SCRIPTURES ON DIVORCE
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The following scriptures use the text found in the New International Version of the Bible:
If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.
Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accept them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring.
So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. “I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself [or his wife] with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty.
[Jesus said] It has been said, “Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.” But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Some Pharisees came to him [Jesus] to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Some Pharisees came and tested him [Jesus] by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” “What did Moses command you?” he replied. They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
By law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress, even though she marries another man.
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Are you married? Do not seek a divorce.
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(USA) Hi Dineo, I wanted to make some comments after reading your present situation. I was struck by your comment about how you measure up against your husband’s ex-girlfriend (the one with whom you say he is having an affair).
I simply wanted to say, from my own personal observations combined with my own walk with the Lord, that I know what it’s like to make those comparisons but I also know that it is of the world.
Perhaps your husband is looking at his ex-girlfriend because she owns things or looks a certain way, but only the world puts a high value on things like that. The more we walk with Christ, the more we are to be called out of the world. (See: John 15:19.) If your husband likes those things about someone else instead of the wife that God gave him (you), then he is looking at things through fleshly, worldly eyes. Obviously, that’s his choice and you can’t change that. But what you can change or make a choice on, is not to look at things the same way.
You are a wife and have a child by the husband that God gave you. That is honorable in the eyes of the Lord. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. You are now a Godly woman. God told the world to be fruitful and multiply in many places in the Bible. Don’t ever let anyone make you ashamed of that, or who you are. You are precious in the eyes of God.
The other thing I wanted to say is regarding your statement that the woman your husband is having an affair with, goes to your church? If that is correct then I am appalled.
If this woman is actively having an affair with a married man and then is going to church as though it is nothing, then that is very dangerous. But it also requires action from other believers.
Read I Corinthians 5. Paul talks about two people in the Corinthian church who were committing acts that even the pagans didn’t commit and no one was doing anything about it. In other words, everyone was turning a blind eye to it. If the woman in your church is currently having an affair with a married man (your husband) you cannot turn a blind eye to it.
I Corinthians 13 talks about love. And it says, in verse 6, that love does not rejoice in evil, but rejoices in the truth. If your husband and his ex-girlfriend are trying to separate themselves because they know an affair is wrong, then God is already working on the problem. But if they are continuing the affair and you are sure of this, you cannot turn a blind eye to it. You must tell the pastor or another believer you trust. That cannot continue – it is a stink in God’s nostrils. Not only that, but it is incumbent upon anyone calling themselves a believer to do what is right. I Corinthians 13:6 talks about telling the truth.
The only caveat I would add is if the affair is not physical. If it is a physical affair and is currently ongoing then you must bring it to the church’s attention since she attends your church. If it is an "emotional" affair, where they are just having conversations, etc. then, although that is not appropriate either, it is less serious and requires slightly different action.
If it is a non-physical affair I would suggest approaching this lady at some point before or after church services, and trying to talk to her about it – not out of anger but out of desiring the best for you, your family and her as well. We are to lift our fellow brethren up. In doing this you would not only be helping your family out of love, but you would be helping her as well.
Please read the verses above as I think they are appropriate to your situation. And pray for God’s guidance. But I had to point these things out from my own lessons in what I’ve learned in my walk as a Christian.
With love and prayers for you, your little one, and your husband and the other woman. God will prevail.
(UNITED STATES) Hey Dineo! It is good you are fighting for your marriage! Pray like it depends on God and work like it depends on you!
If you guys can get it…pick up the book, “The Divorce Remedy”. It is a great book for you in a time like this! And it gives you steps on how to handle this…and it will question you also. We have to remember that we can find faults in our spouses…but we have to look at us first…ask God to change us..and then we can continue to move forward in saving these marriages.
P.S LEONIE! KEEP UR HEAD UP! PRAY! READ SELF HELP BOOKS! AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST…READ THE WORD! AND NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER QUIT!!!!!!!! OUR GOD IS GOOD!!!!!!!!!
(SOUTH AFRICA) Good Morning All. Jerome, thanks for your encouragement for Dineo and myself, God bless you.
Dineo I went through this long weekend. It started on Thursday night, when my husband drank himself drunk and came looking for trouble with me. You know when he started cursing and swearing at me I blessed him and the enemy could not handle it. He swore at God and at me. He told me that the church I belong to is no good for me. He hit me in front of my boys.
His girlfriend phoned me to ask me if she can come see me. She is a child. Dineo is with a child. She does not even look like she can be 20 years old, but 17 or 18. He is a man of 35 years old. I told her what has happened and I also told her that she took my husband. They destroyed my marriage, but she is going to be no part of my kids lives.
I do not have time for the devil and his little demon people. I had enough of them in my life. It is time that we as children of God can take a stand in Our Father and stand up for ourselves. No fighting physically, but with God’s word. It is our weapon. God gave me Psalm:109 to read. It is harsh, very harsh.
My brother in-law also wanted to hurt me because of his brother. You guys see, I am living with my in-laws. but God is busy preparing a place for me and my boys to take us out there. My husband is not even working, he is struggling to find a job. He bothers me all the time and tries to tell me what to do and what not to do. I have a Father in Heaven who takes care of me.
Our message in church yesterday was about changing the climate. And our teaching was on the Gospel of Luke –how the climate changed as Jesus lives on earth all the time. I believe that message was for me. You guys must remember that Jesus did nothing to nobody, but still they persecuted Him, beat Him, spit in his face and crucified Him. He did it for us, for them, for everyone. What we are going through seems tough, but always remember that it is nothing compared to what He went through for us. And God will come through for all of us, because He is not a man that He should lie. Stand on his word, everyone.
