Comments on: Scriptures Dealing With Seeking the Counsel of Others http://www.marriagemissions.com/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/ a Christian Marriage Website Sat, 21 Nov 2009 10:11:26 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.3 hourly 1 By: Cynthia http://www.marriagemissions.com/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/comment-page-1/#comment-4980 Cynthia Sat, 26 Sep 2009 08:06:10 +0000 http://www.marriagemissions.net/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/#comment-4980 (NIGERIA)  Hi, yesterday night I thought that there might be a quarrel between me and my husband, so I totally kept quiet completely. I just allowed him to keep talking alone and did not respond in my usual way. In fact, I started praying and reading through the Bible and you know what? When he realized that I wasn't prepared to argue with him, he stopped talking. I now realize that peace in my house actually lies in my hands. With prayers I can change my attitude and that of my husband's. Please pray for me so that I can sustain this peace that has even improved my health recently. Thanks to God and to everyone. (NIGERIA)  Hi, yesterday night I thought that there might be a quarrel between me and my husband, so I totally kept quiet completely. I just allowed him to keep talking alone and did not respond in my usual way. In fact, I started praying and reading through the Bible and you know what? When he realized that I wasn’t prepared to argue with him, he stopped talking. I now realize that peace in my house actually lies in my hands. With prayers I can change my attitude and that of my husband’s. Please pray for me so that I can sustain this peace that has even improved my health recently. Thanks to God and to everyone.

]]> By: Cynthia http://www.marriagemissions.com/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/comment-page-1/#comment-4953 Cynthia Tue, 22 Sep 2009 19:42:56 +0000 http://www.marriagemissions.net/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/#comment-4953 (NIGERIA) Thank you Lo, for your suggestions. I pray that I would gradually learn and perfect these skills by God's grace. Remain Blessed. (NIGERIA) Thank you Lo, for your suggestions. I pray that I would gradually learn and perfect these skills by God’s grace. Remain Blessed.

]]> By: Lo http://www.marriagemissions.com/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/comment-page-1/#comment-4945 Lo Mon, 21 Sep 2009 17:39:12 +0000 http://www.marriagemissions.net/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/#comment-4945 (USA)  Hi Cynthia, I think you have the right approach to your problem. You need to prepare for the strikes of the devil before he attacks as it says in Ephesians 6:10-18. That means staying alert at all times everyday; like I said earlier, there are plenty of opportunies to argue. First of all there are arguments caused by your spouse and others by you. I will start by identifying how your husband may start arguments: 1. Previous disagreements help you realise the things you don't agree on. So you will know when the same issue is brought back by your husband. 2. If you see that your husband is in a bad mood, you should be careful not to get into petty arguments. For example, changing the TV channel could cause arguments. So you will handle the situation with care at such times. 3. Sometimes your spouse knows the things that upset you and may just start to infuriate you. If your husband is the flirty type, he may make remarks about women on TV. Other times he may just say bad things about your family. So you will be prepared to ignore him before he does it. 4. Your spouse may just argue to find out how much you respect his point of view or submit to him. (You will know when an argument is not really an argument.) And these are ways that you may start an argument: 1. All of the above 2. If you get anxious or entertain worries you may decide to "talk about issues" with your husband. Wait until you are calm enough to air your views properly. Be prepared to get bad responses and don't let them escalate into "i knew you wouldn't listen!". There will be other opportunies to discuss your affairs. 3. I've realised that certain unrealistic TV programs remind me of what my husband "is doing wrong". These cause me to compare him and envy other men. Let the word of God be your only standard and don't fill your head with worldly views of marriage. If you do, you will eventually lash out at him telling him how better the outside world is. When you have practiced how to avoid arguments, start on the restoration of your relationship by practicing to agree. Learn to be pursuasive, to listen, show that you value what he says. Your husband will learn and will do the same for you eventually. The first days may be challenging, but when he realises the new you, he will adjust and start listening to you more. Reading the Bible has a calming effect during your trials and it will teach you patience, longsuffering and faith on the good things to come. Do not grow tired or be discouraged when your husband takes long to respond to your new personality. Its a learning process for both of you and will eventually pay off. Galatians 6:9 (USA)  Hi Cynthia, I think you have the right approach to your problem. You need to prepare for the strikes of the devil before he attacks as it says in Ephesians 6:10-18. That means staying alert at all times everyday; like I said earlier, there are plenty of opportunies to argue.

