Christian family… married… separated due to my inconsitencies and lies about finances… so lead to the search for someone for him… He found her all right and she is awesome for him. BUT I don’t want to lose him and am not sure how to fix my wrongs. I’m not sure he has confidence in me either to do so. SOOOO… until I fix me… he isn’t budging from his girlfriend… who thinks WE are separated… what a pack of lies…PHEW>>>>

Each time I tried, I would run back to God and thought I was repenting. But again it felt like I was the only one trying to work out. our problems. He was too busy. After a few years of going and out of affairs, I completely started breaking down mentally. I lost self esteem, I hated myself, I was angry at God, I developed serious depression and had several attempts at suicide and I hate my husband because I felt like he didn’t do anything to prevent it. I eventually told on myself and wanted a divorce and he refused to give it to me. Instead for years every argument he would bring up my adultery.

I started seeking the Lord again after being in a fallen state. The moment I felt I was being emotionally connected again, my husband turns from God and of all things, he leaves his family and goes to live with another woman. He tried to divorce me secretly after lying to me that he was trusting God. I was completely overwhelmed. Before the divorce was final, he took the lady to my inlaws house completely ruining his good witness that he had when I was in my affairs. In the 6 months they were together he took trips and spent money and made this woman seem like she was something he had been looking for his entire life.

For me, it almost took my life. Not only did I have to deal with his affair and the embarrassment of it, but I had to deal with the fact of what I had done and I was reaping it back. The saddest part about the story was I was never healed from the neglect he imposed. I never healed from the ungodly relationships and I never forgave him for not loving me the way I thought he should. I have to tell you that it drained every ounce of self worth from me and I made a final attempt to take my life. During this time, I was too afraid to deal with my issues and my husband was trying to cover what he had done so he began to tell everyone and I mean everyone what I had done in the past. Even though he said he forgave me.

So, what is the point of me posting this? He found out he was being used and a curse came upon his life. Long story short. That short lived relationship failed and he came back home alone for a month and through his stubbornness realized the mess he’d made. The Lord didn’t let the divorce go through for us. It was a hard decision for us both because we were at the point of hatred with each other. But we ended up getting back together and celebrated 13 years of marriage.

I will not lie and tell you it has been an easy task but it can be done, but not without God. We’ve had to go through serious deliverance and we’ve started counseling. After going to a marriage retreat, we realized that all this could have been avoided with counseling and accountability. It was just that simple. But two people have to work at marriage not just one. We are having to deal with issues that were never dealt with and although my husband and I both feel infidelity is something we would never want to do again, trust has to begin again.

Divorce would have seemed likely for us but believe it or not. It would have solved nothing. Now we are in the healing process. We’ve been back together for 6 months now and we’ve cut everyone that doesn’t stand for our unity. Family members included.

I personally thought I was the worst person in the world and found out how many people have gone through this. God Can Do It! If he can do it for us, he can do it for anybody. Most importantly, stay with Jesus!!! He is the only cure for this and get some counseling for yourself. You’d be surprised at the healing that needs to take place inside of you. God bless you!

I turned back to God and I see things changing in myself for the better. I know that I had my share of things in the marriage that led to this point, but I know with God all things are possible and things will turn around. I can see it in little bits with my husband. I see his confusion and frustration and I know it’s the enemy lying to him. I love him very much and see that he is hurting also and I pray for him daily. He will find God and the peace he seeks in due time. I just have to be patient while I wait, that seems to be the most difficult part.

So ladies who have husbands who are having affairs, don’t hate them, hate their action. I realize it is easier said then done. But you must forgive and move on and let God do the healing and restoring in the marriage. Put God first in all things and he will make your paths straight. Have that faith your marriage will get better. May God Bless you and pour his love on you and your family.

I am a wive of a sexual addict… my husband did not visit prostitutes but he was going into public toilets and receiving oral sex from strange men. Sex was his number one, he had huge issues with masturbation and pornography. These are just a few things involved with sexual addiction.

I can understand the way you have reacted but you know deep down in your heart that what you have done is completely wrong… and as they say two wrongs do not make a right. And although you have not had sexual relations with your co-worker, you have betrayed your husband as much as he has betrayed you, through your emotional and physical interaction with the co-worker.

Yes your husband’s betrayal was definitely a source in the way you reacted, but you have to take responsibility for your own actions and your behavior. The facts are that you were hurt by the person who should have protected, loved and taken care of your needs in all ways, but he failed to do that. But you have gotten yourself involved with a married man and formed another relationship outside of your marriage.

You have to confess all to your husband and together see if you both want to continue in this marriage and if your are both willing to do whatever it takes. If he is violent then you need to protect yourself first and foremost, because nomatter what you must never accept violence and abuse of any kind, love has nothing to do with it, your life is worth so much more. If you feel that your are able to confess all without it turning violent but are still afraid then I suggest you turn to someone you trust who can act as a mediator while you tell your husband everything.

