This week we’d like to give you marriage tips on the subject of “Spiritual Responsibility In Marriage” for both husbands and wives, given by us as a team. I (Steve) will address a marriage tip on that subject for the husbands and Cindy will address a marriage tip for the wives.

Keep in mind that the tips we send out to you are for the both of you. If one of you is receiving the Marriage Message, please lovingly share all or part of it with your spouse (if he or she is open to it). Our intention is that you’ll both become pro-active in working for the strength of your marriage. But whatever you do, don’t use it like a weapon, hitting them over the head with the message we’re trying to convey. This could make them angry and resentful and cause more damage than anything else.

Marriage Tip for Husbands: I’ve been told many times that probably the single biggest concern expressed by women is that their husbands are contributing little, if anything, to the spiritual health of their marriage. They say things like, “He’s a wonderful provider -or- “a great dad,” but he just doesn’t give me “what I need spiritually.”

There are two things I’ve come to understand about this subject (through my own struggles in this area):

1. One of the hardest thing for any husband to remember is to put into practice what Paul says Christ set for us an example in Ephesians 5:26, “to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing of the water from the word.”
2. As we follow Christ’s example and lovingly wash our wives in the word of God —we strengthen our marital intimacy and bond more than almost anything else we can do for her. To wash our wives in the word doesn’t mean preaching to them or teaching them a Sunday school lesson. For many of us, it will take some work to get good at this. But I can assure you the payoff with your wife will be worth it.

Here are a few starter ideas on how you can take spiritual responsibility in your marriage:

(A) Find a devotional (maybe on marriage) that you can read together every night before you turn out the lights.

(B) Read scripture together for as little as ten minutes and then share any insights you may have gotten from the passage.

(C) When God teaches you or you learn something from His word, be sure to share that with your wife.

(D) Ask your wife how you can be praying for her through the day while you’re apart.

(E) Start the day together by praying together.

As we take spiritual responsibility in our marriages, we very well may find that other “problem” areas will begin to resolve themselves too. And men: part of your spiritual responsibility will be to love your wife enough to resist the temptation to draw your wife’s attention to what Cindy will be sharing next.

Marriage Tip for Wives: I want to urge you ladies to remember that YOU AREN’T YOUR HUSBAND’S HOLY SPIRIT. It’s taken me a lot of years and a lot of anguish to finally listen to the Lord on this matter.

When I finally followed the Lord’s guiding, I discovered that God has faithfully brought peace into this area of our lives. (But I know that I’ll continually have to “be on the alert” not to fall into the trap again of being a “Spiritual Nag.” It’s a weakness that’s easy to fall into.)

I’ve come to realize that it’s not our responsibility as wives, to shame or accuse our husbands of not being spiritual enough (if we perceive it that way). It’s not our responsibility to make them feel convicted if they’re not taking on the responsibility as the spiritual head of our home in a way that we judge they should. OUR HUSBANDS AREN’T ANSWERABLE TO US FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR; THEY’RE ANSWERABLE TO GOD. Our responsibility in our marriage is to be our husband’s helpmate.

I’ve seen repeatedly, how God has shown wives (including me) how to help and encourage husbands in the spiritual areas of married lives, without nagging or accusing. If you have a problem in this area, ask the Lord for His wisdom and guidance, and then listen and do what He’s prompting you to do. He may have you respectfully say something to your husband. But it may also be that the Lord will have you live out the words in 1 Peter 3 where it says they “may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”

Truly pray about it, and watch to see how “God will unravel this thing.”

Have a blessed week!
Steve and Cindy Wright

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