Comments on: TEENS: Skilled At Manipulating Divorced Parents

By: Wendy

Wendy — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 21:51:03 +0000

(USA) I believe that at seeing first signs parents need to address the situations instead of hiding them under the rug thinking they will go away. Things don’t get better ignoring them but addressing them and finding a solution ASAP. Kids will continue their wrong doing if they see they can get away with it.

By: Tony

Tony — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 13:11:12 +0000

(USA) Ruby, That seems a tough situation. On one hand, if you had a well announced consequence prior to him getting a violation and are sticking to that, then that’s the breaks for your son. On the other hand, in most jurisdictions, if he’s old enough to drive, he’s old enough to decide which parent he lives with.

Of course, I see manipulation on all sides of this. Your son is trying to get the car back and you’re holding the car as a carrot to convince your son to move back in with you. Neither of those are good strategies.

Give it time, let your son decide. If your son is with his father full time, then I think he IS DUE child support. The same would be true if the child were with you full time.

So do the right thing and pay what your jurisdiction says a non-custodial parent would have to pay.

By: Ruby

Ruby — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 00:06:43 +0000

(UNITED STATES) My son recently moved out over me disciplining over a driving violation. The vehicle is mine, and he is a new driver. I placed boundaries. He now lives with his dad going on 4 weeks. He won’t spend time with me, or call to just talk. If or when he calls he just wants the vehicle back. I said if he drove it he had to move back. He says he is not ready, and doesn’t see moving back any time soon.

I am so hurt over these unfolding events. Now my ex is asking for child support back to add to my stress. What do you do? Should I make him spend time with me when he should be with me? Or do I simply be patient and let him make the first move. Currently he has chosen not to interact with me. Help!!!!!

By: Tammy

Tammy — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 17:08:32 +0000

(USA) I think this is a wonderful thing you are doing. I found your site while researching children of divorce for an essay I am doing in College. I am majoring in Criminal Justice and I want to work with kids of all ages. So many of them feel unloved and therefore they act out.

I divorced my girls Dad in 1981. I talked to a lot of their friends about what I should and should not do. I have never regretted that. I learned a lot from them; because of them I never belittled their Dad in front of them and never denied them the right to see or speak with him. Most of all we never argued in front of them.

Their Dad died when they were 11 & 12. He had not been around much or called them at all. My girls knew I had never come between them and their Dad. If I had they would never have forgiven me after his death. He was a child of divorce and he died at the age of 34 from Alcoholic Serosis of the liver.