Comments on: THE FORMER SPOUSE – Dealing With Adversity http://www.marriagemissions.com/the-former-spouse-dealing-with-adversity/ a Christian Marriage Website Sun, 21 Mar 2010 02:20:36 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Dokela http://www.marriagemissions.com/the-former-spouse-dealing-with-adversity/comment-page-1/#comment-349 Dokela Wed, 23 Jan 2008 13:54:03 +0000 http://www.marriagemissions.net/the-former-spouse-dealing-with-adversity/#comment-349 (ZAMBIA) I have a child who is 12. My ex left me when she was 3 years old. He married another woman, and he has since divorced 2 years ago. I met a wonderful man and got married to him after my ex was already one year in his new marriage. He could not maintain the child in anyway. But, after 5 years now, he says he wants to support the child- school fees, medical aid etc. How would I inform my husband (current) about the new developments, knowing at some point my ex and my husband fought because of my ex's rude remarks? He has never kept the child, and it is only now that he has divorced his wife that he wants to take care of his child. I am so confused and don't know how to break this to my husband without opening old wounds. I don't have a child with my husband yet. My husband has been a good step dad to my child, unfortunately he is not saved. We married when we were both not saved, but I got born again 3 years ago. Please, can someone advise me. I want my husband to know that what my ex needs is to just contribute to his child's upbringing and not that he wants me back. I have found it in my heart to forgive him as I have moved on. (ZAMBIA) I have a child who is 12. My ex left me when she was 3 years old. He married another woman, and he has since divorced 2 years ago. I met a wonderful man and got married to him after my ex was already one year in his new marriage.

He could not maintain the child in anyway. But, after 5 years now, he says he wants to support the child- school fees, medical aid etc. How would I inform my husband (current) about the new developments, knowing at some point my ex and my husband fought because of my ex’s rude remarks? He has never kept the child, and it is only now that he has divorced his wife that he wants to take care of his child.

I am so confused and don’t know how to break this to my husband without opening old wounds. I don’t have a child with my husband yet. My husband has been a good step dad to my child, unfortunately he is not saved. We married when we were both not saved, but I got born again 3 years ago. Please, can someone advise me. I want my husband to know that what my ex needs is to just contribute to his child’s upbringing and not that he wants me back. I have found it in my heart to forgive him as I have moved on.

]]> By: LT http://www.marriagemissions.com/the-former-spouse-dealing-with-adversity/comment-page-1/#comment-212 LT Mon, 19 Nov 2007 07:20:37 +0000 http://www.marriagemissions.net/the-former-spouse-dealing-with-adversity/#comment-212 (USA) Hi Emillee, I'll be honest - I haven't even read this article. I simply clicked through from the main page onto your comment posting. I'll say this regarding what you wrote - the children are to come first before the self (the parents) however do not mistake that to mean they also come before your husband (or soon-to-be husband). The biblical model is that of God the father, Jesus, Men, women and then children. Remember to always put things in their proper order. That being said, as a biological mother, I can certainly, in fact, greatly!! appreciate you taking on children that are not your own. It took me a year, AT LEAST, to adjust to being a mother the first time and that was with my own child. To do that, with a child that is not your own, must take even far more selflessness and patience than I can imagine. Bless you!! You have a wonderful, giving heart and you will be blessed for doing that. As far as people differing on scriptural interpretation - well my walk in faith, by my personal experience, says this will happen and when it does, pray and rely on God's Holy Spirit to reveal the answers. Sometimes God works with different individuals, and sometimes it is separately, not as a couple. When a couple, defer to the husband (unless you know, for a fact, it opposes God's word). If his and your view differ but both seem to comply with the Word, then let the husband rule but also pray. Deferring to the husband, in actuality, shows respect and honor and love to the head God put there and, if you do this, don't you think God can change the heart of the head to God's own liking? Of course he can! So....respect God's word and order of things and through demonstrating that (which is, ultimately, demonstrating your love of God) you can rest assured and peaceful, that God's will will be done in that situation. Blessings to you, Emilee (USA) Hi Emillee, I’ll be honest – I haven’t even read this article. I simply clicked through from the main page onto your comment posting. I’ll say this regarding what you wrote – the children are to come first before the self (the parents) however do not mistake that to mean they also come before your husband (or soon-to-be husband). The biblical model is that of God the father, Jesus, Men, women and then children. Remember to always put things in their proper order.

That being said, as a biological mother, I can certainly, in fact, greatly!! appreciate you taking on children that are not your own. It took me a year, AT LEAST, to adjust to being a mother the first time and that was with my own child. To do that, with a child that is not your own, must take even far more selflessness and patience than I can imagine. Bless you!! You have a wonderful, giving heart and you will be blessed for doing that.

As far as people differing on scriptural interpretation – well my walk in faith, by my personal experience, says this will happen and when it does, pray and rely on God’s Holy Spirit to reveal the answers. Sometimes God works with different individuals, and sometimes it is separately, not as a couple.

When a couple, defer to the husband (unless you know, for a fact, it opposes God’s word). If his and your view differ but both seem to comply with the Word, then let the husband rule but also pray. Deferring to the husband, in actuality, shows respect and honor and love to the head God put there and, if you do this, don’t you think God can change the heart of the head to God’s own liking? Of course he can!

So….respect God’s word and order of things and through demonstrating that (which is, ultimately, demonstrating your love of God) you can rest assured and peaceful, that God’s will will be done in that situation. Blessings to you, Emilee

]]> By: emilee http://www.marriagemissions.com/the-former-spouse-dealing-with-adversity/comment-page-1/#comment-211 emilee Sun, 18 Nov 2007 02:44:42 +0000 http://www.marriagemissions.net/the-former-spouse-dealing-with-adversity/#comment-211 (US) I am going to one day be a step mom, and I found this article true, in many ways, to my experiences. Things are complicated because the father of the children and I are not yet married, so my influence has even less weight than that of a step parent. I MOST AGREE THAT THE CHILDREN MUST COME FIRST. I have had to learn a lot about how selfish I was (and can still be). It is very painful to hurt in very deep and personal ways, but have to move past yourself for the sake of the kids. And thanks to the children's father, I am learning to choose battles. It is very important. I find your scripture encouraging, but here is a question...what if the individuals in conflict both believe the same scriptures, but from their own view in the children's lives? (US) I am going to one day be a step mom, and I found this article true, in many ways, to my experiences. Things are complicated because the father of the children and I are not yet married, so my influence has even less weight than that of a step parent. I MOST AGREE THAT THE CHILDREN MUST COME FIRST. I have had to learn a lot about how selfish I was (and can still be). It is very painful to hurt in very deep and personal ways, but have to move past yourself for the sake of the kids. And thanks to the children’s father, I am learning to choose battles. It is very important. I find your scripture encouraging, but here is a question…what if the individuals in conflict both believe the same scriptures, but from their own view in the children’s lives?

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