The following are Web Site Links and Resource descriptions that deal with surviving the damage that can occur because of extra marital affairs and infidelity. We pray you will find them to be helpful.

• www.affairrecovery.com This web site offers hope, support, and recovery for couples and individuals who have suffered the pain resulting from infidelity, betrayal, or sexual addiction. The Affair Recovery Center is a partnership of counseling professionals dedicated to the restoration of marriages crippled by infidelity. Their community includes couples who have experienced reconciliation and renewal. Some of the services they offer are: individual counseling, affair recovery groups, free resources, seminars, on-line study courses, plus subscription-only services for in-depth resources and ongoing support.

• www.beyondaffairs.com This is the web site for Beyond Affairs Network and Passionate Life Seminars which was founded by Anne and Brian Bercht who are authors, Seminar Speakers, and Relationship Coaches. This web site is dedicated to helping couples and individuals heal from the devastating pain of affairs and build even greater lives together. You can also sign up at this web site for a free e-mail newsletter. As they say, “Whether you’re a betrayed spouse, the spouse who had an affair, or a friend, family member, or other professional who wants to help someone who is in the midst of an affair crisis, this newsletter will provide you with resources that can help.” They have a lot of helpful articles and information which could greatly benefit those who visit their web site.

• www.dearpeggy.com Home of the Beyond Affairs Network. BAN is made up of local support groups for people who are dealing with the devastating impact of a spouse’s affair. It is for women and men (still married or divorced) seeking support in recovering from this experience. Although this is not a faith-based web site they still have many good articles that those whose lives are affected by infidelity will benefit from reading.

• www.hopeandhealing.us Hope & Healing is a Christian based support ministry devoted entirely to helping couples who have experienced the heartache of adultery. It is led by couples who also have experienced this heartache, are still married and are committed to being the husbands and wives God intended them to be. Hope & Healing was founded and designed to support, encourage, offer hope and provide practical strategies for couples willing to grow through this crisis in their marriage.

• www.MarriageBuilders.com This is a great web site, featuring Dr Willard F. Harley, Jr. which has a whole section devoted to the subject of INFIDELITY and many other subjects on marriage. You will also be introduced to some of the best ways to overcome marital conflicts and some of the quickest ways to restore love. Dr. Harley has saved thousands of marriages from the pain of unresolved conflict and the disaster of divorce. His successful approach to building marriages can help you build yours. There’s even a “Discussion Forum” that you can use to ask questions.

• www.newlifepartners.org This is a Christian online resource and support group for women whose lives have been impacted by husbands or loved ones caught in the web of pornography and/or sexual addiction. On their web site you’ll find sharing, caring, love, hope, and prayer to help you daily walk out the Lord’s plan for your life. They’re not a counseling group. They have no paid counselors — they’re a peer support group. This means that each of the ladies within NLP is going through something similar to what you may be experiencing. The resources available to NLP members include an email discussion forum, online chats, small group forums, Bible or book study groups and an annual retreat.

• www.passionatelife.ca This web site is dedicated to creating healthy, passionate marriages even when it seems impossible. They not only offer support to the person who has been betrayed but also provides help for those who have been unfaithful, are sorry for their actions, and sincerely want to rebuild their marital relationships.

• www.RonAndNancyAnderson.com This is the web site for Nancy Anderson who wrote the book “Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome.” She and her husband know what it is like to survive infidelity. They have been there and done that. You can view their testimony, that was aired on the 700 Club television broadcast by clicking HERE. You may also want to visit their blog at www.joyfulmarriage.blogspot.com.

• www.smartmarriages.com This is a secular web site for those who are married. They have a very good section for those battling infidelity. Just go to their web site and click on “Infidelity— You can recover.”

• www.tornasunder.org This is the web site for Dave Carder who wrote the book Torn Asunder (which is listed above). He is the Pastor of Counseling Services at First Evangelical Free Church at Fullerton, in California. He also sees couple — not individuals over issues concerning Infidelity recovery. For contact information you can visit his web site.

• www.troubledwith.com This web site belongs to the ministry of Focus on the Family and has a section titled “Affairs.”

RESOURCES:

• AN AFFAIR OF THE MIND -by Laurie Hall, published by Tyndale/Focus on the Family. This book is about one woman’s courageous battle to salvage her family from the devastating effects of Pornography. In this book, Laurie candidly: Confronts the evil realities and downward spiral of pornography addiction. She tells the nightmare that nearly destroyed her family, warns others of porn’s seductive, addictive nature, discusses the aspect of ‘De-junking your conscience’, imparts keen insights and comfort to pornography victims, and gives information on resources and organizations that can help those who need further help. Buy this book now.

