As far as telling you the “responsibilities” and “roles” that each of you will have as husband and wife, that is difficult advice for anyone to give you because it varies according to the influences of different cultures, plus various expectations, ways in which you were raised, circumstances that are occurring in your lives, etc. Ephesians 5, and 1 Peter 3 tells you some of what is expected, as well as other parts of the Bible, but beyond that, it varies.

What I would strongly encourage you to do is to first read through the section of the web site “Is He or She The One.” You might think this is a bit late to be determining this question, since the wedding is scheduled to happen soon, but you haven’t said your vows yet, so it isn’t too late to be as sure as you can. A wedding can be canceled. But a marriage is different. God expects us to “count the costs” and examine all the issues we can BEFORE marrying, rather than living with regrets afterward because we didn’t want to, or were afraid, or too idealistic to do so.

After that, I highly recommend that you go through the sections titled “Preparing for Marriage” as well as “Marriage Preparation Materials.” As you and your intended work through the topics and the questions in these sections, you will also work through the issues of what each of your “roles” and “responsibilities” will look like. You will know what he expects and he will know what you expect, and together you can work through what is realistic.

This is VERY important, because it will bring up issues that you will need to know about each other. I hope you won’t marry without working through these issues (and there are many of them that are presented in these sections). You want to know each other as best as you can before marrying (and make sure you know how to work through issues that you disagree on in healthy ways). It would be better to delay (or cancel) the wedding, than to enter into a marriage that shouldn’t happen.

Also, you have to know that almost nothing is set in stone on these roles and responsibilities. They can change with different things that can occur… the birth of children, the loss of jobs, the loss of health — both physical and mental, as well as emotional, deaths in the family, the busyness and traumas that life can throw at you, etc. Stuff happens… a good marriage will have flexibility built into it. In a healthy marriage, you will find and make ways to give each other grace and space when needed through certain seasons and circumstances.

I’d recommend that you and your intended spouse read through the sections “For Married Women” (for you to read) and “For Married Men” (for him to read). You could find them helpful as well.

Trinnette, I love the fact that you want to know these things BEFORE you marry. So many people enter into marriage without exploring and examining expectations as they should, and that leads to A LOT of heartaches afterward. There is enough of that which goes on even in the best of circumstances, but you don’t want to take on more than you should just because you didn’t examine these things beforehand. May God bless you in your efforts to learn what is necessary before entering into this sacred union.

“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ — to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)

I am so happy to know I don’t have to try to confide in others about my marriage because it seems to make the situation an invasion of marital privacy. I know now that I have this website to look forward to when I am in need at all times. I will continue to pray to make our marriage stronger and I will refer a work associate or relative that is married to this website. Thank You.

This week I began praying for God to show ME what I need to do to change and I believe He has began to do so through articles on your website. Thanks for sharing what God has given you. Sherry