Comments on: Shattered Vows: Getting Beyond Betrayal

By: Desiree

Desiree — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 19:18:20 +0000

(USA) My husband who is African had an affair with a woman who he had dated before we married. She had pursued him subtly for the last 4 years of our 16 year marriage. He yielded to her advances during his last trip to Africa and I found out less than a week after his return. My heart was shattered.

He reluctantly gave up the relationship a month later but would still take her calls. He reluctantly went to counselling a few times and then stopped. It took him 7 months to finally write me a letter of apology and buy me a new diamond ring after I told him to leave.

I don’t know how to determine if he is genuine in his repentance. I do not know what other demands to make to begin to rebuild trust. I don’t know if I should insist on counselling for someone unwilling. His progress is slow and the Lord has prevented him from traveling for a while. Sometimes I feel up and then I feel down. It’s been 11 months and I don’t know when I will feel normal again. -Wounded Heart

By: Caroline

Caroline — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 09:46:31 +0000

(UNITED KINGDOM, LONDON) This is a prayer I’ve been saying on a daily basis, especially when memories of my husband’s betrayal start to come back to me, I want to forgive him and with the help of my Lord Jesus Christ, I will. My best friend gave it to me and it’s been such a comfort, so please anyone who is suffering just as I am, copy this onto a piece of paper and take it with you EVERYWHERE.

Lord Jesus,
Thank you for caring about how much my heart has been hurt.
You know the pain I am feeling from … (offenders name)
Right now I release all that pain into Your hands.
Thank you, Lord, for dying on the cross for me
and extending Your forgiveness to me.
As an act of Your will, I choose to forgive … (offenders name)
Right now, I take … (offenders name) off my emotional hook,
and I place this person on Your hook.
I refuse all thoughts of revenge.
I trust that in Your time and in Your way
You will deal with my offender as You see fit.
And Lord, thank You for giving me Your power to forgive
so that I can be set free.
In Your precious name I pray, Amen.

Also my friend sent me a passage from one of Bishop T.D Jakes’ books which might be helpful, I hope it is.

We can no longer ostracize the victim and let the assailant escape! Every time you see some insecure, vulnerable, intimidated adult who has unnatural fear in his eyes, low self-esteem or an apologetic posture, he is saying, "Carest thou not that I perish?" Every time you see a bra-less woman in men’s jeans, choosing to act like a man rather than to sleep with one; every time you see a handsome young man who could have been someone’s father, walking like someone’s mother – you may be looking child abuse in the face. If you think it’s ugly, you’re right. If you think it’s wrong, you’re right again. If you think it can’t be healed, you’re dead wrong! If you look closely into these eyes I’ve so feebly tried to describe, you will sense that something in this person is weak, hurt, maimed or disturbed… but fixable.

May the lord continue to heal all those wounded hearts, wipe away the tears we cry and replace the pain with love. Caroline XoX

By: Mika

Mika — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 09:55:14 +0000

(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Serati, I know exactly how you feel. My husband had an affair with this woman since Feb this year and I found out in May. We decided to give our marriage another try and he promised not to do it again. Well, last week I found a sms on his phone from her and I called her and she said he told her we were no longer together. How can he make a vow to me and break it? How can he go out and cheat with her and still come home to make love to me? I also have a child and don’t know how to handle the situation.

By: Serati

Serati — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 14:47:47 +0000

(SOUTH AFRICA) I am going through the trauma and pain of an affair and worse of all there is a child involved which I don’t know how to handle it. My husband is very quiet about it. He does not want to discuss anything, and lately I found out he is still sending her sms that are so erotic. I am so in trauma. Sometimes I feel leaving him is the option I should take because it is going to come up all the time.