Be blessed. Love Leonie
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hello all. Thank you so much for all the advice – I really appreciate it. Firstly to LT, I was away from the "state" where my husband and I lived for 3 months, just trying to gain perspective on the situation. It was a tough 3months, but I learned a lot about my own ungodly behavior in the marriage, and I prayed hard for God to deliver me from bitterness etc.
As for the other woman, I can honestly say that I did tell people about it, but nothing is standing in her way. You see the situation is all very complicated and even worse now is that she is CONVINCED that she and my husband are getting married. I know this because she is wearing an engagement ring and planning a big wedding. However, in this, I kind of took Hezekiah’s attitude – and I left it to God. Amazingly, I spoke to my husband recently who told me that he was very unhappy – about his life in general.
As for Leonie, GIRL – how hectic! I know exactly how you feel! Look, please in everything, do not allow bitterness to grow in your heart. If you want to know how not to – just pray and cry out to God. If you let it fester, it will become so heavy a burden, you’ll go CRAZY! So, please deal with that first. I can imagine what a damp and dreary long weekend you’ve had – mine was not too great either! But when things look like their really going mad, that’s when we have to hold on tighter to God. Ask God to give you a spirit of revelation and wisdom – so that you can see this situation the way He does, and act as He directs you. I am with you in prayers.
To everyone, may God bless you and your families incredibly! I am praying for you all. It’s not easy, but when we have our crowns, we’ll find that it was worth the struggle. Stay strong. In faith, Dineo
(UNITED STATES) Hello my name is Rita. I kicked my husband out because I felt that he was cheating on me. He said that he wasn’t but he is selling drugs again. He doesn’t want to go to counseling and he has already filed for a divorce. I got the divorce 6-9-08. I know that God can change things around and I am asking for you to pray for me and my husband. I know that getting a divorce is an abomination in Gods eye’s. So I am asking for prayer for me & my Husband (Larzaus). Thank you, and God Bless you for this website and ministry.
(U.S.A.) Rita, There is another wonderful website for spouses who are "standing in faith" for the restoration of their marriage, divorced or not. It’s called, rejoicemarriageministries.com. With your husband’s name being Lazarus I believe your marriage will be resurrected from the dead just as Jesus’ friend Lazarus was resurrected in the Bible. Keep standing and believing, never give up, "nothing is too hard for God!" God bless you!
(UNITED STATES) Thank you so much for this website. I’m also a divorced Christian woman, still in love with my former husband and I am "standing in faith" that God will restore our marriage. I had an extra marital affair over 3 years ago and have been divorced only 1 year. He cannot get over the past and says there’s no way we will ever be together again. I’m not giving up and I’m not giving in until God brings him back to me. No one else is for me but my former husband.
(UNITED STATES) I entered a comment the other day before I read the scripture at the very top in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Does this mean due to me having an affair, and my former husband was the one that filed for divorce, does that mean it’s an abomination if he were to come back to me? I’m confused.
(USA) Hi Gloria, This section of verses you mention, in how I read it, only refers to if you had already married another. Your previous post (above this latest one) says that your husband divorced you but that you are hoping for reconciliation so my impression is that you have not remarried (and neither has he).
Another note, not necessarily related to your current situation, is to keep in mind that Deuteronomy is part of Moses’ law – that the "old law/old covenant" that the Israelites kept before Christ came. It was a rather harsh law. Additionally, Christ said to the Pharisees that the only reason Moses allowed divorce at all was because of the "hardness of their hearts." See Matt. 19:8 If you also notice, he says from the beginning it wasn’t so. In other words, that men shouldn’t be putting their wives away. You’ve already said your husband is in a state of unforgiveness of you – that’s what causes people to leave their spouses or "put them away."
That’s something your husband has to work through, if he wants to. I like your repentance at having the affair and your desire for reconciliation. Perhaps your husband will come to a state of forgiveness of you and you two can reconcile.
If you want to know the New Testament laws on marriage and divorce, and you don’t already know them, you should read I Corinthians 7. I Corinthians 7 is the current standing law (as opposed to the Old Law in Deuteronomy). Keep in mind when Christ died on the cross the veil was rent in two meaning we no longer go through priests (like the Jews did) to get to God. We no longer make sacrifices – we go to God directly and pray to God directly and have a relationship with Him directly. (Incidentally, this is why some Christians have a problem with the Catholic religion – because they are using priests as a "go-between" between the people and Christ, having people confess their sins to a priest and pray to saints instead of Christ, which flies in the face of why Christ was crucified).
So, Christ’s crucifixion was to replace the Old Law. That doesn’t mean that the Old Testament is null and void- quite the contrary. There are MANY really good verses and resources in the Old Testament, as well as a lot of prophecy. It’s just that the Old Law does not apply anymore because Christ is the "fulfillment" of the Old Law and came to die for us and our sins thereby doing away with the Old Law – we are to follow the New Covenant as laid out in the New Testament.
Hope this helps. With love, LT
(SOUTH AFRICA) Please pray for me, my name is Harold. I have been married for 18 years. My wife Heather wants to divorce and move to the UK, leaving me and the kids here. We have two kids. I have prayed so much. I think God wants to tell me something but I don’t know how to listen. I love Heather very much but somewhere I went wrong. Please pray for us; I know we can sort this out. Thank you so much. Harold