Comments on: Steps to Building a Safe Support System http://www.marriagemissions.com/steps-to-building-a-safe-support-system/ a Christian Marriage Website Sat, 21 Nov 2009 13:29:51 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.3 hourly 1 By: Liz http://www.marriagemissions.com/steps-to-building-a-safe-support-system/comment-page-1/#comment-5061 Liz Sun, 04 Oct 2009 04:52:07 +0000 http://www.marriagemissions.com/steps-to-building-a-safe-support-system/#comment-5061 (USA) I am so grateful to read the comments above. I am pretty much proceeding along these lines. I have gone to a few singles events, but stuck with the women in the group, and I find that I am far more comfortable with womens' groups, and with men who are relatives, or are already married and I am with them as part of a group. I find I love God and love people more than I ever have. I can see the board in my own eye so much better, and even though it is my spouse who left, and my spouse who left the faith, I can see that I failed him in many, many ways. God is not condemning me for that. He forgives me. And I can so feel His love! How things will turn out I do not know. My guess is that if there is a reconciliation, it would not be for 2 or 3 years or even more. In the meantime, I am growing in Christ, and making the plans I need to make. I am not letting my soon to be ex-husband step all over me situationally, nor am I calling it a day. I wish that all churches took reconciliation very very seriously, and required this of people considering divorce. My own church's divorce ministry has doubled in size this fall. What a sad thing. I am finding a peace, a level of personal growth, growing friendships, and even the start of career development. God is truly helping me with the board in my own eye. My husband is a very lost person. He has left pretty much everyone, including our grown kids. But I now know he is a fragile person, and I never recognized that fragility as I should have I know God forgives me. I wish I could have a do over. But also, I am recognizing now that there are things concerning my husband that were sucking the breath out of me. Still, I believe God can yet work in all this, and in time, put this marriage together in a healthy manner. I believe He can keep knocking on the door of my husband's heart, and change his heart to one that wants to know God. and wants to have close relationships with other people. But God is a respecter of people, so He will not force my husband into anything. I will continue to pray, but I will not put life on hold. I believe God has a lot of good things in store for me, and He has things for me to do, and people for me to get to know. It is so unbelievable, but though I want to see my marriage come back, I am now healthier and more capable than I have ever been. And my happiness is now not dependent on what happens, though my desire is that the marriage would eventually work. I know God has some more work to do in my own heart so that I can really model His love. Out of this horrible nightmare of an experience, God is somehow bringing incredible healing to me. And that is after a more than 20 year marriage with a high school sweet heart. I never thought it would be possible. Yes, I sometimes grieve greatly, but then I cycle into a quiet peace and joy I cannot explain. I will always feel this divorce was unnecesary and crazy. But the comfort, companionship, help and wisdom God has brought to me along the way has been nothing less than miraculous. Praise be to the Lord Jesus Christ and His ultimate sacrifice for our sins. He is my Forgiver, my Redeemer, the Lover of my soul. He sees me as His very loved and treasured child. And in this knowledge I can rest and know I am not really so alone. (USA) I am so grateful to read the comments above. I am pretty much proceeding along these lines. I have gone to a few singles events, but stuck with the women in the group, and I find that I am far more comfortable with womens’ groups, and with men who are relatives, or are already married and I am with them as part of a group.

I find I love God and love people more than I ever have. I can see the board in my own eye so much better, and even though it is my spouse who left, and my spouse who left the faith, I can see that I failed him in many, many ways. God is not condemning me for that. He forgives me. And I can so feel His love!

How things will turn out I do not know. My guess is that if there is a reconciliation, it would not be for 2 or 3 years or even more. In the meantime, I am growing in Christ, and making the plans I need to make. I am not letting my soon to be ex-husband step all over me situationally, nor am I calling it a day.

I wish that all churches took reconciliation very very seriously, and required this of people considering divorce. My own church’s divorce ministry has doubled in size this fall. What a sad thing.

I am finding a peace, a level of personal growth, growing friendships, and even the start of career development. God is truly helping me with the board in my own eye.

My husband is a very lost person. He has left pretty much everyone, including our grown kids. But I now know he is a fragile person, and I never recognized that fragility as I should have I know God forgives me. I wish I could have a do over. But also, I am recognizing now that there are things concerning my husband that were sucking the breath out of me. Still, I believe God can yet work in all this, and in time, put this marriage together in a healthy manner. I believe He can keep knocking on the door of my husband’s heart, and change his heart to one that wants to know God. and wants to have close relationships with other people. But God is a respecter of people, so He will not force my husband into anything.

I will continue to pray, but I will not put life on hold. I believe God has a lot of good things in store for me, and He has things for me to do, and people for me to get to know.

It is so unbelievable, but though I want to see my marriage come back, I am now healthier and more capable than I have ever been. And my happiness is now not dependent on what happens, though my desire is that the marriage would eventually work. I know God has some more work to do in my own heart so that I can really model His love.

Out of this horrible nightmare of an experience, God is somehow bringing incredible healing to me. And that is after a more than 20 year marriage with a high school sweet heart. I never thought it would be possible. Yes, I sometimes grieve greatly, but then I cycle into a quiet peace and joy I cannot explain.

I will always feel this divorce was unnecesary and crazy. But the comfort, companionship, help and wisdom God has brought to me along the way has been nothing less than miraculous. Praise be to the Lord Jesus Christ and His ultimate sacrifice for our sins. He is my Forgiver, my Redeemer, the Lover of my soul. He sees me as His very loved and treasured child. And in this knowledge I can rest and know I am not really so alone.

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