In just a week or so we connected for the first time, as we talked about how much we needed support and prayer for our children. However, through the years of our relationship there’s been a constant pain of missing our true loves, who still reject each of us. Both are living in a sham of pretend wedlock with other people, and in my case, she is still involved with the preacher who counseled her to divorce me, due to ‘overwhelming incompatibilities,’ as he told me, just prior to her filing for divorce. At the time she was his personal secretary.

How to resolve this, now, in our own marriage, is our deepest desire. I was searching for a book on reconciliation within a broken trust marriage, “Marriage Under Cover – Bob and Audrey Meisner,” when this site showed up in the search. Reading about your own pain in the face of broken marital trust has prompted me to respond. If you can watch the Meisners during a brief interview, on YouTube, please go to The couple are just so real that you understand the deepest pain in your own life, and then the most wonderful healing that our Creator gives to those who trust Him above even “christian” counseling.

There is nothing that compares to the unconditional Love of our Savior! Applying His Love to our own marriage is just the ultimate of human joy! I hope this helps.

From the time the incident happened, I have not been going to Church. I thought God had forsaken me. I was deeply mistaken. I have now realised that I need him more than ever.

In my country rape is a very serious crime. My housekeeper came to my house with her mother and as she was stopping work. She told my husband that she had forgiven him. I could not do anything about it because the victim herself forgave my husband. Her mother was very annoyed, but later forgave my husband as well.

So now it is between him and myself. He keeps telling me how sorry he is and that we should try again. I will try to look for a christian counselor. The one Pastor I used to be open with, left for another town. I will let God guide me in whatever decisions I will be making.

I’m curious – did your housekeeper report this to the police? What your husband did is rape. Does your country enforce laws against that? I’m appalled at reading that he raped a housekeeper.

I think you can look into counseling for yourself and even joint counseling, too. You will have to get close to God and let Him guide you. I cannot give any advice, unfortunately. I wish I knew what to say. I would say if you do seek counseling, make sure it is with Christian counselors (at least for you individually). You cannot make your husband a believer but your faith is what will see you through.

I do not think there is anything wrong with you abstaining from sex to test for STD’s. That’s only fair since he chose to go with someone else.

The one piece of advice I would give, from my own marriage experience, is to make sure all discussions are done with calmness. Once emotions become too tense, conversations have a tendency to degrade into fruitless conversation and everyone starts speaking from hurt, instead of a desire to build up and move forward to solutions. So make sure you pray first before all conversation and move forward in love while speaking. If it becomes impossible, you should take a break until the discussion can resume again when everyone has cooled off.

I will keep your in my prayers. God bless.

My husband had sex with my housekeeper of 4 years last month. I was so very hurt. The housekeeper told me he had just forced himself on her and that is the reason she had to stop work.

My husband is not a believer, we got married when both of us were not believers, but I started going to church but he still does not want to come along.

After this ordeal, he says he is sorry and that it won’t happen again. Now he wants us to reconnect, but I am having second thoughts about it. I have forgiven him but sometimes I get so angry when he brings up the issue on intimacy. It has been a month. We haven’t been intimate. I feel I am not ready as I am still hurting. Do you think I will drive him to look for someone again to have sex with? Do you think sex will bring us closer again?

We have not been to therapy yet. I am also thinking of taking medical tests for STIs. I am so confused – one minute I feel like I can give in, the other I am so cross with him to the extent of packing my belongings and moving out. He insists he loves me and admits what he did was embarrassing and stupid. My father and mother came to pick me up so that we could just end the marriage of 7 years. But he refused and pleaded with them not to take me with them. Please advise me with your words of wisdom. I have followed some of the advice from this website and it worked well. Please pray for me. I still love him deep down.