And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:23).

The above Bible verse is a good one for us to remember—especially in our marriages, because as life gets hectic we so often forget to be nicest to the one human being we claim to love the most—our spouse.

We forget that some of the reasons we married is to love them, share our lives with them in honoring, cherishing ways, and to help them to be all they can be in Christ so we can live a “life of love” together for the rest of our lives.

I (Cindy) recently read in the devotional book A Gentle Spirit (published by Barbour Publishing) something that spoke on this aspect of living that reminded me about marriage and the role we’re to play in encouraging each other.

The writer, Hannah Hurnard, was saying how dissatisfied she was with her life in how she was relating to the people around her. She prayed to the Lord about the lack of power she seemed to have in helping them. She said the Lord seemed to say to her:

“My child, what is your motive—to help or hurt? Instead of blaming people, bless them, speak well of them. Concentrate on discovering the good things in people and on encouraging them to enjoy doing good and lovely things. You can’t force people to stop doing bad things, but you can make doing good, so attractive that they don’t want to waste a minute of time on the wrong and harmful things.

Quietly adapt yourself to living happily with the people who aggravate you, rather than trying to force them to change their habits so as to suit you.”

1 Peter 3:1-4 says,

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husband so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives., when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

Hannah Hurnard went on to say,

“Whenever you react with praise and thanksgiving for an opportunity to grow more like Jesus in your way of reacting to things, instead of grumbling or feeling self-pity, you will find that the whole situation will be changed into a great big blessing.”

I thought how true that is in marriage. When I’ve tried to force Steve to see things my way by yelling or lecturing or reacting as I shouldn’t, he’s acted all the more resistant to treating me as I felt I “deserved” to be treated.

Even if I was right in what I was saying, the way in which I was wrongfully saying it or the dishonoring manner in which I was behaving brought about negative results all the more powerfully.

And instead of Steve really understanding what I was trying to convey, it would become clear eventually that he was absolutely resistant to whatever I was trying to communicate and stubbornly would do things his way—which is the opposite of what I wanted.

I’m reminded of the Bible verse that says, “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:8-9).

This verse shows us that we’re to live with each other in such a way that we don’t pile our insult on top of theirs—that’s not what God is calling us to do. We’re instead to live with them in such a loving manner that we’re a blessing —to them and to the cause of Christ.

The Bible tells us in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

It is our prayer that together we will put the heart—the love of Christ—back into our marriages and treat each other with the love and honor that God would have us give.

May God Bless you as we work together to Put the Heart of Christ Back into Marriage!

Steve and Cindy Wright

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