• AVOIDING THE GREENER GRASS SYNDROME -By Nancy Anderson, published by Kregel Publications. As some reviewers have said —which we agree, “This is wisdom born of tragic but genuine experience. Because Nancy Anderson nearly ruined her marriage due to infidelity, she truly knows the misery that an affair can cause. Her honesty, vulnerability, and repentance provide marital lessons guaranteed to revitalize and strengthen couples who are susceptible to the lure of an affair. She does a terrific job telling her compelling U-turn story of rebellion, repentance, and restoration. In the second part of the book, she gives helpful suggestions and funny examples that demonstrate how to create a healthy and satisfying marriage. She has a delightful way of teaching without preaching.” This really is a very good book for every Christian couple to read! We highly recommend it. Author Nancy Anderson and her husband, Ron, speak nationally to couples’ groups of all denominations. They share their message of hope and restoration with tenderness and humor. Buy this book now.

• BECAUSE I SAID FOREVER -by Deb Kalmbach and Heather Kopp, published by Multnomah Publishers, www.multnomahbooks.com. This book is by far one of my (Cindy’s) favorite books on the subject of marriage addressed specifically to women. It’s a compilation of true testimonies on various subjects of marriage lived out by different women who have and are living through some really tough situations and yet God has helped them to live victoriously despite the difficulties. The authors have done an excellent job of “applying biblical principles to the challenging issues involved in a difficult marriage.” Women who read this book will “understand how doing things God’s way brings fulfillment and peace, regardless of the circumstances.” Too often divorce becomes the prime option considered when marriage becomes really tough. The great thing about this book is it gives the readers some different biblically based options to consider.

As one of the authors, Deb Kalmbach points out, “Although the church discourages divorces, a recent study by George Barna indicates that Christian marriages don’t fail as often as secular marriage—they fail more!” She goes on to say, “I believe one reason is that too often the Christian wife who finds herself in a hard marriage imagines she has only two courses: gutting it out miserably but putting on a happy face or leaving the marriage feeling guilty and condemned. This book says there’s another way. The reflections you read here will affirm your decision to stay in your marriage. But they will also offer you encouragement and help for moving beyond simply enduring a bad marriage. You’ll discover that it is possible to be personally fulfilled even if your marriage is not fulfilling. It is possible to discover joy, to find the support you need, to thrive in your spiritual life and Christian walk, and to turn your challenges into opportunities for personal and spiritual growth.” Buy this book now.

• LOVE MUST BE TOUGH… New Hope for Families in Crisis, by Dr James Dobson, published by Multnomah Publishers, www.multnomahbooks.com. In this book, Dr. Dobson offers practical help for the spouse who wants to hold the marriage together. He shows how to rekindle romantic interest and draw the offending partner back home. For new generations faced with ever-increasing threats to stable and loving bonds, Love Must Be Tough offers realistic hope.

“Dr. Dobson’s premise of tough love, which essentially means defining and maintaining the line of respect around yourself, seems sound and practical. Applying it avoids the drawn-out, torturous emotions that go with living in a decaying relationship. Dobson makes the seemingly radical recommendation that people facing infidelity or other marital crisis of similar proportions precipitate a crisis to bring the situation to a boil. Dobson’s point is that that boil will very often restore the relationship. Precipitating the crisis shows your mettle, which commands respect and even admiration. This book is NO GUARANTEE that you will win your spouse or significant other back. But, like anything else, if you don’t do something you will more assuredly lose them anyway. Pray hard and read this book if you want to keep them. Learn to give them space.”

If you can’t find this book at a location near you go to www.multnomahbooks.com and go into their “Contact Us” section. They even have a selection for “International Distribution” if you live outside of the United States to find out if they have a distributor located near you. However, first see if through this web site you can Buy this book now.

• LOVING YOUR MARRIAGE ENOUGH TO PROTECT IT -By Jerry Jenkins, published by Moody Press, www.moodypublishers.com. There’s so much that needs to be said on this subject that Jerry says very well. We can’t emphasize enough the importance of taking this subject seriously. This newer edition (previously published under the title of “Hedges”) also comes complete with a Study Guide which will make the lessons personal. They’re designed for your own reflection or to talk them over with your spouse to help you to work through the different areas of your life that will need protective hedges put into place. We HIGHLY recommend this book to every married couple! Buy this book now.

• MY HUSBAND’S AFFAIR BECAME THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME, -By Anne Bercht (with Brian Bercht and Danielle Bercht), published on-demand in cooperation with Trafford Publishing. In this wonderful book the author Anne Bercht walks you through the painful ordeal she and her family experienced after she discovered that her husband Brian had betrayed her by committing adultery with another woman. You also read about the extreme difficulty of having a spouse who moves out to begin a new life with the woman he betrayed her with, and the eventual painful process of reconciling and rebuilding a new marriage together. And yet through it all, as Anne candidly reveals the emotional upheaval and anguish they experienced —you get a glimpse at to why she could eventually say her husband’s affair “became the best thing that ever happened to me.” She also walks you through anger issues, co-dependency issues, and many others that you could benefit from reading (whether you’ve experienced the insult of infidelity or not). Buy this book now.

