I will never go back to that drunk, uncaring man I had become, and although I am still losing her and she won’t even let me talk about the situation in any way shape or form unless she brings it up 1st… I still have hope that God can set things right… I have begged and begged for another chance, and pray and pray that she will come back someday… but it is up to the Lord now.

I gave my life to him and it’s his place to decide… I only ask that he guide my actions and let his will be done. Don’t get me wrong, I am heartbroken and totally against any kind of separation and or divorce, and her planned dates with this man as soon as she does leave. Actually, unless I get another 100 a month coming in (I already work 2 1/2 jobs) I will be homeless by November. This is serious stuff. People need to work through their problems very hard before calling it quits and turning to another. Right from day one it is a recipe for disaster.

I am in the military, so if I married him then me and him could get a house. It was a big mistake. He got a job and lost it. He’s immature, disrespectful to me, he is always gone, he is verbally abusive and I am scared that it won’t be long till he is physically abusive. I have lost almost all self-esteem, energy and I am emotionally and physically exhausted.

Because of him, I have gone into debt, I have bailed him out of jail on one occasion and have lost military awards on account of him. I am completely tired and am doing all I can to keep my head above water. My family and friends are concerned. I am strong believer in God and do not want this marriage to result to divorce, but it is so hard. I have tired talking to him and refuse to argue with him anymore. I am scared in my own home and I am completely confused. WHAT DO I DO? I am looking at airline tickets to send him home for a time of separation between us… but what if it doesn’t get better? It’s not grounds for divorce, right, unless he cheats? I just need advice… any help?

The truth is there is not a spouse (husband or wife), who has not broken their marriage covenant. So how can we decide that our particular way of breaking the covenant is excusable, but how someone else has chosen to break it is NOT excusable?

Does Christ treat us that way? If we abuse Him, are we cast aside? How can those of us who claim Christ so easily reject others because of how we perceive their sin, but expect acceptance for our sin?

I’m not “pro abuse.” I’m very much against abuse. I simply don’t want folks who call themselves Christians to be so willing to toss others out, when we are called to love the sinner. The answer is not to respond to abuse with abuse.

The movie fireproof was mentioned. The underlying theme is that you “never leave your partner”, no matter how bad it gets. The movie showed a relationship with TWO abusers. Folks are quick to focus on his abuse, and I would not argue against that. Yet her relationship with the other man was EQUALLY abusive. She was giving love that she should have reserved ONLY for her husband to another man. She was getting her emotional needs met via another man, and not her husband. He was too, lest anyone think that I’m focused on her. But many have already written about his faults, and there is little disagreement.

However, I’ve read little, if anything about her abusive and unloving behavior, and it was just as destructive and frankly, just as abusive as his. While not as violent, her actions were emotionally and spiritually violent to what marriage is about.

Abandoning a spouse, simply because that spouse sins is no less emotionally and spiritually violent and abusive than any other abuse mentioned.

We will be judged by the same measure we judge others. If we choose to abandon others, should we not expect Christ to live up to his promise and treat us as we treated others? If we abandon those we’ve promised to love until death, are we not hypocritical when we want Christ to love us no matter what?

Does that mean we should tolerate abuse, or remain in danger? No it certainly doesn’t. But it doesn’t mean the marriage is broken and that divorce is recommended. If we choose to divorce, we are saying we don’t trust that God can work in this circumstance. We are saying we are better and more deserving of grace and forgiveness than another person. We place ourselves in a position that is only rightfully occupied by God, that is, of knowing the heart of another person.

We as a body of believers cannot choose divorce and say we have faith. The two are mutually exclusive.

Now, he is dating someone else and it is killing me. All I can tell you is to put your trust and love in God. Focus all your might on Jesus. He is crazy about you and is willing to support and hold you up.

I don’t know if my husband will come back to me or not. But, I do know that I can find peace in God. He is what sustains me daily.

You both should try to keep a journal of your thoughts and prayers. That has helped me to stay sane. Just get lots of paper and write, write, write. Pour your heart onto the paper… it really helps. Be prayerful and I will pray with you. He will never bring us to it not to take us through it. Janel

We have two young kids, I work, and go to school. Sometimes I feel so sad and lonely cause I know he is dating.

