Within your heart, you want to believe with every fiber of your being that your spouse will never hurt you again when he promises you he won’t be abusive in the future. He may truly be repentant and may promise you everything you would ever want to hear, but that doesn’t mean that he will truly be able to keep those promises. Some abusers won’t and some abusers can’t. They may not have the strength within them (at least not yet, or if ever) to stop themselves from giving into their impulses to hurt you when they become enraged.
So how do you know if they really will stop the abuse in the future and if they indeed have changed? The truth is that you can never be completely certain, but there are some signs you can look for, that may help you determine this as best as you can.
Before we lead you to the article, we want to preface all of this by saying that we are aware that sometimes it is the wife who is the abuser. If that is the case in your marriage, please reverse the “he’s” and “she’s” to apply to your situation and glean what you can use.
With that said, below is a link to an article written by Brenda Branson, posted on the Growthtrac.com web site, that we recommend you read to help you with this very issue. Please click onto the link to read:
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(SOUTH AFRICA) I absolutely agree with this article. Thank you so very much for people like Brenda that is willing to bring such hidden things to the light so that they may be dealt with. I, from personal experience, know what it is like to be living with someone who is verbally and emotionally abusive. I have done it for 14 years. And have been through repeated patterns of abusive behaviour, then leaving and coming back with the hope and belief that "this time" he has really changed.
I think it is not so much what he says (all the promises he makes), but by his actions that you can judge whether or not there is real change. You can only judge by the fruit of the spirit, and it has to be over an extended period of time. I have all too often been so quick to take him back, or go back to him because I wanted to believe with all my heart that he won’t hurt me again. It only lasted a short while and then when he felt that he’d successfully won me back, he became "arrogant" and the abuse started all over again! This is not the lifestyle God meant for his daughters to have. We are not to be slaves or in bondage to anyone, but only a bondservant of Christ.