If you want any chance of saving your marriage and making it better then you need a fresh start, which means both of you being completely honest about everything. Otherwise it’s not worth it and you will continue to live in a false marriage.

I know exactly how you feel, the pain of finding out that your husband has betrayed you in the worse possible way is beyound any words. But you know that what you have done is also wrong but you can save your marriage if you both want to… without any violence or any sort of abuse.

You have some very difficuly decisions ahead of you. If you’re a Christian I encourage you to seek advise from the word and through prayer. I don’t trust my husband because he has really hurt me and betrayed my trust but I do trust in God and in the fact that if he was to betay me again I would be able to deal with it, because when I am weak Christ gives me strength and the ability to carry on.

My husband is proving me wrong everyday. Because of his betrayal he has a lot to prove, but he’s doing that through his actions which in turn is making our marriage stronger in so many ways. We still have a long way to go, but we have started our journey, which will be a long one, but one worth taking because we are both completely committed to the marriage.

If you decide to continue with your marriage, please don’t love blindly, words are nothing after a betrayal but actions are everything, for you thid will be a two street because you too have been unfaithful. Broken marriages can be fixed, and in time they will be better, I’m living proof of this. It’s been 13 months since my husbands confession, and for the first time I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

No matter what happens, please know your self worth. The person who is your partner should treasure you more than anything on this earth. I will be praying for you, Love, Caroline

A friendly relationship with a co-worker got close and I started seeing wonderful qualities in this man that I would love to see with my husband. He’s very attentive and caring. He’s married also and dealing with serious issues as well in his own marriage. We both fear God and love the Lord and agreed to not entertain this but I ended up leaving my home because of a fight with my husband one weekend and we kissed and later on down the months we got pretty close to having sex — really close… we both saw each other’s bodies in a way a husband and wife would.

I’ve asked God to forgive me as well as he but I blame my husband for this actions cause if it wasn’t for him cheating and lying to me throughout these years I wouldn’t have looked at another man in this way. My husband doesn’t know about what happened and how I feel about this man and he’s the type if I tell him he may get violent so that’s why I hold this inside. My co-worker has told his wife about the way he feels for me since day one. I just can’t get up nerve to tell him.

Even after 3 affairs, I still love my wife although I am mad as —- with her. This time she is on the fence. She does not know if she wants to continue this marriage. We have 3 little kids. I have been struggling for the past 3 months and I feel I am losing the battle. The only recourse is to protect myself from further hurt and seek divorce.

I am still holding out for hope and I have been praying for God to save our marriage. I can’t keep loving someone who keeps hurting me. My sanity is at the brink of collapse.

We are to keep leaning upon Him and “in the proper time” — whether it is through bits and pieces or through giant steps here and there or through one big time and then little times of sweeping up and tending to that which we didn’t get to the first time around, or whatever, we will experience victory.

From what I read, you have been on a good path. Just pick up and work on that which you can when you can. You might go to different articles and different web sites that we have posted and use them as your therapy treatments to talk together and find ways to unite in marriage partnership. There are also recommended resources and such as well. Just keep leaning towards having a healthy relationship and don’t give up. I pray God will give you strength and discernment and hope and will reveal His truth to you so you will grow stronger in your love for each other than ever before.

“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!” (Romans 15:5-6)

Our family hit a rough spot and she stepped up to babysit for our two children. After a few weeks on June 24th my husband came home early from work. (We work at the same place.) She caught him coming out of the bathroom and started kissing him and he let the sexual affair happen. I started to suspect something was wrong in just a few days after. I felt I was stabbed with a double edge sword. How could two people I loved so much do this to me?

On June 30th I accused them and my husband and I had the biggest fight we had ever had. In his attempt to cover up what had happened he demanded that I call her and aplogize for the way I acted. He later told me he really just wanted to pretend it didn’t happen and cover it up. They both had me convinced that I wrong and over-reacting. So I called and apologized. She of course was so understanding and said I was just under so much stress lately that I wasn’t acting like my normal self and that everything would be ok. I believed this for a while and then on July 22nd I found the truth out.

I went to her house and confronted her. I was very calm and just wanted her to finally admit the truth and stop telling lies. She didn’t. My husband broke down and showed true regret and really hated himself for what he had done. This is what made me stay. We quickly started to work on our marriage and figure out why it happened and what went wrong. Through our conversations we found that this woman had been manpulating us both for a long time, planting seeds of doubt wherever she could.