First of all there are arguments caused by your spouse and others by you. I will start by identifying how your husband may start arguments:

1. Previous disagreements help you realise the things you don’t agree on. So you will know when the same issue is brought back by your husband.

2. If you see that your husband is in a bad mood, you should be careful not to get into petty arguments. For example, changing the TV channel could cause arguments. So you will handle the situation with care at such times.

3. Sometimes your spouse knows the things that upset you and may just start to infuriate you. If your husband is the flirty type, he may make remarks about women on TV. Other times he may just say bad things about your family. So you will be prepared to ignore him before he does it.

4. Your spouse may just argue to find out how much you respect his point of view or submit to him. (You will know when an argument is not really an argument.)

And these are ways that you may start an argument:

1. All of the above

2. If you get anxious or entertain worries you may decide to “talk about issues” with your husband. Wait until you are calm enough to air your views properly. Be prepared to get bad responses and don’t let them escalate into “i knew you wouldn’t listen!”. There will be other opportunies to discuss your affairs.

3. I’ve realised that certain unrealistic TV programs remind me of what my husband “is doing wrong”. These cause me to compare him and envy other men. Let the word of God be your only standard and don’t fill your head with worldly views of marriage. If you do, you will eventually lash out at him telling him how better the outside world is.

When you have practiced how to avoid arguments, start on the restoration of your relationship by practicing to agree. Learn to be pursuasive, to listen, show that you value what he says. Your husband will learn and will do the same for you eventually.

The first days may be challenging, but when he realises the new you, he will adjust and start listening to you more. Reading the Bible has a calming effect during your trials and it will teach you patience, longsuffering and faith on the good things to come.

Do not grow tired or be discouraged when your husband takes long to respond to your new personality. Its a learning process for both of you and will eventually pay off. Galatians 6:9

]]> By: Cynthia http://www.marriagemissions.com/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/comment-page-1/#comment-4939 Cynthia Mon, 21 Sep 2009 06:09:12 +0000 http://www.marriagemissions.net/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/#comment-4939 (NIGERIA) Thanks Lo for your advice. I know that I have the bad habit of arguing. But how can I detect an issue that might lead to arguing and stop before it escalates? (NIGERIA) Thanks Lo for your advice. I know that I have the bad habit of arguing. But how can I detect an issue that might lead to arguing and stop before it escalates?

]]> By: Cynthia http://www.marriagemissions.com/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/comment-page-1/#comment-4938 Cynthia Mon, 21 Sep 2009 05:39:52 +0000 http://www.marriagemissions.net/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/#comment-4938 (NIGERIA) Thanks Lo for your advice. I must confess that I do argue a lot. My main problem is that by the time I realize that I am arguing things will have gone wrong. How can I always detect that an issue might lead to an argument, and stop before it is too late? (NIGERIA) Thanks Lo for your advice. I must confess that I do argue a lot. My main problem is that by the time I realize that I am arguing things will have gone wrong. How can I always detect that an issue might lead to an argument, and stop before it is too late?

