“For most people, doubts begin with tiny hints, fleeting thoughts. ‘I wonder what my life would have been like if I had married my old boyfriend? I bet he wouldn’t take me for granted like my husband does!’ Sometimes these good feelings are simply neutralized, replaced by numbness. Sometimes they are malignantly transformed like healthy cells transmogrified into cancer cells, from feelings of love into feelings of contempt, distrust, and despair.”

“…There’s no more respect and trust between you. You can’t communicate. You’re always angry. You’re bored. You’re numb. You’re constantly on the defensive. Doubt can quickly turn into panic. ‘Time is passing — will my entire life be wasted because I made the wrong choice.?’ Panic is often accompanied by depression. The future looks hopeless. Nothing fits. Nothing makes sense. Nothing can be counted on anymore.

“…You may be at a place in your life where you’ve concluded that despite your good intentions, despite all of your hopes and dreams, despite what seemed like the right choice at the time, you married the wrong person. If this is your situation, you may have three choices of how to proceed: you can get divorced. You can force yourself to stay in the marriage despite the pain, or you can consider the possibility that, instead of marrying the wrong person, you created the wrong marriage, and you can take steps to forge a new marriage to the same person.” (Richard Matteson, Janis Long, from the book, What if I Married the Wrong Person)

We’re praying that if the above scenario is what you’re living through, you will make the choice to “forge a new marriage to the same person.” No one would ever testify that this would be easy. But God, whose very name means LOVE can teach you how to love the one you married. And making the DECISION to participate with God in this is a huge part of the mission.

“The world says, ‘If it feels good, do it. And when it doesn’t feel good anymore, leave.” God says, ‘I have made a covenant with you, and you have made a covenant with one another. I will give you what you need to keep that covenant.’ And our wedding rings stand as a symbol of that promise to one another before God.” (Marlene Bagnull, from the book: For Better, For Worse)

As you look at your wedding ring, use it as an inspiration realizing that God will never tell you it will be easy to do what it takes to “fall” in love with your spouse, but with God helping you, “all things are possible.” It will take intentionality and the continual decision to make choices to choose love over “what may come naturally” until prayerfully your feelings catch up with your actions. As one author said,

“Love is not easy or simple. It is an art that I must want to learn and pour my life into. This principle corrects a common misconception, that is easy to love, requiring neither thought nor effort. In other words, that is just a matter of doing what comes naturally!

“The fact is that love is costly. It requires much from the lover even when the giving is pure joy. If you do what comes naturally you will be wrong almost every time. Again, the Bible has the information we need on how to love. The most concentrated lessons on the art of loving your mate can be found in the Song of Solomon.

“Love is an active power that I can control by my own will. I am not the helpless slave of love. We are barraged by propaganda suggesting that love is an uncontrollable feeling that comes and goes like a wayward sparrow. Most of the boy-meets-girl plots of films and television are based on the premise that love is a feeling that just happens. Or else it doesn’t happen.

“The truth is that love is an active power that you were meant to control by your own will. You can choose to love; you can do what is necessary to restore love to your marriage; and you can refuse to be enslaved by passing emotions.

“…Most people consider feeling to be of supreme importance. But the truth is that reason —what you think about love —is what controls your behavior. The desired feelings come as a result of right thinking and right actions.” (Dr Ed Wheat with Glora Okes Perkins, from the book, The Healthy Marriage Handbook by Marriage Partnership Magazine)

But how do you cause yourself to “fall in love” after you’ve made the decision to do what it takes to first love by actions? What do you do?

If you thought this would be an article that would give you 10 points to make that happen and you could do what it says, and all of a sudden — you fall in love, we’re sorry to say this isn’t what we can give you. Our intention is to help to motivate you to START the mission of “putting the heart of Christ” into your marriage — to love by “word and deed” that the Bible talks about.

What we’ve learned (by experience in our own once “broken” marriage and observing others who also walked this journey) is that the principles for loving are the principles for living as outlined and talked about throughout the Bible. As you apply God’s principles, and you prayerfully live by the guidance of the Holy Spirit — our “Wonderful Counselor” HE will teach you how to love your spouse in an individual way, such as you never would have known before.

Also, to help you a bit more we’re including in this article several links to articles posted on different web sites that might help you. Cindy Wilson (as told by Simon Presland) relates her own story where she says that not only did she come to believe that they never loved each other, she realized that they “never even liked each other.” But eventually God helped them to create a love together that they never thought they could have. Their seeming incompatibility didn’t stop this from happening.

Also, author Nancy Kennedy testifies in her article that she and her husband agreed that they “never should have married.” But in her article she explains “what we did about it.”

And then finally, Brett Williams, who is a Marriage/Family Therapist and author, explains how it takes more than casual dating one another as husband and wife to fall in love with each other again and stay in love.

To visit the web sites where these testimonials and articles are posted and read them what they have to say, click onto the links provided below:

• We Never Loved Each Other

• Did We Make a Mistake?

• I Love You But I’m Not in Love With You

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