We discovered that basically we had let the devil in our home. Such deciet, such lies! I’m not saying this lets him off the hook. Far from it. It just made it a little easier to undertand the how and whys of it all. Just as we were beginning to work on things my dad got sick. It was July 29th when my dad was transferred to a major hospital, the best in our region. We knew then that he was sicker than what our local doctors first thought. My husband was by my side through everything and was the man that I fell in love with 10 years ago.

My dad passed away on Aug.8th. And then came all the other things that follow a death in the family. So here we are. We never got to finish dealing with his affair it was kind of put on hold and everything else that went with it. It wasn’t like he had an affair with some stranger. I was betrayed by both of them.

How do we start picking up the pieces again? I know what this site says about dealing with it as soon as you can. But what about our situation where so much time has passed since I found out the truth, began to deal with it and then had to bottle it up. What do we do now?

If what I read is reflective of your marriage, he may feel there is no room, nor need for him in your life, so he just does his own thing.

But then I only have an IQ of 147, so maybe I’m not smart enough to pick up on these things. However, I do believe I’m showing you a lot more grace than you’ve offered your husband. I’m also expressing how insulting what you wrote was for me to read. I could be wrong, but it doesn’t seem too smart to run down your husband. It appears to go against your vows to love, honor, cherish, etc. Those vows, the last I read are not contingent upon his actions, but were promises of how you would treat him. I don’t think what you wrote about him is consistent with such vows. But then again, I’m not sure my IQ is high enough to meet your standards.

If you won’t listen to me, then go back an re-read what Cindy said, she seems reasonably smart as well.

BTW, an IQ of 147 puts me well in the 99th percentile, meaning my score is higher than over 99% of the population. Yes I’m a sort of rocket scientist, LOL.

But I encourage you to please give a bit more grace in your replies to comments such as the one above yours. I’m not sure if you noticed or not, but SC is not from the U.S., but rather from a country where our cultures bring out different approaches than you might feel would work for your marriage. And actually, her advice would work for many American marriages as well, but from what you perceive and have found — not yours.

As you read what is posted on this web site be aware that this is an international ministry that works with different cultures. Not all advice given will work for every situation — whether there is a cultural difference or not. It’s wise to pray, glean the advice that will work for your marriage, and don’t use that which you discern won’t apply. “One size” does not always “fit all”.

And as far as “most men” not being as smart as women… I personally think that’s an insult to “most men.” Yes, there are many that wouldn’t respond to your approach, but there are also many women who are abusive and unwise in their approaches as well. I hate to say that because I’m a woman and I feel bad saying that, but we receive many, many letters that never get posted (per the man’s request) that shows what I am saying to be true. Please don’t judge “most men” by the neglectful behavior of yours and other men you may know. “Most” of the men I know are quite “smart” and are great husbands as well (not perfect — but neither are their wives, and neither am I).

Well, I have become that which I feared the most. The difficult part is she believes I never loved her, I never did anything for her and really I always believed I never mattered to her. I was always the one who’d call and ask how her day was, tell her I loved her. I was the one who always picked the little gifts because I thought it would be nice to surprise her. I found the bed and breakfast we’d liked to go to yearly to be spontaneous and adventurous.

I was patient and understood when her mom was at our home every day and calling at all hours of the night going through her own problems. I have tried to measure up and answer the call in every way I knew how. I should have relied on God more and I failed.

You see, my wife is a wonderful women, but prior to all this she hardly talked to me. I couldn’t tell you how she felt about much of anything, she always had something to do. I tried to tell her how I felt but she would tell me I felt otherwise or she’d fall asleep when I just wanted to talk to her about anything.

I found myself asking for just a few minutes of her time. As for lovemaking, she is virtually half sleep most nights. I felt I always had to fight her for the right to be a man in my own home; I always felt second guessed. I realized I just felt emasculated, it was always about me. I was always the problem, always to blame, always having to do more, always needing a seminar or some tool to prove I was worth the effort.

I was always playing catch up to her, shaping myself to fit her idea of what a husband should be with zero room for error and she in turn not having to respond to my needs because I was the only one who needed to change.

2008 was horrible year. I lost my job, my mom has been battling liver failure and she is very abrasive towards me in her own right. I was dealing with feeling like a complete failure for getting laid of, trying to take care of my mom spending late nights in the emergency room at the local hospital 3 to 4 times a month. I am an only child so I have no help. My mom was telling me every other day how I am a failure as a father, son and man. Trying to be a good husband and father all at once and it tore me to shreds.

I tried to talk to my wife about it but she just seemed disinterested. I was stressed out completely,overwhelmed. I stopped trusting God and felt I had no where to turn so I turned the wrong way – not because of sex, I just needed someone to talk to and I threw it all away. It’s not my wife’s fault that I was weak and I gave another person access into our lives but I wish once she’d try to see my heart, see the world through my eyes, see me, understand me, hear me instead of passing final judgment on me because I am a moral failure and beyond redemption.