I can’t see the light right now, but I keep praying and believing things will get better. I miss him so much and wish I had known how to be a better a wife in the beginning. We married young so I know I wasn’t perfect. I am ready to forgive him now and I just pray that he comes home for my kids and me.

I asked him to leave because he was drinking and driving. I thought, however, he would make the decision to quit doing that and choose his family. He did not. I just want to say, I love you ladies and will be praying for you all. I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. I know that our God can do exceedingly, abundantly, above that which we could ask or even think. He is a mighty God. All things will work together for our good because we are called to the purpose of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Please pray for me and my family.

However, I knew something was just not right, because my husband is a man of God, a man seeking God’s own heart, and I am a woman of God. The Holy Spirit told me to cry out to God. When I did the peace of God just surrounded me. I have been standing in the gap and praying. I am believing God for restoration and I know that our Redeemer lives.

What I can say is, with God on your side all things are possible. You are in the will of God, and don’t let the devil convince you otherwise. Refuse to give up, put on the whole amour of God and fight for your marriage. It is time to shift your spiritual gears, and let God be true and every man a liar. If God is for us who can be against us? We have been given authority to command things to happen in the Name of Jesus. LET US ALL STAND LADIES, LET US ALL STAND KNOWING THAT IT IS WELL. WE SHALL LIVE TO TELL THE ORACLES OF THE LIVING GOD OF ISRAEL. WE SHALL LIVE TO SEE THE GOODNESS OF GOD IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING.

I also got a transfer to work in Mpumalanga, but when I came here we stayed for only a month and he moved out. He said I’m suffocating him. I’m in pain. I can’t even pray. I also have a six month old baby. The other child is 4 months.

He has been gone for six weeks now with little contact and I fear that if we do not get together somehow and work on our problems this separation will lead to a divorce. We have been married for 35years and have already been to marriage counseling. How can one come so far just to throw everything away at this stage? I have asked God to take control of the situation and wait for Him to make the opening at the right time and place.

Women are the pillars of our families and we have to be strong. You will surprised how strong GOD made us to be, HE will not put you through something that HE can not pull you through. I know its hard, but we need to trust in HIM and know that he knows and able. Blessings, Sebo

I have just turned 33,been married for 10 years and have found out that my husband has been in an extra marital affair since Jan’08 I have confronted him but he lies and deny’s everything.

He’s always been such a committed christian, loved the Lord dearly, we had a great friendship in our marriage, I just don’t know what led him to do this, im really hurting, I love him so much, just don’t know how to deal with all of this.

Your comments have been so inspiring,Its given me hope again, i’ve been asking GOD, do I stick it out and stay or do I take the easy way out and leave! Please pray for us….

Get books to help build up your faith and trust in God. I know how all you guys feel and I am so hurt by the things that happened. But I am not giving up. There is so much you learn when you surrender your marriage and all your troubles to God. I’ve learned the value of life, because I was a few capsules away from suicide. Check out the article on How to save Your Marriage Alone. And if ever you feel its just too much – give it to God and ask Him to lead you.

Eventually, little by little, things will get better. The biggest and best change will be in Your attitude and behaviour. Read the Power of a praying wife – it will help you a lot.

I had a terrible time dealing with it. I asked God why, “why are you letting this happen”, but do you know what? He brought me to a point now that I can stand back and look and this whole situation and actually find it funny. Because our Father is telling me that this is not at all sooo bad, there are people out in the world with worse problems.

Just remember Nandi, God is in control and what your husband and mine are doing is not from God at all. Just place your husband in God’s hands, rest in God and become still and know that He is God. Don’t beg him anymore, just let him be…Let go and let God deal with him my sister. Read Job 11:16.

Practice it my sister, I know it is not easy, but with Jesus it is possible. The enemy is attacking me and I asked my blood sister why, I am to do nothing to these people. She reminded me that Jesus did nothing to anybody, but yet, He was beaten and bruised and He died on the cross of Calvary so that we can be free. When you are blind and in darkness you do not see that you are wrong, but God sees and He will never ever leave or forsake us. Draw from His strength and rest in Him and in His peace. Love you, Leonie