“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (Matthew 6:21)
Over the years we have interviewed hundreds of wives and many of them communicated at least three areas that they desired their husbands change in before they will believe their husband’s commitment:
Careful Listening without Justification or Argument
It is often difficult for a man to converse with his wife without challenging the meaning of various words she uses to explain how she feels inside. If a husband can overlook the actual words his wife uses to express herself and instead, actively pursue what she means, fewer arguments will take place.
One man I know finds it almost impossible to do this. When his wife says, “You never do this,” or “You always do that,” he will inevitably say, “Now, dear, I don’t always do that,” or “Did I do it yesterday?” or he begins to analyze her statement to prove it false.
If we can stop justifying our actions and quit arguing about the words our wives use, we can get to the heart of the matter. We can try rephrasing our wives statements, “Is this what you were trying to say?” or “Is this what I’m hearing?” It is essential in communication to look past the surface words to the real meaning behind the words.
Quickness to Admit Error
Countless wives and children have told me how their family relationships have been weakened because of a husband’s or father’s unwillingness to admit his errors. Though husbands sometimes think admission of errors reveals their weaknesses, the opposite is true.
A humble admission of wrong produces positive results. When a husband admits he has hurt his wife, she feels better just knowing he understands. Not only that, it demonstrates that he is a wise man because the Scriptures tell us that only the wise seek counsel.
Patience When She is Reluctant to Believe You’ve Changed
What if you’ve been doing everything within your power to let your wife know she has first place in your life, and she still doesn’t believe you’ve changed? Do you throw up your arms in disgust? Or do you gently persuade her over a period of time? Her initial respect for you wasn’t lost overnight, and it can’t be regained in a day. Show her that no matter how long it takes, you want to earn her respect.
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(SINGAPORE) I can relate to the "You ALWAYS do this", or "You NEVER do that". I’m sensitive to absolutes, i.e. "ALWAYS" when it’s not always, and "NEVER" when it’s not never. But does that mean women do not mean ALWAYS and NEVER even though they use them?
I need to learn to listen and discern the underlying meaning rather than focus on words used.
(USA) We don’t always mean these two words "always" and "never" but for some reason we say it, especially when we are desperate to make a point or to make our husband understand how we feel.
(SINGAPORE) To be frank, instead of my husband hearing me say “You ALWAYS do this”, or “You NEVER do that”…..he likes to say these words to me all the time. The discussion really meet my doubts when I have to suffer being wrong for unfair justification… he also shows h cares less in feeling guilty.
Till the situation stays calm, he will usually approach me with new commitment or sometimes the same commitment that we used to discuss how we can avoid arguments. But how can I easily believe when he is absentminded with inability to do what he committed… and sometimes I have to be responsible for both of our unpleasant feelings alone?