]]> By: Lo http://www.marriagemissions.com/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/comment-page-1/#comment-4931 Lo Sun, 20 Sep 2009 06:28:30 +0000 http://www.marriagemissions.net/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/#comment-4931 (USA)  Hi Cynthia, I know what you are going through. I went through that and realised it had to come to a stop. I did a lot of arguing, ultimatums, crying, moods and revenge early in our marriage. This is the world's way of getting what we want. I thought if i said "Do this or else..." it will make him change. I know people say you have to fight for your rights and be firm with your husband. What if he says he doesn't care whether you leave him or not? Think about it. These experiences bring you down low at the Lord's feet and teach you peaceful ways of resolving conflict. From my experience, there are many opportunities to argue everyday. Even when you feel the need to put your point across, the other person may be too proud or opinionated to listen. Did you know that sometimes keeping quiet makes you seem wiser and the next time you open your mouth people will listen? Arguing and quarelling brings bad ideas like "I married the wrong person." You are right, continuing this behaviour may cause your marriage to break up. Don't let yourself or your husband find an "understanding" person "out there" because the atmosphere at home is hostile. Those who have read my previous posts know that i always emphasize on "husbands being won without a word." This usually applies when dealing with arrogant people who are being unreasonable and you have tried but can't find a way to get through to them (like unbelievers). Yet you want your marriage to work. So instead of going your way to try and sell him your opinions i suggest you let somethings go for now. Talking hasn't helped you has it? Communicate your troubles to God in prayer and let your actions speak to your husband right now. It's also important for you to appreciate that your husband is the head and should have the last word. God created it that way, that's why your husband may feel the need to be heard and submitted to. I hope you agree with submission because that's the secret to a man's heart. Believe me i know what i am talking about. My submission and the quiet spirit i developed did wonders. Now my husband listens to me and respects me more. So if you humble yourself you get exalted. Check out these verses from Proverbs: Proverbs 20:3 Proverbs 19:11 Proverbs 17:28 Proverbs 13:3 Proverbs 21:23 Proverbs 25:6-7 Proverbs 26:4 Proverbs 27:15-16 Proverbs 29:23 (USA)  Hi Cynthia, I know what you are going through. I went through that and realised it had to come to a stop. I did a lot of arguing, ultimatums, crying, moods and revenge early in our marriage. This is the world’s way of getting what we want. I thought if i said “Do this or else…” it will make him change. I know people say you have to fight for your rights and be firm with your husband. What if he says he doesn’t care whether you leave him or not? Think about it. These experiences bring you down low at the Lord’s feet and teach you peaceful ways of resolving conflict.

From my experience, there are many opportunities to argue everyday. Even when you feel the need to put your point across, the other person may be too proud or opinionated to listen. Did you know that sometimes keeping quiet makes you seem wiser and the next time you open your mouth people will listen?

Arguing and quarelling brings bad ideas like “I married the wrong person.” You are right, continuing this behaviour may cause your marriage to break up. Don’t let yourself or your husband find an “understanding” person “out there” because the atmosphere at home is hostile.

Those who have read my previous posts know that i always emphasize on “husbands being won without a word.” This usually applies when dealing with arrogant people who are being unreasonable and you have tried but can’t find a way to get through to them (like unbelievers). Yet you want your marriage to work.

So instead of going your way to try and sell him your opinions i suggest you let somethings go for now. Talking hasn’t helped you has it? Communicate your troubles to God in prayer and let your actions speak to your husband right now.

It’s also important for you to appreciate that your husband is the head and should have the last word. God created it that way, that’s why your husband may feel the need to be heard and submitted to. I hope you agree with submission because that’s the secret to a man’s heart. Believe me i know what i am talking about.

My submission and the quiet spirit i developed did wonders. Now my husband listens to me and respects me more. So if you humble yourself you get exalted.

Check out these verses from Proverbs:

Proverbs 20:3
Proverbs 19:11
Proverbs 17:28
Proverbs 13:3
Proverbs 21:23
Proverbs 25:6-7
Proverbs 26:4
Proverbs 27:15-16
Proverbs 29:23

]]> By: Cynthia http://www.marriagemissions.com/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/comment-page-1/#comment-4930 Cynthia Sat, 19 Sep 2009 18:06:48 +0000 http://www.marriagemissions.net/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/#comment-4930 (NIGERIA) Hi, I have been married for over four years now. My marriage has been horrible for me and my husband as we keep arguing and quarreling over every little thing. I want peace to reign in my home because I don't want my marriage to break up. I have children who are still tender and I really want a happy home for them. I need honest advice and prayers from everyone. Thanks. (NIGERIA) Hi, I have been married for over four years now. My marriage has been horrible for me and my husband as we keep arguing and quarreling over every little thing. I want peace to reign in my home because I don’t want my marriage to break up. I have children who are still tender and I really want a happy home for them. I need honest advice and prayers from everyone. Thanks.

]]> By: Christie http://www.marriagemissions.com/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/comment-page-1/#comment-3677 Christie Sun, 24 May 2009 18:38:17 +0000 http://www.marriagemissions.net/scriptures-dealing-with-seeking-counsel/#comment-3677 (N. IRELAND)  Hi, I'm 46; married for 21 years this December but for the past 5 years my marriage has been under a lot of pressure to the point where I want to leave my wife. So any help would be welcome. (N. IRELAND)  Hi, I’m 46; married for 21 years this December but for the past 5 years my marriage has been under a lot of pressure to the point where I want to leave my wife. So any help would be welcome.

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