Because you have been so severely hurt in your past, you will have to work harder than many to put it into it’s proper perspective. Difficult memories can be used by the enemy of our faith to haunt us. But don’t allow them to defeat who you are and who you will become as a result of the amazing grace of Christ.

The past abuse that you experienced is who you WERE… these things WERE done to you… but they no longer have to have a hold on you. Because of Christ, you are a new creation and all things are passed away. You no longer have the destiny to live as a victim. God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. And He ordains that you participate in reaching out for the healing He has for you. He has called you to live in freedom. Don’t allow yourself to live as a prisoner of the enemy of our faith.

The Apostle Paul says something in Philippians 3 that would be good for you to claim, “Not that I have already obtained all this [you'll have to read for yourself what he means] but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: FORGETTING WHAT IS BEHIND AND STRAINING TOWARD WHAT IS AHEAD, I PRESS ON toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I challenge you to “press on” to work to let go of the past and all that was set up to defeat you. It will be a battle, but it will be worth it. To help you with this I just posted for you and others in your position, an article titled, “Living in Confidence Because of Who You Are in Christ.” You can find it in the “Abuse in Marriage” section and the “Mental and Physical Health” section.

Also, please stop allowing your husband to continue to mistreat you by his unfaithfulness. Even if you have a stained past, it doesn’t mean that you are unworthy of fidelity today. You are redeemed because of Christ and you don’t have to put up with such behavior. Speak the truth to him in love and tell him that any such behavior that he commits against you and your marriage in the future will mean that he is saying by his actions that he wants out of the marriage. It is his call. If he wants to stay in the marriage, he will have to be faithful and true to the marriage vows he made to you when he married.

If for no other reason, you can’t allow him to sleep with others because of the diseases he could bring home to you — particularly AIDS.

I can’t tell you what you should do, but I know that God looks very harshly upon unfaithfulness and adultery. He is a good example for us to follow. If he wouldn’t put up with on-going unfaithful behavior, neither should we.

Also, read what we have posted in the “Sexual Issues” section about what married sex is all about (which is the only permissible kind Biblically). It is a wonderful blessed relationship. Keep praying for a healing in your body and your mind concerning your marital sexual relationship. God is our Great Physician and it is amazing what He can heal as we give it to Him and pursue healthiness in body and mind. I am confident that God can give you a new mind concerning married sexuality.

You have a long journey ahead of you on many levels, but I know with my whole heart that you have only seen the beginning of the healing and the joy, God is going to bring into your life, as you lean upon Him and keep giving the garbage to Him — and exchanging it for His goodness and grace. My prayers are with you!

I never have a desire for sex, when I do it with my husband (once every 2 to 6 months). It hurts and I only do it out of an attitude of duty. I am really messed up! I am in therapy and I want to really get to the bottom of this big problem. Where do I really start? I want to take the medicine Jesus is recommending. Where do I really start?