• SURVIVING AN AFFAIR -By Dr. Willard F. Harley and Dr. Jennifer Harley Chalmers, published by Fleming H. Revel. This book is a guide to understanding and surviving every aspect of infidelity-from the beginning of an affair through the restoration of the marriage. The authors Drs. Harley and Chalmers describe why affairs begin and end, how to end an affair, how to restore the marriage after the affair, how to manage resentment, and how to rebuild trust. It also guides you step-by-step from the devastating blow of infidelity to a loving and trusting marriage. Buy this book now.

• THE DIVORCE REMEDY… The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage -By Michele Weiner Davis. It was published by Simon & Schuster. Although this book does not come from a “Christian” perspective, most of the principles presented are very solid. She teaches you how to identify specific marriage-saving goals, move beyond ineffective, hurtful ways of interacting, and become an expert on “doing what works.” Inspirational anecdotes and in-depth case studies show how couples have used these techniques to save their marriages, and how you can use these same techniques to rescue yours. The author also offers solution-oriented strategies for readers to cope with infidelity, and midlife crises. And if you think you partner already has a foot out the door, this proven program is a recipe for change, even if only you participate. (NOTE: While we agree with about 95% of what this book presents, we do disagree with some of Michelle’s advice to couples who face an Internet Pornography problem. But, even so, we recommend this book to couples because the rest of the advice is very helpful.) Buy this book now.

• THE ENTICEMENT OF THE FORBIDDEN -By Judy Starr, published by Life Connexions. You can order this book at www.familylife.com at their online store. “This is one book that every women who desires a sincere walk with our Lord will benefit from reading.” “Even godly women, mature in their faith and in full time Christian service can fall. From her own experience, Judy Starr speaks boldly to women about the lure and deception of misplaced sexual passion. Whether you’re struggling to recover from an adulterous relationship, wanting to protect your marriage from that kind of devastation, or needing wisdom to help a friend get back up after moral failure, you’ll find hope and help in the specific steps Judy’s laid out in The Enticement of the Forbidden.”

This groundbreaking new work, while Biblical, is also rooted in real life. Author Judy Starr transparently and candidly tells what God taught her through a narrow escape from marital disaster, and she demonstrates how to protect your moral purity God’s way. This book will transform your walk with God while building a wall of protection around your marriage. Buy this book now.

• TORN ASUNDER —Recovery from Extramarital Affairs -By Dave Carder, Moody Publishers, www.moodypublishers.com. This book is very comprehensive and is a great practical guide for dealing with extramarital affairs. It’s very comprehensive because it carefully sorts out the different kinds of affairs and deals with each kind—giving very practical and insightful information. It doesn’t lump all infidelity together “giving over-simplistic spiritual answers.” It’s practical because “it deals with daily, gut-level issues both partners face.” We highly recommend getting this book! There are a couple of parts that especially stand out and set it apart from other resources. One in particular which is EXCELLENT is titled: “When Your Spouse Doesn’t Want You Back: The 90-Day Experiment.” We wish we could have put this portion of the book on our web site but it’s too long to be able to honor the author’s copyright privilege and it really can’t be shortened to do it justice. You really need to get the book to have this as well as the other helpful information. (If you’re dealing with this problem and you can’t get this book in your country then please contact the publisher at the above web site and see if there’s something that can be arranged.)

They also have a section in it which includes a questionnaire that addresses: “Are You at Risk for an Affair?” It’s an excellent tool to identify personal growth areas for you and your spouse to discuss and develop and is designed to help evaluate personal history and lifestyle which parallels with those who have been involved in adultery. We were surprised by some of the questions and what can set people up to have an affair. It might help you too. This book is filled with many other great insights also! Buy this book now.

• UNFAITHFUL … Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity -By Gary and Mona Shriver, published by Life Journey, an imprint of Cook Communications Ministries, www.CookMinistries.com and Kingsway Communications, www.Kingsway.co.uk. This is an absolutely terrific book! We can’t recommend this book highly enough! It’s written by a couple who have been through this horrible experience themselves. “More than ten years ago, Gary Shriver shocked his wife Mona, with a confession of his three year affair — as well as a one-night stand.” It devastated their marriage! After Gary’s confession they struggled to keep their marriage together with all the strength they could muster and the Lord’s very real help! What we appreciate about this book is how totally honest they are in their writings and how transparent they allow themselves to become as they diary the gut-wrenching struggle— each giving their own perspective during the healing process. This book is a great road map to follow to recovery! We wish every couple that goes through this terrible experience could read this book because it’s packed with so much that could help them. Buy this book now.

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