So what damage are you doing? You seem to have a handle on the damage you think he’s causing. Yet doesn’t Matthew 7 (IIRC) teach us about the mote and the beam? You might also look at Matthew 5, which tells us to concentrate on our own issues, instead of looking at the faults of others. Wouldn’t both these scriptures apply to how we treat our spouses?

Until we are perfect, without sin, we really have no expectation that our spouse meet some sort of standard we set up. Ironically, it’s unlikely we could meet such a standard, so why impose it on our spouse?

For the sake of our kids to whom I have been primary caregiver, I believe now it’s best I become healthy again since he has resorted to very late hours coming back home and sleeping on the sofa in the living room (under the pretext of work sometimes). I read it as an avoidance of addressing issues that could have been resolved long ago.

I can’t trust his word anymore and have lost all willingness to live with him even if he came around and wanted to mend this. The damage for me is such that I can’t see or respond to him in any respecting way again and it further leads me into these long silences we now have. Any comment is only made concerning the children. Already in legal consultation with child lawyer for way ahead…

I always like to qoute the Bible that our battle is not against flesh and blood but evil spirits working through people (Ephesians 6:10-18). So what do we do? We quit talking to people (Proverbs 9:6-8) and go to God, their maker, who can fight the evils threats on us. Those who do evil will choke on their schemes (Proverbs 1:30-31).

In my troubles I rest on Proverbs 3:5-6. That’s all we can do when hope is lost; just leave everything to God (Psalms 38:13-15). In the mean time seek first the Kingdom of God and everything else will be added unto you.

I understand how hard it must be trying to find explanations to give your young children. We have bad seasons in life but lets rest in the peace of God that surpasses all understanding and we will reap joy in due season (Phillipians 4:6-9 ) & (Psalms 40). I find that reading the Bible and making its words my own reality, help me change my focus.

Trust me Stella, there is no other way to peace and happiness in this sinful world except through God ’s divine intervention. Nothing anybody says or does overrrides this. The sooner we realise this the better. My sister, stay patiently in faith and your prayers will be answered in God’s timing.

When he left, he just packed a small bag and went off saying he was going for a little while to think things through as we were battling with issues of infidelity. He had an affair which had been going on for some time. All the time I tried to ask him on what was wrong. He never answered or even told me what I had done wrong. When I went to his sister to ask her to help he got angry with me and said there was no need to involve other people in our affairs.

Even now when I ask to see him to discuss what little is left of our marriage he never does come and he tries to avoid discussing anything serious. Last week I called his sister to call him so we could meet to discuss our situation and he phoned me telling me he was not interested in such discussions. I learnt that he has taken his girlfriend to visit some of relatives his sister included. I pray to God to bring my marriage back on its feet but it still hurts me all the same that he has abandoned us. Please help.