Maybe I shouldn’t hold on; maybe I shouldn’t fight for our marriage but I believe God is not done with me yet. I do love my wife and in my heart I feel and I believe that there is something worth holding on to and so I am struggling to let go. I recognize I have done too much, whatever good will I had is gone and she may not feel the same about me. Still I pray that God will help us both and not just save but make our marriage better. I refuse to believe divorce is the only way to solve a crisis in a marriage.

But yet they have to deal with it, heal, and help the other to move forward. Communication could and should have prevented it from every happening in the first place. The adulterer moves on and the wounded wrestles the rest of their life with the hurt. They heal eventually, but the hurt is still there. Marriage does get better, but there is nothing worse than knowing that your spouse has been with another.

It does not matter how bad your situation is. You may think God is late with your answer but look He is always on time. Remember when Lazarus was sick, his sisters tried to hurry and tell Jesus that their brother was sick but Jesus do not go when he was still sick, He then went days after. Lazarus’s sisters said to Jesus it’s too late now, he is already smelling but you know what ladies, Jesus called Lazarus from the dead and he came back to life (paraphrasing).

Please do not give up on your marriage. God is able to turn your situation into a great testimony if you let Him that is. I know it’s very difficult to forgive your husband when he cheats on you, but look here, if you ask God to help you He will and you will be able to forgive. Now it’s very important to forgive whether you will stay in the marriage or not. I say so because unforgiveness will hold you up in the future. If you are hurt and heart broken it’s not going to be healthy for any relationship.

Now let me give you a few tips on how to keep your marriage going- Sometimes we Christian women kind of relax a bit. Please hear me well. I say sometimes, not all the time, and not all of us. I pray that God will help us work on our marriages. It’s a fact that there are women out there looking for your husband and it takes a man who is grounded in the word of God to be able to resist like Joseph did.

Have a look at the list below and hopefully you will get some help,

-Pray for your marriage daily especially in the morning before you do anything else.
-Keep yourself clean especially at least an hour before bed time.
-Be creative in cooking, decorating the house and don’t do the same thing all the time.
-Be organized in what you do e.g don’t be running behind time, there should be order in the way you do things. I mean in everything. I know we not super human beings but try your best with the help of God.
-Be trustworthy with finances. Be open and tell the truth always. Let me help you. There some women who give their parents money behind hubby’s back. This is wrong. Give your husband his place in your marriage. The Bible says he is the head of the home so let it be so, even if you earn more than him. That does not change the order of God.
-Be sweet in the way you talk to your hubby. Men do not like yelling wives. Even when you are angry make sure your communication does not leave you in the wrong instead.
-When it comes to his relatives make sure they have nothing bad to say about you. Let what’s in the inside of you come out to prove who you are really, just as that shows it’s Christ living in you. Have a Christlike character.
- Don’t be lazy when it comes to sex. I know sometimes you are really tired and you don’t feel like it. But please don’t make excuses all the time.
-Don’t stay 3 months with same hair style please.
-Tell him you love him always. Don’t wait for him to tell you first all the time.

I hope you get some help on how to keep you man ladies. To tell you the truth when they go to the mistress she will do anything to keep him, so watch out. Give him more than what he can ever get from women on the street.

The major reasons for fearing that I may not be able to trust him again is that firstly, the PA is still working for and with him. I have forgiven her and told her so and a part of me feels sorry for her in that she may have to lose her job. He offered to relieve her of her duties to avoid the situation happening again but I often wonder if this was the first time they slept together and also if this was the first woman he has been unfaithful with. His job takes him away from home a lot.

I also lately have felt as if God is telling me not to allow her to lose her job and THIS IS SO HARD TO IGNORE. My flesh definitely wants to see her gone. But in my heart, I have this nagging feeling that that is not what I am meant to do. The second reason is that I am struggling to believe his story ,that this is the first time they slept together and want to ask him this again and then ask her to see if she gives me the same version. I feel as if this will somehow give me a starting point to work on trusting him because if I at least know that he told me the truth about this, he may deserve my trusting him again going forward.

Question is, what if I ask them both and I get different versions? I don’t know if I could even stand being in the same room with him then. What scares me is also the fact that we have two beautiful blessings from God and how leaving him may shatter their lives. But I also wonder about the impact on them if I were to stay in the marriage being unhappy! Please pray for me to strong and for him to give his life to Jesus. He is a non believer and I so look forward to the day that we go to church together.

I feel devastated that he loves them in this way, and that he would give me up at the drop of a hat should they agree to any sort of commitment. He has now left home and we have been separated for nearly two months. He always said that it was ME that he loved but I would not believe him. I have prayed for God to take control. I still love my husband but am not prepared to share him with other women. It’s all or nothing, does anyone out there understand my feelings?