I don’t know if you should have married your husband in the beginning. But you did. And I don’t care if your friends don’t see him as attractive as they think he should be for him to be “worthy” to be your husband. Actually, they sound pretty shallow to me as far as friends, if they focus on the outside rather than the heart of someone (as God does). I think I’d change friends. I’m reminded of 1 Corinthians 15:33. It sounds like you need friends who won’t plant wrong thoughts into your mind and tempt you to stray from building a stronger marriage.

The fact is that you ARE married — whether you should have married or not. You also have two little girls who need to witness a mom who is a promise keeper — one who doesn’t reject their father because he’s not attractive enough. They need to see that you are a woman of character who won’t build walls in relationship against your husband, their father, because he’s not your “type”, but will instead study marriage and study your husband to find relationship bridges that can be built.

I like what author Zig Ziglar wrote (and believe it to be true): “I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy successful. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s possible that you did marry the wrong person. However if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having marriage the right person after all.

“On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to BE the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you.”

Vicky, I hope you will “BE the right kind of person” — someone of honor and perseverance to do what God would have you do. Honor your wedding vows. Quit focusing on what you DON’T see that is good in your husband and instead look for the gold that is buried deeper. Don’t go the way of the world and allow yourself to lose interest in making what you have going for you work, as God intends.

Also, you might want to look in the “Marriage Stages” section of our web site — particularly in the article “The Marriage Map” because it sure appears that you’re in Stage Two. If you can whether this stage with integrity, you might be pleasantly surprised by what you’ll have going for you in the future of your marriage.

When I “fell” out of love with my husband, God impressed upon my heart to start looking deeper and start treating my husband with love that is extravagant, as God gives me. Apply the principles of Philippians 4:8-9 and focus on that which is “right” and “admirable” and such. Throw out the negative thoughts and focus on that which is good. God will help you with this as you commit it to him. I found as I was persistent (see James 1:3-5) and faced this with maturity, God gave me abundantly more blessings than I ever thought possible. As I invested in my husband, not only did I see his better qualities, but he also was inspired to be an even better man than he was before. It was an added bonus. I can honestly tell you that I am passionately in love with him. What was dead is now alive and greater than I ever imagined possible, because God is in it!

I hope you will think and pray about all of this. If you keep the sex drought going and you keep being impatient with your husband, he will become more of a monster in the way he acts (or you perceive his actions) than he is to you now. Please don’t go with the logic of the world. Apply the principles of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 in your actions of love and Romans 12:1-2 by being “transformed by the renewing of your mind” by studying and applying God’s principles for loving, as laid out in the Bible. If you do this, God could very well amaze you as to the ways in which you will fall in love with your husband. I pray so.